Childhood friends - indifferences, issues

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Hello,

Im a recent self-diagnosed Asperger looking for a 'official' one.

Have you also lost contact with your childhood friends?
I was close(or I thought I was) to them until I was like 12 or 13.
But I gradually got away from them for no reason at that time(I know the reason now thought), and now that im 28 im completly away from them. Although I know that if I call them I will be welcome, or way more than welcome(they actually like me), I can´t seem to do it.

One of the reasons is that whenever im with them I don´t quite fit. I get along way more with older people or intelligent people, people that talk about interesting stuff etc. They are the kind of the that just talk crap all the time. I do like humor but just not their kind of humor, but I still miss them for some reason.

In my life, on those 28 years that I didn´t know I had Aspergers, I did(or didnt) a lot of stuff that got them away from me, never called them, never invited them to my house etc.

Ive always asked myself "why do I miss them but I dont get in touch with them ?"

Does this happens to you also ? Is there any hope or I should just let it go and keep doing new friends like Im doing, even if I miss the old ones? This is really fkd up.

There is also another issue. I know I hurt them for being indifferent(can´t help this). If I see them in the streets I rather follow my way than talking to them, but when they see me I feel forced to talk to them just to not hurt them.

Yes i know how it feels, it hurts more to look at there recent Facebook photos and see that all the kids from the time period you discribe are still together yet I have only talked to one of them in the last 8 years and that was a chance encounter, he said he would come by for a visit and 2 years later i'm still waiting. At that age (11-13) they changed from play/object based interacting to social interaction, something I did not tend to understand how to do or enjoy unless we already have common intrests to talk about and I never did. The others had long got sick of my repetitive intrests aswell. I think at that age my AS started to really show through and the others I thought were starting to treat me different and I hated that thought.

I miss the fun and interaction, the feeling of inclusion and belonging, the lack of bullying I felt for the short time I had school friends however I have to realise (and its apperent from the Facebook photos/comments the write) that we are just too different as far is who we are as people to have any kind of friendship, even if I tryed to reconnect I know it would never work. I entered high school with no friends and left the same way, dispite having a fresh start no one wanted me to be there friend. While its a struggle I have moved on to a couple of new friends who I do share alot with. I still do think about what might have been though if only I could have related better.

Yes I have and only one of them contacted me five years ago and we are Facebook friends. I have seen my old friends on Facebook but never added them. I am afraid of them not liking me or disliking me and rejecting my request. I lost friends as I got older because interests changed and they got more into social stuff and I still wanted play time.