Anyone else often taken advantage of?
Ugh, every time it happens I feel for days like I just can't live with myself! I have always been walked on/taken advantage of/ripped off... in all sorts of situations. I didn't realize the full extent of it until I learned about ASD; I kind of just assumed that most people in the world sucked and that such things happened to everyone on the regular.
The terrible thing is, no matter how aware I am of this problem, I can't seem to do much about it. I have tried rehearsing situations before they happen and all that. If I am put in a situation in which someone needs a "favor", or where there is exchange of money involved, etc, one of three things always seems to happen.
a) I assume the person is being honest when they are not. I often realize this later (after much obsessive thought about the incident), but my default is to believe that people are telling the truth.
b) I realize that the situation is turning out badly for me, but I am too confused or terrified to formulate any sort of response that could, in any way or form, cause a conflict or confrontation.
c) I am totally aware of being screwed over, yet I have so much anxiety that I am willing to accept any consequence, just to put an end to this excruciating social situation.
So, is this a spectrum thing; or am I just a total doormat?
I'm feeling pretty down on myself about this, as it often has some sort of negative impact on my family. People sometimes talk down to me because they can't understand how I've let such things happen. I don't fully understand it myself. I'm wondering if I just need to accept that I can't handle these types of interactions, and just passively delegate them all to my husband? I don't want to feel like I have to be "cared for", but maybe it would be better for everyone if we all admit there are certain things I just shouldn't try to do.
Can anyone relate? Misery loves company, right. ![]()
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ASD mama; ASD four-year-old; hilariously questionable one-year old.
Your point "c" sounds like social anxiety issues, which is something that impacts many individuals, both on and off the spectrum.
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I'm still having this problem and I'm about twice your age. As a child, my younger brother used to get upset because I was, without knowing it, being taken advantage of, exploited, or walked all over. Similar problems occurred when I became an adult, with someone else usually telling me what was happening. I'm just not aware of or interested in these things, so I don't notice them.
I developed a variety of protocols to reduce my risk/exposure in social situations and deal with the uncertainty inherent in social interaction. However, these protocols failed to protect me last year and earlier this year from being exploited multiple times by the same person. As a result, I'm refining my protocols.
Points a) and b) seems to be a part of having an ASD. I agree with AgentPalpatine that c) may involve a social anxiety or GAD. I don't have that issue so can't comment on it. I do suggest finding some good books on social interactions for Aspies or working with a therapist. This is an area in which improvement seems possible.
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