How important is the parental input in an adult diagnosis?

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I recently attended an interview to assess the likelihood of my having Asperger's Syndrome (I'm 32 and live in the UK), and the nurse assessing me said that I meet all of the criteria and have there's a very high chance I have Asperger's. I am being referred to a psychiatrist for a formal diagnosis, but I need to provide the contact details of one of my parents (they both live in another country) so they can be interviewed. Having done a lot of reading on the subject, I can think of many events from my childhood which back up the theory that I have Asperger's, but I don't have a lot of early childhood memories and I'm fully aware that memories are entirely subjective and can be fallible. I spoke to my mom about it last night, but she has very serious ADHD, is not the most observant person, and has a tendency to remember things the way she wishes they were rather than the way they actually were. When I spoke to her, she mentioned that I never cried as a baby, but that I smiled a lot and was a very obedient child. She said that she did notice 'other things', but she didn't specify what before she went off on a tangent about ADHD. Also, I grew up with my dad after my parents divorced when I was six years old, so I think my dad (who is very neurotypical) would have noticed more. My dad is very conservative, though, so I'm worried about how he'll react when I speak to him about the posibility of my having Asperger's, and whether he will deny my childhood idiosyncracies.

I am pretty sure that I have Asperger's, and a diagnosis would be hugely beneficial to me in my work and would also make me feel vindicated against people who have said that I have 'emotional issues' and need intensive therapy. It would be nice to have reassurance that it's not a bad thing to be as socially awkward, as sensitive to sensory input, and as unable to multitask as I am, and that's it's not something that needs to be 'fixed.' I'm worried, however, that the information my parents give won't support the diagnosis, and this carry more weight than my own current situation and memories. I'd really like to hear others' opinions and experiences, especially those of people whose parents either weren't entirely supportive or who remembered things differently.

Thanks!

Your parents sound a bit like my parents. Dad in complete denial of the existence of Asperger's and Mum very forgetful due to not being entirely neurotypical herself.

I took my Mum in the end as I knew my Dad would probably withhold information and they only needed one parent. They did say at the interview that they take into account these kinds of issues with relatives being forgetful and resistant to the idea of a diagnosis, so they are aware that it can be a problem. The Relatives Questionnaire that my mum filled in gave me a score below the cut-off for ASD, but then during the interview she remembered a lot more stuff through prompting from the psychologist. When faced with general questions about whether she thought there was anything wrong with me as a child she would say I was fine, but the very specific questions the psychologist asked her brought out the detail that was needed. She was fairly 'on the fence' about whether I had Asperger's before the assessment and qualified all her answers with 'but I'm sure lots of children do that'. I still got the diagnosis.

In short: the answer depends on your diagnostician. Some will be willing to make a diagnosis without external input, some wont. The input doesn't necessarily have to be parental so if you happened to have a grandparent, aunt or uncle who knew you well during your early developmental years that might suffice.

They will be asking question relating to round about age 1 onwards so there will be a definite period during which your own answers would be unreliable and, if the psychiatrist you are seeing is of a particular mindset, you will require additional input. You might luck out and get a psychiatrist who will be willing to diagnose without parental input although you obviously don't want to rely on that chance.

The kind of questions which my mother was asked about my early years were things like whether I met developmental milestones (sitting, self-feeding, babbling/speaking etc) at the correct times (I did), what "kind" of a baby I was (a fairly withdrawn and quiet one with extreme "tantrums" at times), whether I enjoyed being held or sought out affection (not really), whether I was interested in socialising with other children at a young age (not in the slightest, I preferred to ignore their existence if possible).

I'm a little bit concerned about this too (having assessment soon with input from my mother). I know my aspie traits have been blazingly obvious throughout my adolescence and adulthood but, while I remember a few things which suggest it, I don't have much memory of my childhood, and my mother also tends to see it through rose-tinted glasses. For example, I recently pointed out to her that I have always been extremely clumsy and uncoordinated and she disagreed with me, despite numerous very obvious childhood issues to that effect, such as consistently dreadful school sports reports, inability to catch a ball, being extremely late to learn to ride a bike, being taken to a chiropodist to correct my "weird" way of walking, etc. If she has managed to forget all that I suspect the other difficulties will have disappeared from her memory too.

The disgnostician I am seeing does seem pretty sure I have AS after seeing me a couple of times so hopefully she will know to ask the right questions and be able to take this stuff into account too.

your chances of getting a successful diagnosis one way or the other will be improved by you having a corroborative third party cross assessment from a relative or friend with intimate knowledge of your childhood or earlier life.

In my case a parental account was not possible because they are both dead so my wife and aunt came instead. I did get a diagosis of hf ASD. Though I am not sure my parents being there would have helped cause I was estranged from my father since the age of 2 and my mothers view of me was distorted by the 'special snowflake' effect. She would have refused to accept there was anything different about my mind.

Thank you for all of your comments.

I spoke to my dad last night and he was initially taken aback because he'd never heard of Asperger's and when I tried to explain it, he said, 'Well, that could describe half the population!' or 'That sounds like most women.' He was then very supportive, however, and said that he would do what he can to help, but that he doesn't remember much about my early childhood. I sent both him and my mother some links about Asperger's traits and my mother remembered that I flapped my hands as a young child, that I spoke more like an adult than a child, that I had to have my stuffed animals in a certain order, that my imaginary friends (who were all adult men!) had their specific places at our table, that I didn't crawl, and that I isolated myself and didn't like interacting with other children. Then she went off on a tangent about her own development, but I think she might be a good reference if she can be kept on topic and if she remembers these things when asked.

My husband wrote a letter to my doctor in case I got stuck for something to say when I first sought a referral, and the nurse who assessed me this week said that it was very helpful and added it to my file, so hopefully that will carry some weight too. I just want it to be over with so I can stop thinking about it!

I think the interview with my mom was rather important. So as example at the start of my diagnosis I brought her the formular with questions for parents. She ansered them out of her personal view as example: "Was there something that seemed to be else with your child?" - "No."

"Did your child seem to have a desire for creating patterns when doing certain stuff." - "No."

"Did your child avoid eyecontact ... / ... had very view contacts to friends..../ ...." Everything no.

So according to her, I was a wonderful normal child without anything weird and the diagnosing specialist was a bit wondering because, she himself could see by her own eyes, that the answers of my mom didnt fit to what she saw himself. Until she met my mom, who rarely had eyecontact to the doctor, meet her friends once every three months, always searches herself the most quiet and isolated place in pulic bath, and has patterns for everything. XD Best question, was when she was asked if I ever did any roleplay as a child: "Can you explain that further?" - (Doctor explains typical child roleplay.) - "What? O_o *weird suspicious look at the doctor if this is a joke or sarcasm* No!"