How I'm perceived at work

Post Reply New Topic

I was just introduced to 2 new temps at my job. I was introduced with a description of 'He doesn't like people talking to him' which, while partially true, isn't outright true. I was about to blurt out 'I CANT talk to people' but thought that wouldn't sound great NOR could I actually have gotten a word in as I was cut off at 'Ah.'

I think this is popular thought in the office. Some people don't even look at me when I know they don't have any problems. This is a sign of ignoring me. Now, the thing is, I really don't care, not ALL the time. I'll look at people but as soon as they look at me I look away. I'm sure this has also contributed to any negative image I have around the office. As well, part of the reason I'm so bad at this socializing thing is that I moved to a new city, totally alone, and it took its toll on me.

Generally, I want to be a hard worker; someone to keep busy. Once I get focused, everything else around me zones out and I'm in 'zoned in' on whatever it is I'm doing. If people want to talk to me, they can, but the thing is, when I'm concentrating on work? No. As well, the social discussions that DO happen hit ME and I end them with 1-2 word responses because I'm clueless on how to carry on this group 'thought.'

Oh, as well, where I used to sit? Ya, around 90% female minus one male who had a 'female' way of relating (he got along better with females (aka a socializer)). Imagine that! Corvus was surrounded by everyone he couldn't understand. I've since moved and feel like I'm starting over again. I'm at a desk, by myself, and surrounded by people working, not talking (except on the phones to customers/clients). I used to sit beside a manager (who quit) who was down to earth/honest. She would say stuff that would bring you out of your 'shell' and make you feel more welcomed the way we know best. As well, there are more 'guys' over here who are more quiet and hard working and who I've more in common with.

I dont know how to approach this and informing people of why I act the way I do (I just read a social anxiety thread and some of the stuff applies but not all of it/it doesnt reveal my whole story). I'm thinking that, since we have reviews coming up, that I'll mention it there, maybe dub it down. The thing that sucks is that my 'first impression' was rough. It was rough because of WHERE I had to start my new 'role.' Had I started here, where I sit now, I think things would be different. I already know my stress level (in regards to always having to be socially 'on') has decreased. Another reason I was probably lower then I could have been was that my job wasnt very fulfilling. Now, even that has changed or IS changing. I dont hate coming into work, anymore, but I still look forward to going home and relaxing by myself.

Today, I went out for lunch with work people and found more to discuss. I had a few topic starters (manager quitting) lined up which was good. But, that was the end. Still, big improvement and I try everyday. Some people here seem to like me but others seem to be put 'off' by me. Reviewing myself, I dont think I'm extremely high on the spectrum (I guess official diagnosis would settle that dispute), which allows me to get by better then others here, but I'm on the spectrum enough to feel weird about all this. Maybe I need to stop worrying about all this

that's my school...people instantly think if you don't talk constantly then you don't talk at all. i'm constantly trying to think of things to say during a conversation, but when i find something interesting to say they're already two topics over from the one i was about to comment on. most of them look away from me when i look happen to look in their eyes.

When I learned about AS I was 'between jobs' and I've since moved moved to a temporary,less stressful job although that's more by accident than design.I find it helps being only a temp in the office because I don't feel under the same pressure to get involved socially,
but I still make an effort to chat to people as much
as I can.I'm now more aware of the importance that eye contact and body language can have.
The person I get on with best is a Russian girl who is also a temp.I've always empathised with foreigners
because I feel like one myself in a way !

Probably.
I certainly wouldn't worry about approaching people and attempting to explain why you act the way you do. I mean, it isn't 'normal' for people to go around explaining their behaviour. Many years ago i worked in an open plan office and have seen some ludicrous behaviour. Being quiet: 'keeping yourself to yourself', is hardly something you need to justify.

The introduction you was given seems kind of weird. I think it does contain some sort of understanding and implicit acceptance. Whilst it may or may not be true that "you don't like talking with people", if it was a problem then it would probably not be mentioned so forthrightly, unless of course the person making the introductions was also AS - lol. However, i imagine the other 2 new temps may have felt quite awkward after this.

Reminds me of some conversations i had in the workplace. The topic of 'social skills' may have been raised with me a couple of times. 'Social skills'? What are they? Can you measure them? Then they don't exist. This was just before AS was discovered.
Anyway, i am babbling. Stop worrying.

INTERESTING! My main psuedonym means OUTSIDER, because I have always felt the SAME way!

Steve

Hello,

for me it is always distressing to get any feedback from my colleagues. As far as I know, i am perceived as reserved, cold, egocentric, odd, ridiculous when trying to socialize and talk a bit... on the other hand, ppl seem to think I can be very helpful and nice. But the overall opinion is that i somehow don't fit.