Depression

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Depression was my first dx. Was thought to be post-partum but lasted wayyyyyy past my babys 1st birthday (he just had his 17th b-day in March).

I know the neuro-chemical imbalance behind it & all (I am on an anti-depressant but am wondering if it's even working for me?) But I also think that situational depression can be there alongside it.

And THAT'S where I'm at today. It feels like a big, BLACK cloud over my whole life. I've been laying around today thinking about it (once I got back from the gym, that is). Wasn't dwelling on the mechanics of the situation (what she said, what I did, what I said back....yada, yada, yada).

What feels so utterly hopeless is the rejection I've encountered lately. (Have gone into it in another thread--"Those Pesky NT's & their 'teaching moments'") I'm trying to NOT dwell on the fact that the people who rejected me were the ladies from my church! (I know that Christians aren't perfect, blah, blah, blah) but that's not the worst part....the worst part is that I'll be 47 y/old this year and (now, for those who don't like literal, go away because that's the ONLY way I know how to put it!) LITERALLY every social-situation I've EVER been in, I have FAILED MISERABLY. I can say I've been fired from every job BEFORE I've reached the 90 day mark!! ! Except for 3: the U.S. Air Force [although they did give me a no-reinlist code...so, there's that] a unionized company [so they had to do so much of documentation that takes more than a year--but then I was fired] and a collection agency [where I was the office manager, so my AS 'quirks' were not very evident...but I STILL got the ax at about the 9 month mark & it was because of the quirks that did show].

If there were a cure for my Aspergers, I would take it in a New York minute!! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !

Wow, 5 days & almost 140 views later & no one else around here EVER gets even a touch of the blues? Lucky you!

I get depression and need to take anti-depressants all the time to ward this off

I can still feel down on some days but the tablets stop it turning into suicidal depression

If I ruminate about all the bad ways people have treated me and stuff that's gone wrong I can very easily make myself miserable so I use the technique I learned via CBT therapy to switch my thoughts away from the negative stuff as thoughts have a direct impact on feelings

ie if you think about something depressing you will feel depressed

It is not the event that is making you feel depressed, it is the thinking about it, so if you switch to thinking about something else - something pleasant or neutral, you will start feeling better.

You need to tell yourself that you are trying your best and have done very well from what I have read of your posts. You make efforts to engage with your community - this is something a lot of aspies don't even attempt; I don't do it regularly myself, only once a month at most. So you should be proud of your achivements and not put yourself down. Try and be more of a friend to yourself.

I don't work myself and don't intend to again as the workplace environment is just not condusive to the way I am. I've worked in the past though for most of my adult life so as far as I'm concerned I've done enough.

I try and assist other people with ASDs via running an information phone line and I set up a support group which is still running.

There's still a role to be played in the community even if you aren't working.

I think we expect social interactions to go perfectly or we've failed but this isn't the case - NTs get frustrated all the time with them but they don't stop - they just continue and see it as a learning experience.

You seem a nice person and that's far more important than being a big social success.

We have Asperger's Syndrome, which affects our social interaction abilities so we shouldn't put so much pressure on ourselves to be good at something that was always going to be a lot harder for us in the first place

I'm not sure what you're trying to get out of this thread. Is it to find similar experiences in others?

I'm young compared to you, so I don't know how much use I'll be, but I can try and describe my experience.
I was DX'd with depression and anxiety 5 years ago officially, as a side-effect of pain which later turned out to be psychosomatic. Until then I hadn't realised I was depressed, because I had always been that way. Also, because I was a weird kid I was bullied, so my parents thought it was normal to be isolated and down. I'm still on anti-depressants because there is no 'logical' cause behind it. Part of the difficulty is that I have trouble identifying and dealing with how I feel so I don't address any underlying issues. I've been put on a variety of antidepressants as they work for a little while until their effects gradually decrease, which I don't usually realise until I have a major depressive episode (suicidal). I'm currently taking Sertraline.

At university I began seeing a counsellor as my previous support structure (my mum) was unavailable. He was the one who drew my attention to the possibility of having Asperger's. After a lot of research, I feel that I most likely do have it, although my GP said that the tests to get an official diagnosis are very expensive and take a lot of time. Since joining WP and talking with others on the spectrum, I have begun to feel much better about myself, because I am not the only one like me in the world. That I am not weird for no reason, that there are people who can understand me and who I can understand.

