Frustrated and confused Teacher

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Hi, I am new to this website and new to be 'diagnosed' with AS. I write it that way because while my therapist who works with many people on the spectrum suspects I have it, we have not pursued an official diagnosis. I have no idea why. Ironically enough, I am a special education teacher and that is what brings me to seek out support to night.

I am 37 years old and finishing my fourth year of teaching. It has been a real struggle for me. I have always had trouble fitting in to groups, but some how just keep trying and joining things. I had a troubled childhood in many ways and always attributed everything to that. However, the feedback I have been getting in the work force over the last 10 years and some comments I made to my therapist brought about the discovery that I am most likely AS. What is today's frustration?

Co-workers! I haven't the slightest idea how to get along with them. The more I try the worse it gets. It is at the point now where several people I am pretty sure straight out hate me and most are sick of me. While I don't hate them, I am also very frustrated with them as well. They make fun of me because I have trouble connecting with the students. They make fun of me because I have trouble understanding the students some times. They accuse me of not caring, not paying attention to them, etc. But that is just not true. I get depressed because while I think I am building relationships with them, I will find out that they are writing thank you cards and buying gifts for other teachers, but I get nothing. I will think that I am building relationships with teachers only to find out they are all getting together and not inviting me. This has been the story of my life!
Now that AS has entered the conversation in therapy I am beginning to understand why some of this is happening, but not all of the time can I get it. Also, it doesn't help anything get better. I am afraid that I can not keep being a teacher, but I love what I do. I feel overwhelmed often at work and it affects my memory and my focus and my concentration. This affects my ability to notice details and remember dates and meetings and all sorts of things. I first I thought it I was because I quit drinking, but it has been three years now and the more I read about AS it seems to be connected. I could say so much, but I don't even know if anyone is reading this post anymore so I'll just quit here. I am just so frustrated.

First of all, welcome to WP. I'm not the best person to speak to your post, but I would like to point out that many "WPers" (or WP posters) like to greet new members over in the "Getting to know each other" Sub-forum (right below this one, which is "General Autism Discussion".

Again, welcome to WP.

First let me say that I empathize with you. I was about your age and I taught for 5 years. I remember feeling many of the frustrations you are now feeling. I did feel alienated from my fellow teachers and didn't relate well to some students. Some teachers even prompted some of our mutual students to ask is I was ret*d. I responded with "what do you think"? It didn't matter how well my students did on their end of year standards of learning exams (which they did remarkedly well), I still felt and was treated like a misfit. As you can see, I don't presently teach.

Hi teacher, welcome to WP

Aspinator, I am also an ex teacher! I was the kind of teacher I would want my kids to have (if I had kids!)... But I could not deal with the politics within the school and resigned after dealing with homophobic abuse and being demoralised by the job and the area I taught in.

I had 75% kids having neither parent in a job and over half of our children had a family member taking class A drugs. There were also several parental suicides... Very depressing.

What most non-teachers don't realise is how close knit, nepotistic and political...and quite frankly child-like the politics within schools are. Sometimes I wondered if I was hearing of a playground spat or a staff room one!

I saw teaching assistants threatening staff and the homophobic issues I had were with a teacher who was the head teachers son, so I had nobody to get support from. My experience is similar to Aspinators. I got great results on paper but my face just didnt fit. Much happier for leaving but still a little lost with regards to my career.

My advice would be to stick with therapy. Get over your feelings of the diagnosis, and let the dust settle. I hated my job in the end... But you still love it. I left something I hated and was making me I'll with stress... Would I have left something I loved? No way. Don't focus on your job as a wa to fix your social as well as job satisfaction. You say yourself, you love your job. Focus friends somewhere else in your life. That way when one area struggles you can go to work to get away from your troubles... Or see people outside of work.

I guess I'm just saying: I've read your post. I completely empathise with your post. And if you want to chat you've already heard from two teachers (albeit ex teachers!).

If you ever did decide to leave teaching I can offer my experience that the social politics are slightly more professional in other work places... But that's just wha I've found. I found being in a classroom all day kind of lonely! I know non teachers would be bemused by that. But I think that's what you're feeling.

Welcome to Wrong Planet. My last job before retiring was as a special ed teacher. This was a very bad mistake on my part but I couldn't find a job in the other professions I'd been trained for. My heart never was in teaching, though I love and treasure education and really WANTED to be a good teacher but just didn't have the personality for it, and the stress of being around people all day was so draining! As you see from the people who have posted here, some people with AS seem to like teaching.

