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tjr1243
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24 Apr 2012, 11:44 pm

As an Aspie, I've noticed that when talking with some NTs.....they are a bit (selectively) cold and aloof.....for no apparent reason.

It is selective, as they are bubbly and friendly around other NTs but not around me for some reason.

This could be salesclerks or people i've known longer.

I don't get this aloofness at all around people who are also on the spectrum.

I am a friendly person. I don't demand that everyone has to be friendly all the time, so my question is more out of curiosity.

For example, if someone is friendly to me, no matter what their walk of life, I see no reason not to be friendly back.

I've mused over some possible explanations, such as:

A). Asperger Syndrome, which causes a deficit in social skills, causes the pleasure neurons not to light up in other people, thus they are genuinely aloof rather than overjoyed 8O :)

B). NTs don't want to be seen as being friendly around an Aspie, as it might demote their social status

C). Aspies SCARE NTs, thus their aloofness is a flight response

D). Some other inscrutable reason

Thoughts? :D



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24 Apr 2012, 11:48 pm

Not all nonautistic people act the same like robots. 99% of people act cold or aloof for no apparant reason?

Possibly because you seem weird. But if people are going to be bothered that you seem weird than why would you want to hang out with them? Only the cool people know they are weird 8)



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24 Apr 2012, 11:52 pm

If those people are bothered by your differences, they're not worth your time. That's what I kept on telling myself in high school.


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25 Apr 2012, 12:17 am

D). Drop the NT Word & Insert the 2 correct ones.

Make it easy for you or maybe you can think about this more.

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25 Apr 2012, 1:08 am

I've often wondered the same thing. I've noticed that there's something about me that makes people (even just slightly) uncomfortable. I think maybe it's because I can't completely get rid of my "aspie stare", no matter how hard I try and learn to make the right kind of eye contact and facial expression.



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25 Apr 2012, 1:18 am

They probably think our mannerisms are weird.
Not all NTs are like this though. Some look at me weird but still try to be friendly, other ignore me, and others just treat me like anyone else.

I'm a starer (clouds/walls/objects), a stimmer, stand rigidly, talk too little or too much, don't reciprocate common greetings or there's a delay before I say them and then I fail to execute them smoothly. Can't converse without medication. So yes, I can understand why people might feel uncomfortable around me. I've felt uncomfortable around others too. Some too chatty or trying to involve you too much, or when they're in bad moods or cheerful when I'm depressed or angry.


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25 Apr 2012, 1:31 am

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25 Apr 2012, 1:42 am

I think it's because there's this sign that is only visible to NTs on my forehead that says "Issues with understanding and reciprocating social cues- make life difficult for her." And having weird mannerisms and ways of expressing myself certainly doesn't help, either.



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25 Apr 2012, 2:17 am

Because most of them think of us aspies as freaks because we are different so they feel it is socially acceptable to treat us as subhuman. Luckly there are some NTs that are cool with us most of them are outcasts just like us and sit in the catagory of punks emos nerds etc. Those are the NTs that seem to relate to me so it is all good.


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25 Apr 2012, 2:42 am

tjr1243 wrote:
As an Aspie, I've noticed that when talking with some NTs.....they are a bit (selectively) cold and aloof.....for no apparent reason.

It is selective, as they are bubbly and friendly around other NTs but not around me for some reason.

This could be salesclerks or people i've known longer.

I don't get this aloofness at all around people who are also on the spectrum.

I am a friendly person. I don't demand that everyone has to be friendly all the time, so my question is more out of curiosity.

For example, if someone is friendly to me, no matter what their walk of life, I see no reason not to be friendly back.

I've mused over some possible explanations, such as:

A). Asperger Syndrome, which causes a deficit in social skills, causes the pleasure neurons not to light up in other people, thus they are genuinely aloof rather than overjoyed 8O :)

B). NTs don't want to be seen as being friendly around an Aspie, as it might demote their social status

C). Aspies SCARE NTs, thus their aloofness is a flight response

D). Some other inscrutable reason

Thoughts? :D


As somebody able to pass in the NT world I can vouch for very common characteristic called "social climbing" where people designate themselves a specific social status based on their "socio-demographic" class.

From experience, you just have to wear k-mart or Target clothes or not shave etc to have certain people ignore you completely. In addition if you look nervous or a little odd then it sends a signal to the average NT there is something awkward about you and they decide to selectively ignore you.

This selective snobbishness is so prevalent that I almost jump out of my skin when an NT is going out of their way to be nice to me. I put it down to some type of survival mechanism. I see it on this forum sometimes with conversation.
Socialise with popular and powerful people, ignore the weak, helpless and "strange" ones.

That's why I'm pretty sure I'm an alien, I just can't believe how primitive and superficial Homo Sapiens is.



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19 Oct 2013, 3:50 pm

I can relate to all sorts of people whether they have Asperger's or not. I haven't been perceived as an "alien" or a "robot" by any of them.



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19 Oct 2013, 5:44 pm

From an NT standpoint people are like that towards us too. Some people are friendly and others or not. How they behave says more about them than you. I think it's hard to peg someone down in the matter of a transaction at the cash register. Some people are quiet, some mean, some aloof, some just miserable. Personally I don't think it has anything to do with your Aspergers. If someone is a genuinely nice person even if they noticed they wouldn't care. That's just the nature of people and if it makes you feel any better I get the same reactions. Just be confident in who you are and feel free to be who you are and do not worry too much about what others think.



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19 Oct 2013, 6:09 pm

I'm NT and I don't think I'm unfriendly. I only know 1 adult with asd (to my knowledge) - and I don't know her well but I don't think she finds me unfriendly. I think a lot of people are not overly nice tbh and even more so if someone is a bit different. I would just keep trying to meet lots of people cos there are some genuinely nice people out there. And don't waste your time on those who are unfriendly.



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19 Oct 2013, 6:22 pm

I can't help but get the feelings my neighbours think I'm a burden to them. I know I'm not normal and don't fit in so I'm sure I make my suburban normal neighbours uneasy. Doesn't matter anyway. In about two months I might be homeless so I'll just leave.



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19 Oct 2013, 6:34 pm

I've often had the opposite experience. Whenever I was around other Aspies they were disinterested or simply unwilling to let me join in, but I experienced at least some attention, kindness, and acceptance from NTs.