Rules - why are they so important?

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The title is supposed to have double meaning: not just that rules have an importance in everyday life, but also that we (as Aspies and ASDs) take them so seriously.

In our library at college we have a few floors that are designated as "Quiet" floors, which mean that you can talk quietly and even still have your phones on.

There are also "Group Study" floors that practically resemble cocktail parties.in their socializing and noise levels. I don't study on those floors, obviously.

We have ONE floor that's designated as the "Silent" floor - no talking, no chatting, no phones, no overly loud ear buds/headphones, nothing but SILENCE. I prefer this floor for my studying.

Unfortunately very few of my fellow students understand what silence means or even that the floor is supposed to be silent. They talk, have phone conversations, listen to music without headphones, it's ridiculous. I have called down to the main desk and requested that they send a person up to remind students to be silent, but it has no effect.

The other night, during the very tense last week of school, I lost it and started pointing to the sign, being angry and frustrated, cussing people and so on and so forth. It wasn't pretty.

The thing is, I was the one who "had the problem." No one else could see that they might have even done anything wrong.

There was even this very nice young man who wanted to clear things up before he left the floor - which I appreciated - but he was convinced that I hadn't been able to hear him and his girlfriend chatting the entire time they had been on the floor, that they were not, in effect, just as loud as everyone else who had been talking.

He really had no comprehension,
1) of what "silent" means, and
2) how the rule might actually apply to him.

Meanwhile, every time anyone speaks on the "Silent' floor they might as well have a megaphone - it's comparable to someone chatting behind me during lecture - it's so completely distracting that I have no idea how to deal with it.
Part of my frustration is that IT'S THE RULE - no talking. I feel like a child when I say that, but I honestly feel that if there is a rule for something (a rule that makes perfect sense, I might add), then why aren't people following it? Why isn't it being enforced?

I need to be able to study. I need to do so in quiet. I feel it's a losing battle, and I don't understand why this one thing is so hard for people to understand. Have we, as a species, completely forgotten how to be quiet?

black and white logic, I have a problem with it and others as well

Rules provide needed structure, guidance, direction, order, predictabillity, in general a sense of comfort to people like me that need it. I take all the rules literal aswell and fear what wil happen if I break them.

Last edited by rapidroy on 08 May 2013, 7:59 am, edited 1 time in total.

The thing is, there are tons of people who think that rules don't apply to then because rules are only for stupid sheeple, or so most people tend to think. Problem is, how many self proclaimed stupid sheeple do you know?

The days of the silent library are over. It's hard to find silence anywhere. I think some people are able to tune out other people's conversations so that it doesn't bother them. But I can't do this.

Yup - they just don't get how annoying it is. Sounded like the incident ended well though; so that's good.
I think rules that aren't to do with criminal activity are fairly flexible. The group decides.

I'd like to direct my reply to the second part of your sentence. I think, and this is just my private hypothesis, that Aspies learn social behavior as a set of processing rules, similar to how one learns Math. Also, rules are instilled in every child when they go to interact with other children in a school, pre-school, daycare, etc. Rules, in this case, are allowing a quick processing of the daily "social" interactions with caregivers, and other individuals.

That leads to a problem once you leave an environment of simple rules (don't scream, don't hit each other, don't throw things) and fairly low outside social interaction (i.e., a teacher leading a class). The social complexity goes up almost exponentially. The rules, both behavioral and social, become more complex, change more often, and are less transparent. The importance of Social Capital goes up at a time when the value is not apparent.

So, the hypothetical Aspie is left with nothing else to rely on but a set of documented rules, in an environment where breaking the rules is encouraged socially, and often by the relevant powers (teachers, for example).

It’s important to have rules so you can break them.

I never understood the point in having them if they are meant to be broken. I also broke them as well as a child because I saw other kids do it and I always got in trouble for it while they were allowed to break them.

I could never figure out the rules for breaking rules. I remember as a child I used to panic when the teacher left the room, like all hell was going to break loose. (and sometimes it did.)

Mom told me as a child kids know when to break them and when to stop and they know where the lines are drawn. It still made me mad because I felt I was being treated different and kids wouldn't follow them. I guess that came with seeing things in black and white and not reading social cues. I was too stubborn to be a goody two shoe because I wanted to be like everyone else. Mom also told me it has to do with them testing their limits and then they get excited when they get away with it. I never did that as a kid. I did test my limits as a child but not like that. I remember thinking then "Hey no one is here so I can do this and they will never know I did it" and then be surprised I got caught because kids would tell on me or my mother over heard me but yet when I would tell on other kids, it was a bad thing. But I never did it to see if I can get away with it or not because I thought I would get away with it so I wasn't testing my limits. Apparently people don't grow out of it because they do it as adults too.

I think social rules are time specific . . . they vary with the situation; which is what makes it so complex. I just kept my head down and hoped no one noticed me.

The few times I bent the rules, usually following someone elses lead or encoragement I felt such horrible fear of being punished and dissapointing others, it was not fun or exciteing at all. I absolutely hate pushing boundries as its just so far outside of my comfort zone, haveing to look over my shoulder. I will never understand how people find breaking rules to be a positive experence, then again they tend to know how actually get away with more then I ever could, I always get cought breaking almost all the unwritten rules so my records was not exactly clean to start out with.

This. The rules that I did break were the wrong ones and at the wrong times and nobody ( peers, teachers or parents) approved. A lot of the rules that I followed were apparently meant to be broken because I got teased for following them or pointing out when others didn't follow them.

To the OP, those people are just flat out rude. There's a reason for the quiet floors and the noisy floors and the silent floors. People need different levels of noise to function and study. Going to the one silent floor and making noise when there are tons of other floors designated as noise making floors is just rude. I don;'t think that's rigidly following useless rules. I think you were completely right to complain about that.

Seems like hunter–gatherer instincts.

http://www.crimethinc.com/texts/atoz/shoplifting.php

The short answer is because one makes them important. the long answer, well you just don't want to know.
If you make something to behold, now it becomes this thing a person likes to observe and follow

Those are my thoughts exactly. WP is the only place that I haven't broke the rules.