If I could do anything in my life differently, it would to have not gone into teaching. I had loved all my other jobs: librarian, paralegal, horse farm manager (all with much less direct contact with people, hummmm???). So that's just my experience and feelings. What I couldn't accept it that the sensitivity to human contact and the lack of social skills and other coping skills weren't going to change, I had to change my life to fit my brain! THEN I could be productive and happy. To me, there's nothing as wonderful as having a challenging, rewarding job.

I have been a teacher for 25 years now. There have been bumps along the way, but it has been a rewarding profession. I think that goes along with any job---there will always be challenges and difficulties.

I began by teaching high school English to general level students who (most) didn't want to be in the classroom. What I did was incorporate my special intense interests into the class. I used roller coasters a lot in my teaching. We could play newspaper reporters writing an article on a roller coaster for a supposed newspaper. I did a lot of stuff like that with various interests. Most of my students found that my class was fun. I connected to them through my interests and made the class seem like a fun class, but we learned what we were supposed to learn---although the students thought it was mostly fun.

Then I got moved to the gifted high school students. That was interesting and fun. What was really neat was due to the way that class was set up, the students mostly worked by themselves leaving me free time to work on what I wanted to.

Then I got moved to the middle school (due to budget cuts eliminating the gifted program) as a Title I reading teacher. I work in others' classrooms and help students as they need help. Although I am in the top ten highest paid teachers in the district, I feel more like an aid. My creativity is gone. I just move around the room while the classroom teacher gives instruction. I have found that most teachers are not creative like I was when I was an English teacher. I find that sad.

As far as dealing with employees---that can be challenging. Although my students performed well on state tests when I was an English teacher, my principals had a hard time accepting my way of teaching. I took some unfair criticism from them. And those principals came and went while I hung in there keeping student interest up in an area most did not initially want to be in.

I have always tried to treat my students as equals to me. I have not tried to make myself that grouchy and rigid stereotyped teacher one sees on television---but is actually quite prevalent in the middle school I am in now. I feel sorry for many of the students. They are only children---and not mature adults yet. I don't make it a habit to yell at students the way many do.

As you teach, try to incorporate things you find interesting and fun into your lessons. See if there are ways to make activities seem like fun and games while they are actually teaching concepts. For example, there was an area on the state proficiency test at that time dealing with giving directions on how to get from one place to another using a map. I created a game in class. I gave a volunteer student a house plan (I love house plans) and told him to come to the front of the room while the other students had to take out a sheet of paper. The goal, the students were to try to draw the house plan based on the directions the volunteer student gave to them. He said, "You enter through the front door and immediately to the left is long living room with a fireplace. When you leave that room, you go back into the hall and turn right where you come to a square dining room............." As you can see, you will get some quite differing floor plans from the students. Then we would discuss how the directions of the house might have been made to create greater accuracy for the students. Others could then volunteer to try to administer their directions for creating a house plan using a different plan I had.

The longer you teach, the more comfortable you get with it.

But if you are miserable with it, you might consider another profession. But be very sure teaching isn't for you first.

I am tired tonight, but can't get to sleep, so I am not thinking my best right now, but I did want to write something for you tonight.

Good luck.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_VlQWaighOg

This is Greg Davies, a UK comedian, in his role as headmaster in the film "Inbetweeners".

Apparently he LOVED this scene. He used to be a teacher himself.

Not a massive amount of help to your situation, I suppose, but I thought it might cheer you up

Is there not a sideways move you could make? By that I mean, become a freelance private tutor or something so that you are still in the teaching profession but have removed yourself from the awful environment that is so unsuitable for you.

Maybe there are distance learning colleges that you could get employment with? Maybe your skills are transferrable to something like a job centre or careers advisor or something loosely related to education, that would be in an environment you would fit in.

I always think, before taking any job (or even applying) be sure that you will like the environment and that it will be right for you.

There must be alternatives that will work for you, clearly where you are now, doesn't.

Welcome to WP.

Tough position to be in. I have education experience too and also left due to the staff politics and institutional attitudes.

Regarding the official diagnosis, there is usually little support available for adults with AS so all this provides is conformation. For some having an AS diagnosis recorded on their records can have negative impacts regarding health insurance and other official processes.

Do you put everything into your work? Do you have other interests outside of work?
Some with AS seem to get so wrapped up in their work that when problems emerge it can seem overwhelming and defeat the whole process. These problems affect your performance and starts the slide towards leaving or getting the sack with poor references.

