I just wanna be normal

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When I was in elementary school, I felt like this. I was in special ed and made out to be different from all the other kids. I hated aspects of myself that made me different from other people.

I remember one time hating being left-handed because it made me different. I tried to force myself to write right-handed, to no avail.

I also felt like the black sheep of the family. I was always getting in trouble, always getting criticized. I was so very especially difficult for all the other members of my family, and would always turn off distant relatives from my family.

Not only that, but I was terribly unique. There was no one like me, not even anywhere in my family. Everyone else was always so different from me. I bemoaned my lonely existence.

I want to be normal too.

If I could be born again I'd hope to be straight, without OCD and my bitterly grating tics. Also all my problems with memory, anxiety and non-verbal information I'd want gone too.

Yeah.

But I guess I'm a white male born to a modern family living in a country that is geographically advantaged. That's more privilege than what most people in the world have.

Is it a desire to be normal or a desire to be accepted and treated with respect? I like Julia Bascom's thoughts on this subject. https://juststimming.wordpress.com/2012/05/01/truth-is/

I just wish I could have the normal social aspects and be able to connect with others.
I also wish I didn't have chronic pain, my neurological problems, and my muscle problem that effects my arms and legs..

The rest is fine, I don't want to be normal, I just wish it was easier to make friends and stuff...

I only want to be normal because it grants you sex and girlfriends.
It also makes other life things easier.
I wouldnt mind being abnormal if I could get the things I wanted while being so.
You need to be able to communicate well to succeed in this world.

Thanks. That was a good article. I can definitely understand that the desire to be normal is actually the desire for respect.

BTW, this was a feeling I mostly held in elementary school. I've since grown out of this and am today more accepting, even proud, of my differences.

Sometimes I wish I were "normal." Other times, not so much.

For instance, when I'm at some type of celebration or event, I tend to keep to myself quite a bit of the time. I get stuck in my head easily, and I don't really know how to mingle the way NTs do. I get really anxious and usually just leave if I can.

That leaves me conflicted because, while I wish I could just be normal and strike up conversation with normal people, normal topics of conversation are, well, boring. Who wants to be boring?

I just wanna be my normal, autistic self.

I can relate to being the weirdo of the family, but I've never really wanted to be a different person or lose prominent personal traits. When frustrated with not fitting in, I tend to wish that other people were different.

When I look at what other people are like, or how they socialize, I tend to be rather horrified, glad that I'm not that way, and actively trying to be less like them rather than wanting to be more like them.

I've had that sort of thought before as well, in the past.

Of course, school rather changed that; when I saw how many of the "normal" kids acted (IE, like complete asshats) my view shifted more towards my usual "this is all stupid, I hate everything, go away" that I tend to have these days. Honestly havent had a desire to be normal since; usually I count myself lucky not to have been part of the droves of people that make up normal society. Just... ugh. Most of it is repellent. And boring.

At least here in this place though, it's not hard to make friends, since we all understand this sort of thing. Usually.

I'l tell you man, school is vicious. It broke me. I went from Primary 1 to 7 undiagnosed, slated as a bad kid, every day the teacher had more sh***y news to give to my mum. Building blocks to ruination. Now I struggle to talk to people, get a job, everything. Hate it!

likewise.
i feel the mainstream school system is simply not suited for us.
i developed extreme anxiety from being forced into it at that age, with no medication or intervention to assist me.
i was always sick on the way to school, and in HS i simply started refusing to go.
always got into fights, always turned up late, accused of 'not listening', slept in class, never did homework, it broke me.

Thats it dude. It doesn't help when other kids call you wierd and want to bully you as well. Secondary school was a fresh start (so I thought) like you I started skipping out, fighting, "not listening" in class, ended up drinking most of the time. This is sort of a last attempt at reaching out for me, I have tried everything else.

yeah i dont know what to do either..
im just in limbo right now.. i feel like i cant go on much longer.