Could it be?

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Hello WP members,

I was talking to my brother the other day and he told me about this kid that he was around that reminded him of me. I asked what he meant and he said that he was shy and withdrawn as am I and then went on to tell me how the guy had been diagnosed with AS in his teenage years.

The reason I come here today is after that incident I decided to look further into AS and see what exactly it was since my knowledge on that subject was limited (I know of it and what not and have had thoughts about the possibility in the past, but any time I talked about it I was treated like I was just being stupid)

Ever since my junior high years I had begun to realize that no matter the effort and strive I put in I was unable to socially interact as the other children had. I would attempt to, but any time I tried to put my foot forward I just couldn't. My parents told me I was just "shy" and that I would grow out of it so I just kind of brushed it off and tried not to let it bother me even though it was obvious during class specifically during test or anything oral/singled out. To the point that I would sometimes go hide in the lockeroom or bathroom stall out of fear.

As I got older and into highschool one teacher noticed this and asked me a bunch of questions after school. She was the teacher that managed special students (at the time I did not know that) and told me if it persisted to come to her (of course that alone struck my anxiety and I found myself unable too even think of talking to her) after freshman year I had been labeled "the kid that doesn't really talk to anyone" and was often the butt of jokes that only made things worse. I did over time find a close group (2 people who I had known and been "friends" with almost my whole life) that accepted me and would keep people from being harsh and always talked me into staying even when I wanted to run.

I never excelled in school even when I knew the answered to test or the work because I was always afraid of being singled out for it, If we were in class and had to do problems on the board I would find myself struggling to do it because my knees would get weak and a million thoughts would rush through my head at once from anxiety of being in front of everyone. The same thing happened when it came to theatre arts (I ended up having to drop out of that class)

My junior year I was constantly in trouble for being unable to do things teachers asked requiring group efforts and socializing. I was in a "after school club" that I was forced out of when we went on a trip because I was unable to get out of the bus once I seem the 490-599 other students that I was expected to interact with on a personal level.

As I have grown older (now 21) I had a job working for one of my friends parents (they had came to me and offered me the job so I took it hoping I could pull myself out of my shell and be able to work (I had tried before, but never seemed to be able to interview well because I would get anxiety attacks and find it near impossible to breathe even thinking about going). I first started in a position that required customer service and answering the phone. I was quickly transfers after that into the lab (no interaction with anyone other than a very understanding coworker) because my boss realized how hard of a time I was having trying to interact with customers in person and on the phone both. I worked with this company for 2 years and seemed to be doing better so I decided to move to CO. Big mistake. I am finding it near impossible to get a job (my anxiety is worse than ever) it's not that I don't want to be out and about because I do. I would love to be able to just casually walk up and start talking to a stranger, but now it's to the point where I find it hard to communicate with my own parents.

I have also been over the years told things that make me question if I fit into AS because I have been told that I seem unemotional and things that should give some kind of response and small things that shouldn't bother me do (crying over a glass of spilled milk so to speak).

There is a lot I have left out as to things that make me wonder because I don't want to make a huge long post that nobody wants to read.

I have considered going and getting evaluated, but when I actually get to doing it I have anxiety attacks at the thought of speaking with someone about it (as if they were going to kill me for just being there or something irrational like that) I would like to see a specialist or someone who has experience with it, but I'm not sure how I should go about it. I have a girlfriend who is very understanding (that I probably frankly don't deserve ) and has offered to go along with me to offer any sort of comfort she can.

hiya Silkyone welcome to our cool club
you are doing well, you have a GF, that is a real accomplishment, not everybody can say the same thing about themselves.

Thank you for the welcome.

You are right it is an accomplishment in itself, but it was not easy and she worked past a lot of my issues and never gave up/is still trying to understand me and how my emotions work. I've often been told I don't realize how lucky I am too have her, but I beg to differ

Greetings and welcome to WP! There are some online tests for AS, etc. that are available and that might be a place to start, but it sounds as if you might want to gather up your courage, and maybe some moral support from your GF as well, and seek some professional advice and help. You might do some research first, in order to find someone in your area who is well versed in AS. In general though, it seems as if you are managing fairly well, in spite of your issues.

BTW, there are a lot of summer jobs available in the CO resort towns, like Estes Park, Durango, etc. if that helps you any. Good luck and I hope that you do well. It sounds like you are really fortunate to have such a great GF who supports you. Be sure to let her know how much you appreciate her!