This was a big revelation to me and has really helped my mental state. I no longer feel like I have to constantly force myself to try and fit in with those around me. I struggle with things more than other people, but so what? In fact, I have found a few friends who accept me for who I am, weird quirks and difficulties included. I have found things that I like doing and hope to make a career of. I still have down days but I try not to blame myself for them too much, and instead try and find ways of dealing with it.

For me, finding a few things that make me happy is all I really want out of life. It would be nice to be successful, sure, but it doesn't matter if I'm not. My mum has always encouraged me to keep trying and it is only by doing so that I have found those few rare people who accept me. The same goes for medication - if it's not working, try something else. As difficult as it is changing anything in your life when you have AS, sometimes it is necessary.

My apologies if this post sounds too 'preachy' or self-centric. I hope things get better for you soon!

Sorry to hear that.

I have horrible depression, have taken every kind of medication with little effect. I get insecure and have a hard time talking about it though. My depression comes off as me being pissed off and people don't react well, so I tend to bottle it up until I can do that no longer and have a breakdown.

You'd probably have gotten more replies in the Haven.

Thank you, Nessa & Grevesy!

No, G-your post wasn't preachy or self-centric in a way that would be offending....I mean, almost any post here could be classified as self-centric, so....

I really appreciate the both of y'all sharing your experiences with me...you've both said some things that I ***REALLY*** needed to hear.

Thanks so much!

edited to add: Marshall, I forgot all about Haven..... & your experience sounds very much the same as mine!

I have suffered depression and anxiety for over 15 year . Never really found any drugs that work . Therapy never worked even CBT did not work for me . They just kept trying to push me in to social situation . No mater how many times I told them that I pushed myself into social situations and that always left me drained and that's when the depression would really kick in. They would not listen and just keep telling me to get out to partys
and such.
I too had the problem with not really understanding why I was depressed most of the time. After finding this site I feel I understand a little better. I have always tried too hard to be something I am not , to fit in with others , to be more normal and fit in to the spot in society that I am supposed to . After discovering this site I am coming
to realisation that this may never happen and I need to find the real me among all the masks I have used . I think finding myself is my first real step .
I would suggest that you don't forget who you are by trying to be what is expected of you as you can easily lose yourself as I have .

The other thing I would say is that having children can put a massive strain on you . You put there needs first and feel a great responsibility for them .I have two and even though they are now grown ( still living at home though ) I tend to put there needs above my own . Never forget about yourself ( something I also need to to do)

All the best Simon

Hi Simon,
Yeah, I have 2 teen-agers myself. DD is 19, living at home w/her BF, has no job & not much of a prospect as she has never gotter her drivers license yet (I *think* DH is enabling her---then again, I'm the Mommy so I have to take 50% credit for that).
DS is 17 & a junior in HS.

If I'd had my Aspergers dx BEFORE the kids, I don't think I would have had children. (But that's a "wag"...b/c it didn't happen that way so I have no idea of what I would have done.)

I myself looking back may not have gone down the same route knowing what I know now.

No one in the UK really talks about autism of any type . I have only found out about it after trying to discover why my wife ,son and daughter were having so many problems .They have more severe difficulties in the area of language .My son because he was quiet at school was pretty much ignored and just considered slow (even though he can outplay anyone when it comes to the xbox including the puzzle type games ) When little he had a diagnosis of ADD after ten mins with a doc . This seems not too fit at all as how could he play the same game from start to finish if he has attention problems ( all he seems capable of doing is playing xbox and watching anime ).My daughter they said had ADHD even though the doc never even saw her . She would refuse to see him and scream her head of in corridor if we tried to make her go in the same room as him . If seems anyone with autistic like symptoms in the country just get rubber stamped with ADD or ADHD . My daughter however got into a school with a department for language problems because her behaviour was difficult for a regular school to cope with . The new school refused to acknowledge she had ADHD .I think it may have had something to do with the fact that there were autistic kids in the class so the teachers acted in a different way. She suddenly became a well behaved school kid. Now she is at college with a teacher who as an autistic son and she is convinced she is autistic .

So as you can imagine My two at 21 and nearly 18 won't be moving out in the near future