Dressing strangely, unaware of it, embarrassment

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Sometimes I wear clothes that I do not realize are strange. I'm really particular about what I wear. There are only a few kinds of clothes that make me feel like "me." I'm a female, 20 years old. The only kinds of pants I like are black cargo pants, which kind of look good on my in my opinion, because I'm gay and a bit masculine, kind of tall and thin, so they lay well on my body (IMO! A lot of people think I look weird). I have a few shirts I like, and they are all striped.

I recently had a cello performance, in which I wore a loose-fitting sweater dress and...I'm now embarrassed to say, these asian kung fu pants which I really like. It makes me feel like an elf, and that is the only way I express femininity in a way I am comfortable with. However, other people cannot interpret how I dress in that way. My mom pointed it out, and lovingly told me to change how I dress in order for the world to take me seriously. But tights/leggings are hard for me to wear, because they feel so constricting and terrible, and they don't feel like "me" so I feel kind of naked. Ballet flats or high heels also make me feel totally alien. I feel really, really embarrassed a lot when people point this type of thing out. I wish people were more open to different kinds of clothes. Dressing formally is especially difficult, because it's really gender-oriented, the clothes are flimsy and make me feel unsafe/exposed, and so I just don't know what to do! It's so hard.

It makes me feel less embarrassed when I think that Temple Grandin wears her cowboy shirts over and over, which I've never seen anyone do, so that's reassuring.

Does anyone have any kind words or ideas about this? Does anybody relate to this kind of issue?

While I'm not at all gay, I could easily live with a wider variety of clothing styles.

With the counterculture of the 60s and into the early 70s, there was a much greater freedom of clothing than we have today. It wasn't unusual to see men wearing clothes that we wouldn't get caught dead in today. For example, in the early 70s, one of my favorite dress shirts was rather pink and I never thought a thing about it back then.

Around here, we would be looked at really strangely if we wore a kilt. If kilts were more acceptable here, I'd probably get a couple and wear them on a regular basis. I think they look pretty cool.



I've thought about getting a Norwegian bunad to wear on Sundays. If you don't know what that is, it's a traditional Norwegian folk costume that comes in a wide variety of styles. Here are a couple of samples:



I used to take ballet classes. They did wonders for improving my balance. I still have some men's ballet tights. It would be nice if we could wear something like ballet tights underneath a pair of shorts in the wintertime instead of having to wear less comfortable levis instead.

Another thing that would be cool would be an old style monks robe. For that matter, I've seen a number of old fashioned clothing items that I think it would be enjoyable to wear if we wouldn't be ridiculed for doing so.

For what it's worth, I used to wear the old variety gym shorts long after everyone else quit doing so. For example, in the 60s and 70s, nobody would have thought anything about you wearing something like this while exercising:

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What about dress pants with a blazer? It might give you a professional look without the discomfort.

As for embarrassment, I went through a short spell where I tried making my own dresses..

Wow! Thanks for the reply. I couldn't even imagine a BETTER reply than yours. Hahaha. My mother bought me a red cape from Williamsburg. I would love to wear it during the winter. It's so beautiful. How about tricorners? I wish I could wear monk's robes too. There are so many possibilities. It often perplexes me that it isn't acceptable to wear those things.

I know what you mean. I have to dress a certain way to feel like "me". I only wear faded blue jeans made of thick soft cotton like the old Levis and they have to be faded blue. I wear them with a cotton top and a little jacket or sweater. Everything has to fit loosely, Tops can be prints but they have to be either pink blue or brown. I always wear my hair the same way, long and partially back and only wear comfortable shoes like sport shoes, I can't wear pointy toes or heals. I dress this way every day. I don't know if people think my way of dressing is strange, but I don't care.

"Strange" is subjective...what looks strange/odd/bad/ugly to one person might look amazing/awesome/gorgeous/unique to somebody else.

I wear what I like and what I think looks good...I don't really care what other people think unless I have a particular reason to care (like if I'm interviewing for a job that needed formal attire or something).

I have about 20 shirts that are the same brand/style just different colors that I wear about 5 days a week throughout the year for years. I have 16 pairs of Birkenstock (Boston style) shoes in different colors and 1 pair of hiking boots for rain and snow days. I pretty much just wear jeans but it is getting more and more difficult to find cotton ones that are not stretch or like wearing a plastic bag.

