A long post from an absent loon

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A very long update – as I have been away for awhile:

Personal challenges:

My dad was diagnosed with thyroid cancer and for awhile there we were all in complete and total crisis mode – no emails, no phone calls, nothing – just the family huddle. Since then he has had his thyroid removed and has begun a course of preventative radiation therapy and so things are a little calmer and a little saner.

But I am still dealing with the potential death issue. The idea that my confidant and biggest supporter may no longer be around, that his love, his works, his skills, and his knowledge may all just disappear is very scary indeed. I spend a lot of time reading about cancer but also in reading about death, reincarnation and the role of the soul in various religions. What happens when my dad does die?

I am also still working on my Asperger’s Help book but am having trouble with finding sources of information on adult autism. Very few agencies – government or otherwise deal with adult aspies or adult HFA. Two even feel that there is no such thing and assure me it is curable in childhood!! !

I am also trying to get my book of short stories published and am having to deal with the stress of writing socially acceptable business letters, emails, and even making very difficult phone calls. I don’t speak human much less publisher and so life is definitely a bit odd right now.

And I am working on my third instrument, the bass guitar. Whole new theory, tonal range, and technique from the brass I play. Eep.

So basically my desk is covered in books on cancer, nutrition, publishing, self-publishing, religion, spirituality, and even social science.

I spend a lot of time on the edge of either anger or crying, too, as my various stresses and worries pile up.

One biggie is that my boyfriend refuses to join any local Aspie or Aspie aid help groups, or read any web pagings, posting, books, or even short articles. He say he does not have the time, and then he yells at me for things I have told him about…or tells me to “grow up” or “act normal”.

So I am accepting any and all advice on dealing with him, on thoughts of death and dying, on publishing, on writing, and on being an Aspie! Huge amount of ground there I know, but I need help and I currently and sadly do not have time or money to seek yet another “professional” who may or may not have a clue.

Finally, I fully intend to become more active in this and other forums and in my writing and health discussion groups. I must reconnect – so I shall make a point of answering any posts and reading anything at all that looks vaguely helpful – something I am notoriously remiss about.

I am also still seeking votes as to my best short stories on Deviant Art for publisher review. Link here: saint-leibowitz.deviantart.com.

Thanks, and peace, tranquility, love and luck to all of you WP people and DA people here in this auspicious (I hope) New Year.

As of 4:18pm EST/USA, I am feeling incredibly alone and depressed and half out of my mind with worry - I have not heard from any of my friends and I can't find my Dad. He conducts several symphonies in several cities but he usually returns my emails or phone calls. On top of the cancer, this is scary cause my stepmom does not like me at all and would not tell me if he were sick, or even dead. What do I do?

In response to the spirituality, I'd recommend finding a good teacher of meditation. I think this is the core of any religion (ironically, the part left out by most except Buddhism) but thats not to say you need a religion. I think I recommend meditation to everyone on this site, blessed the day anyone takes the advice but nonetheless, its there for your curiousity.

I couldnt begin to understand why your father won't return any of your phone calls or anything, especially when you state he normally does. Does he have continuous access to these devices (phone, email, etc?) or does he need a library, etc. to contact you?

He has continous access - that's why I'm worried. His health is rather precarious - he is being treated for cancer, is taking thyroid hormones, is diabetic.

I know where he lives and works of course but I was always taught that I should never inturrupt his work (or annoy his employers - conducting is way high profile - lots of odd social rules) - or just show up as his new wife really dislikes me.

Meditation - any particular kind? I already write and play bass to help de-stress. But as I said it's not quite enough.

I been reading over your post and a start would be stop thinking about cancer or what might of, he might of been tired and just wanted to lay down..

He will never leave as long as someone remembers him or the story of him lives on, he will allways be there in you heart, if he was stud next to you he would not want you to be like this, he would want you to live on....



http://www.theatlantic.com/doc/200303/rauch


I have left out the rest as you might find help within looking at it this way, also if you want personality types is the best way to find out about people as it will show they weakness on why they not listening & also your own...

As every personality has a different weakness... To meditate you need to clear your mind first by relaxing and not thinking about anything except focus on counting 1 2 3 4 on your breathing in and out from your diaphragm, imagine yourself somewhere in a safe place that you feel safe in, and only concentrate on your breathing, you walk the path as everyone else has a different path, some people find it hard to reach this lvl of imagination of actually standing in the place, might need some help from tapes, incense, scent candles, you must let go of thinking or anything that is happening around you and only focus on your breathing...

A breathing meditation or a meditation where you can reflect on life. I think its great people partake in interests which takes their mind off 'such and such' but it doesn't deal with any of life's problems. They are just pushed aside for a bit.

There are books that may help. I cant remember what I have at home but it was by the author who wrote 'chicken soup for the soul' or whatever it was called. But simple breathing meditations would be the best I can recommend. They will help with anxiety/depression and other mindful "issues," so to speak