A "predisposition to melancholy"

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Warning: TL; DR

I think it's safe to say that I came up with the above term myself...I've never seen it mentioned anywhere else.

No, I'm not a doctor/psychiatrist/psychologist, or anything of that nature (although I might be able to play one on TV in a pinch, lol).

I came up with the term "predisposition to melancholy" or "PtM" to describe what I believe one one of my issues from the time I was a very young child. I was a very emotionally over-sensitive child when I was very young, crying at the most benign of things, things that didn't even register with children my own age. Sometimes I would dissolve in tears for no reason at all.

One incident of this that I remember best is when I was in a small bookstore with my parents when I was about 4. I was paging through a book about the little-known TV character Dudley the Dragon (this would have been the early-to-mid 90s)...and when I finished reading, I just started crying for no reason. My mother came over to me and asked, "What is it, LtlPinkCoupe? Why are you crying?" And I couldn't answer her, because I didn't know, myself. Then my mother opened her purse and took out my plastic "Super Mario" toy, which comforted me instantly. I mostly carried around a stuffed animal with me when I was younger, but there were other assorted, random objects I would cling to, as well....a hardened lump of green play-doh, a plastic milk bottle I called "Max," a plastic toy of Pongo from 101 Dalmatians, a yellow baby spoon, a couple plastic Barney toys, and a murex shell with a soft, pink inner core. I think the purpose of my array of animals/objects were to serve as some kind of talisman, security blanket or a "shield," something that allowed me to feel safe and not scared, anxious, or scared.

I still do that these days, with smaller stuffed animals/toys that I keep in my shoulder bag. I guess it doesn't go away; I still have that same PtM even as a 21-year-old adult. I just randomly get sad for no reason and can feel depressed for an hour or two until I distract myself somehow or watch/do something that cheers me up a bit.

In fact, an incident similar to the bookstore one happened just a few years ago when I was a senior in high school - my senior class had taken a weekend trip to New York City, and I had this friend who literally wanted to buy everything she laid her eyes on (whereas I just wanted to buy one small souvenir for each immediate family member, and if I was going to buy a stuffed animal, it was at least going to have "I love NY" somewhere on it), and when she bought too much crap, it fell to me to carry most of it. The bags were really heavy and I woke up with a pinched nerve in my shoulder the next day. She bought so much, she needed room in my suitcase to store some of it, and consequently, I only got about 4 hours of sleep that night. The next day we all went to the airport, and as we were going through several security checkpoints, my friend kept asking loudly, "What are they looking for? Bombs and stuff?" So THEN I had to worry that we'd fall under the suspicion of the TSA and were going to spend the rest of the weekend in Guantanamo or something, and by the time we were at our gate and were waiting for our flight, I just couldn't take any more....I just started crying uncontrollably. I couldn't tell anyone why, because like in the bookstore, I didn't even know myself. A lot of my classmates (all of them girls) and the teacher/chaperones came over to me expressing their sympathy, but my friend just started loudly chastising me about how I needed to calm down and not be anxious for trivial reasons...good lord. Actually I DID know the reason why I was crying (my friend was not behaving like a friend and had basically used me as some kind of servant or valet the whole weekend) but I felt like I couldn't tell anyone this.

I should add that occasions in which I lose control like that in public are very, very rare...I'm well aware that such behavior in a public setting is usually met with, "Stop crying and act your age...your life isn't that bad; stop being a cry baby." I almost wish that my reactions to accumulated stressors was a violent one (screaming, aggression, breaking things, threats) - at least then, it makes people think, "Oh wow, we'd better not provoke her again, we'd better just leave her alone." Not so if your response to extreme stress is to cry uncontrollably. Many people seem to get some kind of twisted pleasure from seeing someone cry and are only motivated to antagonize them further.

Did anyone else feel this way as a kid, or was it present from the time you were an infant - Anxious and sad a lot of the time; sometimes crying for no reason? Or maybe you still feel that way?

I apologize if I annoyed anyone with this, I've just been thinking really hard about what I was like as a child and wanted to get this out in the open.

Yes, I'm melancholic

I respond far more to the sad things in life than happy things and people have often said I never smile/always look sad

I'm not always feeling sad, I just have a sad looking face but I do tend to prefer serious subjects to light hearted ones although
I do have a sense of humour

I find it very pressurising to be around people who expect you to be in a happy, 'up' mood all the time and in order to maintain even a semblance of a steady mood I have to be on anti-depressants. If I'm not on them, the mental energy needed to try and match the average person's relatively buoyant mood is substantial.

When not on my tablets songs can easily make me cry and things in the news and films sometimes.

I've cried in public and at work a number of times but never got the impression people were trying to make me cry more - on the contrary people generally ignored me if I cried in public; it made them feel uncomfortable and embarrassed them and I could tell they wanted me to stop lol At work people could be more sympathetic sometimes but some were unpleasant about it. I remember one colleague (a complete b***h) sitting there texting while I was crying - evidently texting someone else to give them the news. I could never be that heartless towards someone who was crying.