I don't dress strangely at all, but I used to a bit when I was at High School, even though we had school uniform. I used to have my trousers up above my waste, mostly because I was skinny and my shirt came untucked easily, and I was afraid to be oblivious to have my shirt untucked because the staff were very strict on how we wore our uniform and we got a detention if our uniforms looked scruffy. I don't know how other skinny people coped. Also when it was hot and I had a long-sleeved shirt on, I used to roll my sleeves right up to just below my shoulders, where it was some sort of pathetic fashion rule to only roll your sleeves up to just below your elbow. But I didn't see the point in doing that because it was usually the tops of my arms that got hot, and so I felt more comfortable having my whole arms showing. So I went and got a short-sleeved shirt, that kept me a lot cooler.

The only thing what annoys me about all this conforming is most NTs like to put how they look before anything, even their health.

As a kid, my special interest was historical costumes. I'd love to have more variety in what was acceptable to wear. I love the asian style of a long tunic/dress with pants underneath. I don't mind wearing leggings but have to have something loose that comes down at least to my knees over them, otherwise I feel exposed.

If I could sew worth a crap I'd design and make all my own clothes and to heck with what the world thought.

I've never been interested in dressing fashionably but when I was younger I dressed based on what I thought looked good. The older I get the more I dress based on comfort.

I usually wear jeans and a t-shirt going out and pajamas or a nightgown with a robe at home. When I get money I need to try to find some outside clothes that are as comfortable as pajamas. Those jeans just aren't comfortable enough. I need looser and softer fabrics to be comfortable.

I've thought of getting pants like these but maybe they aren't as comfortable as they look and I'd probably have too much trouble tying them unless I got elastic waist ones which aren't as authentic.

When I was younger I received a lot of comments about the weather appropriateness of my clothing choice. I live in Canada so weather can vary from one extreme to the other. Mostly it was comments about my sandals. I like to wear sandals because they are less restrictive on my feet. If I wear them when it is snowing, people say things about it.

I can relate. I use to dress really strange until I started doing more sports and then I found that athletic clothing was really comfortable. I don't have very much money so about once a year I go buy really high quality expensive outdoors-type clothes that last a long time. They have specifically feminine designs with all the comfort joys of mens/boys clothes. You don't have to be part of the absolute mainstream fashion trend to not look strange. You can be part of a subtrend in exercise/outdoor fashion. When you mix and match and go Goodwill, that's when you start to look weird. I can almost assure you that whatever you find comfortable, there is a subtrend out there you could fit into.
Also, look at fashion/clothing/pop magazines (recent ones) and try to make little compromises between what you would normally wear and what you see in those pictures.

And as a girl, when it comes to physical appearance, when people tell you just to not care what other people think and to dress the way that makes you feel good, I recommend you mostly don't believe them. Unfortunately, even if you feel good and no one is making fun of you to your face, they probably are behind your back. In the end, it's better to do what you can to look like other people, even if you don't have problems with feeling lonely.

During the winter here in the Upper Midwest, I have a dark-brown parka with thick (fake)-fur fringe around the hood. When everything is all zipped up, only my nose sticks out and I feel like a monk. I for one could enjoy wearing something like a burka.

I say be yourself. Get a really good haircut, carry yourself proudly and you may become a trend setter.

Marlene Dietrich and Katherine Hepburn wore trousers and blazers (suit jackets, if you don't know the American slang word 'blazer' - I try not to assume everyone speaks Americanized English) in the 1930s when it was considered really odd or even shocking.

I don't see why you can't wear a tux with a big flower on the lapel to a formal occasion, or a nice flare leg pantsuit. They make formal pantsuits.

You might like boots, those are kind of unisex and cover a lot of leg so you don't have to wear hose or tights. Not with formal wear of course but casual to dressy is okay.

Fashion is like the weather, you can track, you can predict a little bit of it, and you can't do anything about it.

Okay, first off, I have to say that's awesome that you play cello. I do too. I have been playing since 2nd grade and I often find it a great stress reliever.

On the subject of dressing, I can totally relate. Although I am not lesbian (I actually am wondering if I am asexual), I am a 16 year old girl. The only things I feel comfortable wearing is jeans, cargo/camo pants and t-shirts. I never can understand why girls take so much time and wear those uncomfortable, labor intensive, annoying clothes. My mom has said I need to wear something other than just t-shirts and jeans or camo/cargo pants and often buys me nice shirts but I never wear them. They just sit in my closet.