Really afraid of this coming workweek
I was having trouble persisting at work last week, and I'm worried about the same thing this coming week. I used a lot of sick and FMLA time last week, and now I'm getting close to running out of that time. I don't know what I'm going to do.
I had trouble persisting because I kept switching between a sense of restlessness (whenever I get "into" something) and sleepiness (when I'm not "into" anything), preventing me from having a stable disposition. The problem with work is that there is a lot of downtime.
I'm taking Klonopin which helps somewhat, but may cause drowsiness--that could just be the Benadryl I've also been taking, though. My therapist has given me a list of things to self-talk about, but this anxiety is persistent, and honestly I'm not sure why I feel anxious. What should I do to persist at work?
I understand what you're going through. I find it very difficult to remain consistent with my motivation; if others around me are slacking off I find little energy for my own work and wish I could slack too. I have a job where I can't slack at all, the rest of the team depends on my work to finish theirs. Anyway, it's hard to stay positive and motivated, especially when you find all of your efforts wasted by others....
So how to remain motivated? One way that sometimes works is to challenge myself; beat my times doing things, organize my work more efficiently, add more tasks to my day by helping others or even cleaning projects, whatever. Stay busy, stay working, try not to "hard switch" into lazy mode-- it is hard for us to change gears, so to speak, switch tasks, focus, priorities, etc.
Much of my day I plan out in the first hour or two and let it flow from there. Helps to keep on task, stay focused and motivated.
Yeah I think overall it sounds like a lot of head games with yourself. Wish there was a more ... hmmm, straight-forward way to do it, like some Zen state or something... just be or do work or breathe.
So how to remain motivated? One way that sometimes works is to challenge myself; beat my times doing things, organize my work more efficiently, add more tasks to my day by helping others or even cleaning projects, whatever. Stay busy, stay working, try not to "hard switch" into lazy mode-- it is hard for us to change gears, so to speak, switch tasks, focus, priorities, etc.
Much of my day I plan out in the first hour or two and let it flow from there. Helps to keep on task, stay focused and motivated.
Yeah I think overall it sounds like a lot of head games with yourself. Wish there was a more ... hmmm, straight-forward way to do it, like some Zen state or something... just be or do work or breathe.

Only thing though is that I tire easily. That makes the downtime important. Only, I can't just enjoy the downtime anymore, I either get hyper or I get sleepy.
Catch on to the times when you're alert and use them. Leave the simple tasks for when you're more tired, so you don't have to try to push through your tiredness. Usually doesn't work all that well anyway.
I've also found that getting sunlight helps with tiredness, medication-induced or otherwise. Sometimes just the sun coming through a nice big window can make you feel more alert. Coffee helps, too, but not everybody reacts well to caffeine. Oh, and don't eat a big lunch; that'll put you straight to sleep, as your body will send blood to your digestive system and not so much to your brain. Fruit can give you a bit of a sugar rush if you're feeling tired, and is better than candy because it's less likely to get you to crash afterward.
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I think I feel restless because I feel I am being closely watched by all my teammates. Every website I click, every decision I make, I get the sense I am being scrutinized by everyone here. I would feel better if I were the only one here. I get a lot of downtime here, which I use to browse the web, read up on stuff, etc. Yet I feel like I must hide what it is I read (for some reason), and I feel like there are prying eyes there watching, ready to pass negative opinions on what I read, even though it's appropriate and there's nothing wrong with it.
Now what can I do about this feeling? Maybe I should call my therapist up and leave a message? I'll do that.
I wonder if that is the sort of feeling you can learn to live with temporarily. People watching you can be quite neutral sometimes. So, the people watching you are co-workers; they don't mean any harm and they don't want to hurt you. They may be bored and curious and looking at anything that's more interesting than their work. Maybe you can deal with it by reminding yourself that it is not actually dangerous. Maybe it's activating some kind of primal thing--"OMG a sabre-toothed tiger just looked at me! Run!" But these aren't predators; they're your fellow humans and not dangerous ones at that. perhaps reminding yourself of that repeatedly would start to nudge your emotions into line.
It would probably be easier for you to work if you had privacy, but I'm guessing that's not an option. Though, have you tried getting a laptop and going into an empty conference room? That would let you do some work alone and explain it helps you concentrate. Eat lunch with the others, though. That way they don't think you are angry at them.
_________________
Reports from a Resident Alien:
http://chaoticidealism.livejournal.com
Autism Memorial:
http://autism-memorial.livejournal.com
It would probably be easier for you to work if you had privacy, but I'm guessing that's not an option. Though, have you tried getting a laptop and going into an empty conference room? That would let you do some work alone and explain it helps you concentrate. Eat lunch with the others, though. That way they don't think you are angry at them.
Maybe get a later shift, also, like in the late evenings, when there's only one other person there and I know they don't care?
I go through this every single day. I can't tell you how many times I've been tempted to take time off, but I only have like 119 hrs the last time I looked, and I'm going to need them for an appt this mth, and then my mom wants to take a trip next mth, so I'm saving them. I try not to take time off as much as I can, as I'm always afraid I'll run out.
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"Of all God's creatures, there is only one that cannot be made slave of the leash. That one is the cat. If man could be crossed with the cat it would improve the man, but it would deteriorate the cat." - Mark Twain
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