My friend doesn't believe me when I say I might be an aspie.

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The only friend I have thought I was crazy when I told him about what's happening in my life currently, and what personal realizations I'm facing. It really kind of hurt my feelings in fact.

I told him about Aspergers, and how I think I was misdiagnosed for ADD as a small child in the early 90's. I explained the videos I saw of me when I was a child, when they examined and diagnosed me with ADD. The notes written by the examining party stated that there was notably no eye to eye contact, and no social interaction with other children. In the video another kid even came right up to me, grabbed the toy I was playing with out of my hands, and I didn't even have a reaction, it was as if he wasn't even there and the toy didn't exist anymore. It was like the room was full, but to me it was empty and I was off in my own little world.

How could they mistake that for ADD?

I explained to my only friend how none of the teachers understood my academic performance, and how I had among the highest reading levels in my years, yet I struggled in other areas where the teachers required me learn through communication, and interactions with others.

He immediately changed the subject, and got angry at me because, as he explained, when he hears his friends speaking ill of themselves he feels the need to defend them, or something noble and equally shortsighted like that, then he ignored me.

It's like he thinks I'm playing the "poor me" card, when really I'm trying to make sense of my confusing past. He can't understand what it was like, because he had everything so good. He was the single most popular guy in the school, because it came easy to him, and the only reason I did some fun things and had a few "friends" in high school is because he literally had to force me to come along with him, otherwise I would've just stayed home.

He says I'm just introverted and anti-social, so I say "That's my point exactly...". (Keep in mind, the whole time I'm stuttering and struggling to get my words out.)

He say's the reason I can't make friends is I sell myself short, so I say,"If that's the case then it's been like that consistently all my life.".
He say's I've always been popular, and I had plenty of friends in high school, he then proceeded to ask me if I remembered all these fun and awesome things we did together (none of which we even did together, they were all things he did with other people.), so I say ,"I was primarily known as 'Max's friend' by most people in the school, and that was the only reason they came up to talk to me except for a curious few, who were interested in the quiet awkward kid sitting alone, scribbling in a notebook.

Basically, if it weren't for him I would have had no friends and I would have isolated myself from everyone in high school, just like in every other school I went to previously.

My mother said she always thought I had Aspergers, but she kept me medicated for ADD so she could steal my Adderall for herself, her being a prior meth addict. She confessed this to me later in life, it was rather enlightening.

I always knew I had issues socializing. I felt like I had no apparent identity, as if I was a mystery to people. I did my best to fake it; I tried so hard to fit in, and sometimes I could pull it off, but most of the time it was awkward interactions followed by a lack of understanding as to why. I couldn't sustain friendships or 'normal' conversations with people, and I still have trouble with both of those.
For years I've repeated the same phrase in my head, 'I'm an actor, these people don't really know me.'

Any time I meet someone new I have an almost choreographed act to get them to like me, to think I'm genuine or interesting, then, when I run out of things, when I use up my limited amount of social skills that I have worked so hard to attain throughout my life, I fall in on myself, knowing that any interactions I have with someone are a charade, but not fully understanding the reason why.

Anyways, if anyone could give me advice or opinions on whether or not I could be an aspie, I would greatly appreciate it. Also, how would one deal with friends and family who may have a negatively biased opinion towards people with Aspergers?

here's a brief test based on the criteria docs use: www.iautistic.com/test_AS.php if you just want peace of mind, these sorts of tests will be enough. if you need accommodations or benefits, you'll want to follow up with a psychologist or psychiatrist.

I just tried the link, and evidently, it isn't working. if you google aspergers tests, you'll find others.

I tried again and got to the link. once again, came out autistic.

I've taken as many tests as I could find on the internet, and all of them turn out definitively in favor of me having it.
Also, I recently met someone who is diagnosed with Asperger's, and she is convinced that I have it. I told her my life story, the best I could tell it, and she says that based off of that and how I act around other people (avoiding eye contact, social anxiety), she has no doubt that I have it.
It's like I started a puzzle 20 years ago and I'm finding all these pieces that were missing. I accept how I am, and the peace of mind I've slowly been gaining is amazing in comparison to the confusion I've previously felt.

Thank you for your response.

I would have to say that you do have ASD. but I would see a psychiatrist.

BTW: I would be careful of that friend of yours. It sounds like to me that your using your friend as a proxy. When you are in a desperate situation to make friends. The first 1 or 2 friends you make (If you can?). You may find yourself using them as proxies. Funneling or channeling all of your social interaction and human relations through.

Is it possible your friend is feeling emotions that are obscure to you? If you have AS, I would think this is a real possibility.

In any case, consider that he may be having an internal emotional response that is leading him to avoid the subject or deny your ideas for reasons that are more about himself than about you or his feelings about you.

He may have some anxiety about his own differences from a neurotypical ideal and your discussion of your discoveries and suspicions about yourself may be triggering that anxiety in him.

Or this conversation may have reminded him of some other relationship in his past that he would prefer not to think about.

I definitely lived through him for many years, and it wasn't the healthiest of friendships, even though we were considered 'best friends'. He took advantage of me multiple times and I feel like he's never really understood me, even though he could manipulate me fairly easily (like everyone else I've met).
Regardless, he's been one of my few friends, if not my only friend, for 8 years. I know he has recognized my difficulties communicating, and my anti-social behaviours, because he would tease me about them whenever he was given the chance, but he refuses to see the connection for some reason, maybe out of guilt for treating me poorly in the past?
I honestly have no idea what he's feeling, but I would guess he doesn't really understand the syndrome, plus I was really nervous when I told him, so I don't think I was as clear as I would've liked.

If you decide to try to get a diagnosis and it goes the whole distance, be prepared for a lot more of this. You really find out who your friends are when this kind of thing happens.

I have a friend, a really very good one, that was the most popular guy during university. I think that he still doesn't understand me, but he accepts me. At the end, I have lost hope than any NT can understand anything I explain about being aspie. But the test for friendship is not understanding, is accepting me as I am.

If he has accepted you as you were, do the same for him: he's a NT. He has not the ability to understand a different mind. It's up to you to be his friend and to accept him as he is, as he does with you. At the end of the day, this is friendship.

I'm a lot older and have recently understood my own differences.

I suspect as a child I would have been diagnosed ADHD if the condition had been more widely recognised but then ASCs were poorly recognised and only diagnosed in people who could not function effectively at all and AS did not exist as a diagnosis.

When I had my suspicions confirmed I started to tell my friends and family.
Their reactions varied from accepting it as something they knew about me already to complete rejection of the idea.

Those who rejected the idea almost all came round after a while but it took letting them have time to adjust to the idea and to observe me and remember my oddities and put things in place in their minds - I could not persuade them myself, I had to let them come to the understanding in their own time once I had given them the suggestion. some of them went away and researched a bit, others just seemed to ignore the idea for a while but eventually they assimilated it and autism became part of who I am for them - I think they have to reassess who you are and that can be difficult when they think they've known you for so long; it takes a while for them to understand that having a label doesn't change who you are, it just explains some of the things you have struggled with

Your friend probably doesn't like the idea of you possibly having Aspergers as he would probably feel it reflected badly on him
(erroneously of course). His opinion isn't relevant though - it's your life and if you think you have it you have every right to pursue the issue.

Your friend is right that you're feeling introverted. Don't doubt yourself..............