Question for girls - lying

Post Reply New Topic

I've just gone through two defacto relationships. Very dysfunctional both.

The one thing that stands out for me is that both girls lied, almost as a standard part of the living experience.

The first girl called it "a woman's prerogative to change her mind".
The second said she forgot, or simply changed her mind.

But to me when you’re waiting for someone to arrive and they don't turn up because they forgot or changed their mind, without ringing up before hand, or an apology later for not showing. This to me is a lie.

So my question to Aspie girls, do you use "a woman's prerogative" excuse.
Do you find that you say you will do something and change your mind, as a fairly common occurrence.

I'll place no criticism for your answers.
I just want to know "changing your mind" is part of being a woman.

Oh I cannot stand that line! "A woman's prerogative." I cannot stand lying. If I say I'm going to be somewhere, I will be there whether I want to or not, unless I really can't and then I call and explain. Or text, or something, but I make sure the person knows that I won't be there. Huge pet peeve of mine... I treat people the way I would like to be treated (or at least I try)

True people should treat others with respect if they wish to treated with respect themselves.

Last edited by UDG on 08 May 2013, 4:48 pm, edited 1 time in total.

That's not lying. That's just rude and selfish behaviour.

Well, I'm not a girl, but I figure that I will chime in with my experience anyway.

In my experience, this kind of behavior is incredibly common among NT's, men and women alike. Generally, this is done for one of two reasons. The first reason is that genuinely do not feel obligated to do what they say they're going to do, let alone bother to mention to you that they aren't going to show up. Most NT's do this on a regular basis, and generally expect so from those around them, so it doesn't tend to bother them too much. Issues with commitment of any sort is a very common problem for them. The second reason is that they never truly agreed to do anything in the first place. Saying they'll show up somewhere and then not doing so without notification is usually a message saying that they didn't want to meet up with you in the first place. It's a nasty little trick designed to avoid confrontation. I can't count the number of times someone has said they "changed their mind" when they had no intention of showing in the first place. So remember, verbal agreement is not necessarily agreement.

Personally, I find both practices detestable because it shows an unwillingness to be honest when it may be uncomfortable. I'm not sure what good honesty is if we only do it when we feel comfortable telling the truth.

It is called being a flake and some NTs hate it as well.

I might change my mind about going somewhere with someone or visiting them but I would always let them know beforehand
- I'd never just not turn up as that's very disrespectful

To say it's 'a woman's perogative' is poor excuse and gives women a bad name

I will often change my mind about going out the house but that's more to do with me not liking to go out, whoever it was with; nothing to do with the other person

I am very hot on arranging times and checking on the day that things are still going ahead as I hate it when people leave you in limbo and don't turn up - people who do that sort of thing on a regular basis can't be relied on for anything in my opinion.

Same as when women say something unnecessarily rude, and then give the all-purpose female get out of jail free card "I was just teasing you".

I hate lies. I like things straightforward and up front as that is how I am and peoples' head games are intolerable. What you've described about not turning up for dates is not lying really, (unless they used a dishonest excuse) it's just bad manners and contempt of you.

I have never, ever in all my born days said "it's a woman's prerogative". I also don't change my mind. Were they NT or Aspie? Sounds very NT behaviour which is why I can't understand them.

Hope you find nicer girlfriends next time.

Agreed.

"A woman's prerogative" is a silly excuse; anyone has the choice to change their mind, male or female, but not informing the person you're supposed to see is just rude. Very rude, indeed.

There have been plenty of times in which I've made plans with someone in advance, and upon the time to act of said plans, I feel too anxious/sick/etc. and want to back out. Normally, I pull myself together and go anyway, but if I just can't manage it, I always inform the person. Sometimes, pushing our plans back an hour or two to give me time to regulate myself is all I need, but regardless, I make sure the other person is aware of what is going on.

If I say I forgot it's because I really did forget. I'm absent-minded like that.

I had an ex boyfriend who'd had this occur with his previous girlfriend

He was relieved that I was actually in when he turned up at my house to see me as she'd not been in when he had visited her
on various occasions

He said I'd restored his faith in womankind

He then proceeded to dump me just after Valentine's Day and inform me he'd been seeing someone else as he'd felt
lonely (WTF?!)

A women he'd met online and who he'd been meeting up with at a motorway service station!

Lol!

I can laugh about it now but at the time i took a pair of scissors to the teddy bear he'd bought me for Valentine's Day!

Thus demonstrating how this kind of gift can be a complete load of meaningless, sentimental BS!

This is not exclusive to women. I had a man I work with say this to me just yesterday.

There can be other reasons though.
I remember once in junior high there was to be a party held in school. I had no intention of going, because I can't stand loud music when it's not my kind of music and I don't do dancing, and I don't like parties. A, a girl in my class asked if I was going. I said no. A kept saying "oh come on, it'll be fun." I kept saying no but she wouldn't take my no for an answer so I lied to her face and said I'd go and she smiled and said 'good" and stopped bothering me.
I had no intention of going and I didn't.
The next school day (Monday) she asked me why I hadn't come. I lied and said I had gotten sick, not bothering to try to sound sincere.
Equally phony she said "oh that's too bad".
I'd known A since elementary school and she'd never been nice so I've wondered in retrospect f she was staging a "Carrie".

Thanks for the answers girls and guys.

I feel a little releaved that it is unexceptable generaly, and that the girls get upset at this too.
Thanks.