I would like to suggest that you continue talking to your therapist. Maintain personal boundaries at work, just read or conduct behavioural research regarding students. Start looking for another job or something related but slightly different. Find an interest separate from work that you enjoy. Good luck, I hope you find a solution.

Just out of interest, what did you do before teaching?

Hi OP,

Wow! I could have written this post myself! I am in almost the exact same predicament you are in. I am an 8 year teacher, currently teaching in Elementary School. My previous experience has been teaching older kids, in both high school and college. Growing up, I always thought that I would be a good teacher, since I considered myself an intellectual, who has a lot of knowledge on certain subjects. In addition, I was extremely passionate about sharing my knowledge on said subjects. But after being in the profession for 8 years, cold hard reality has hit me in the face, and I realize that most education employers don't want intellectuals as much as they want affable, outgoing conversationalists. Not exactly my main strength.

Most of my previous experience has been in private schools and overseas schools, both of which I feel are much better than public schools. I have had a particularly lousy last few years in the public school system, and I am not sure if I want to continue. I just found out that I had AS earlier this year, and this has changed the way I think and feel towards my place in this profession.

I have done a lot of thinking about this, and I have come to rest on a very inconvenient idea. I may take a lot of flak for writing this, but I truly feel it in my heart: I do NOT think it is a good idea for Aspies to become teachers, at least in a public school setting as it is currently set up. Public schools these days do not allow for much diversity of thought, opinion or personality in their employers. Principals and superintendents want someone who will follow everything that the state mandates in lockstep, and without question. Employers in these systems are looking for a certain type of person, one who is creative, spontaneous, full of energy, and one who can think on his or her feet/making quick transitions. Someone who is good at multitasking. As an Aspie, I feel that these traits are very difficult to possess. Especially if you have problems with working memory and executive functioning. (as I do) If you cannot multitask, and do 25 different things at once while trying to meet 30 different student needs, it is going to be a nightmare.

You will be much better off sticking to private schools or language schools overseas, where the pace is slower, you are not asked to do seemingly impossible tasks for your working memory, the people are generally less stressed and more open, and there are less students in the classroom.

This is what I would concentrate on if I were you. I know that some people on here will try to dress it up all nice and say that you should stick with it no matter what, but I always believe in being honest. Teaching is a very difficult job for Aspies. If you find you are having this much trouble due to Asperger's, I think you really need to sit down with yourself and reflect on whether this is really something you want to continue.

There are ways of making this job work. I write things down constantly as my short-term memory is not wonderful. I have a plan of all my classes to learn names. So long as I regularly see these pupils, the names stick.

The downside is the fact I am an introvert and I have no interest in being a friend to my pupils - I'm there to teach. I'm bad at being friends with staff. It is so unnatural for me as I cannot talk about the things I am interested in, and takes up so much energy. I think people can take me or leave me. I don't *think* I'm disliked by staff or pupils, but I wouldn't know anyway! That's part of the problem.

Every day in the classroom is another on stage. It is all a performance. I love the job because usually it is very structured. I know what will happen when the bell rings first thing in the morning and so on. I know to expect the unexpected. Children can be unpredictable.

So, for me this is a job I can make work, but it has its moments, most of which revolve around me being socially disfunctional and have little to do with standing in front of a class as the roles there are clear, as are the rules. My job is to ensure the rules are followed. When the rules become vague and unwritten, i.e. in unfamiliar social situations outwith the classroom, it's like being gagged and blindfolded. I like my script. I hate the way I deal with the unscripted bits.

When I think back, and consider the kind of teachers who would get gifts or cards from the students, and the kinds of students who would write those cards/buy gifts (and then try and get the whole of the rest of the class to sign/contribute), there was one common factor.

Those teachers were trying to be popular with the kids, and the kids doing that were always the popular ones. They were neither good teachers, or good students.

Those teachers would give all the help to the popular kids, spend far too much time just chatting with them about things utterly unrelated to doing their job, and pretty much ignore giving any help to the less sociable members of their classes.

Those students got by on their popularity, good looks, and people's willingness to help them, not because of any greater academic ability.


While to a casual observer those teachers may well have had most of their students getting good grades, and might look like they were getting on well with all their students, they were actually completely neglecting a good number of their students, because they'd much rather be chatting and making friends, than giving assistance to any less popular student who might have asked for it (Been there as that student, asked for that assistance, didn't get it, failed those subjects).

Polarity, that's very interesting feedback, thanks for sharing. It'd be important for me to know if the OP can see a similar trend in the kind of students that give and the teachers that get gifts and cards in her school....