Secret Aspie Signals?

Post Reply New Topic

Newly enlightened aspie here. Have many questions a novice with this self-knowledge might have.

I am an old guy, mostly harmless. There is a young woman I work with who i think is aspie.

Is it ok to just ask her? "Are you aspie?"

Quite serious about this. I am not flirting or have any motive other than a tentative connection with someone who may share the suffering.

To be blunt, there is no good way of asking. Leave it alone and don't be the one that plants this seed of doubt in her. You could very well risk your good connection with her. Just be a friend to her and let her open up.

Seconded. As good as it feels sensing observance and understanding from others*, it bugs the hell out of me when someone pins down my affliction before I start talking to them. *Aspergers is what I'm diagnosed with, but its' diagnosis can't blanket a whole mind and the vast majority of social interaction on the basis of AS on its' own, for me, is draining and futile. Very few people, professionals no less, have any hope of understanding the intricacies of Autism Spectrum's repercussions.

Got it. Thanks.

got it. Thanks.

I wouldn't ask, but, here is what I would do:

Start treating her in a way that you might want to be treated. Don't go out of your way, because that might seem weird. But, just little things. Like, if there's a sensory thing you can help her avoid, or you can sense that she may be getting overwhelmed with things that other coworkers might not be overwhelmed by (lights, phone calls, noise, etc) to do little things to take the load off of her. (As in, someone is going around saying, "Oh, I wish that I could move out of this cubicle. It's just so dim! I want one that's more well-lit." you could offhandedly mention to possible-aspie-coworker that this person is looking to switch, which would give her a possibility to work in an environment with less overwhelming light.) Personally, I work in a store that requires a certain amount of customer service, which makes me nervous, and plenty of sorting/packaging/making, which I love. Little things from a co-worker who understood, that I would like, without thinking it was weird, would be if I were immersed in the more object-oriented parts of my job, say, packaging chocolates at a side counter, and customers came in, for them to say, "Oh, don't worry about it! I'll get them, and you don't have to jump away from what you're doing." It would let me keep my focus, and not feel so drained, without feeling like I wasn't doing my job. But, at the same time, I would never, never outright ask a co-worker to run interference like this for me. I'd hate to be accused of being unable to do my job. Because I CAN cope with jumping away from my more-liked tasks, dealing with customers, and then regaining my focus for what I was doing. But, I'd LOVE if I didn't have to.

Anyway, you could give little things like this a shot. Just, don't go overboard, and if this bugs her, then don't do it. But, if she is an aspie, she might appreciate it, especially if she has a hard time admitting the things that she has difficulty with. No guarantee that this will lead to any conversation about it, but, maybe it will lead to a quiet understanding between the two of you, and sometimes, especially between coworkers, that's all that you can hope for.

A coworker once asked me if I was an Aspie. I replied, "a what?". I had no idea what he was talking about at the time. I thought it might be some derogatory slang or something. I should have Googled it. Took me another 4 years or so before I finally found out what an Aspie was, this time from a doctor.

I asked a classmate once if he had aspergers, he was offended and never really spoke to me again. I'm not sure he knew what it meant tho.

OMG! That is so fg difficult. I, too, work in a store, but do IT, so mostly not in the retail area. When stressed and have to be in the store I sometimes wear a shirt on top of the uniform shirt, or pretend to be talking on my work cell phone and walk fast.

We should have an Aspie signal. I propose that our Aspie signal should be making the American Sign Language letter A with your hand while touching the thumb of that hand to the side of your temple. If they're not an Aspie, then they probably wouldn't recognize the signal so they wouldn't be offended by it. If they are an Aspie and are familiar with the signal, then they would probably alert you if they're an Aspie too.

Last edited by Mike1 on 06 Jun 2013, 6:38 pm, edited 1 time in total.

You may offend her either way. It's best to leave it unspoken.

Hmm, maybe something a little less awkward; that could look like you're bashing yourself in the head. Back in ancient Rome when Christians were persecuted and went underground (not literally), they would signal who they were by tracing half of the Greek letter alpha in the sand with a foot, basically making an innocuous arc shape. If the other person was also Christian and understood the meaning of the gesture, they'd finish the letter with an arc swipe in the other direction, and the two people knew it was safe to talk to each other. That's where the "Jesus fish" symbol comes from. Anyway, maybe we could resurrect that; alpha for Aspie

I am an officially dx'ed aspie and I would have been offended if I had been asked it I have it. I would also never tell anyone in a workplace. Avoid at all cost unless SHE wants to talk about it. It makes no difference if you are aspie yourself.

Why would you be offended, Skilpaddle? It's the truth, and there's nothing wrong in having it. If anyone came up and asked if I were an aspie, I'd congratulate them on their intuitiveness and say they were right. What's to be offended by?

The way I would open up opportunities for your co-worker to connect as an aspie, if they are, would be to talk about something I heard on the news or read in a magazine or online about a topical aspie subject and in the conversation invite them to give an opinion. Of course, it would be obvious if you open up every conversation with the latest aspie news so try to be subtle or share one aspie story every few days.

No need. There are already lots of innate Aspie signals. Learn to use them instead of inventing something nobody will understand unless they read WP.