Self-diagnosed and confused aspie

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I first read about Asperger's Syndrome when i was 18. When reading about AS I couldn't believe the similiarity between the symptoms and my childhood behavior. I mentioned this to my aunt who had always told me i was different from the other kids and she didn't say much. Anyway, I thought about it again when I was about 23/24 but again dismissed it since I was making an attempt at college and had surprisingly met the love of my life. Recently, about 2-3 months ago, I thought about it again. I looked online and found wrongplanet which in turn led me to other aspies. I have never met another aspie. There are several things including poor and unhealthy relationships, no sense of humor, bad body posture, dislike of certain touches, fascination with counting of numbers, letters (and certain materials and sounds), constant stimming, and then there's the issue of eye contact. I never liked it and couldn't do it hardly at all as a child. I have managed to become ok with making eye contact with people i know well but i still have a hard time with strangers. Hand shakes are hard for me most of the time but i noticed people will let go quicker and not saying anything if you have a firm yet quick grip when doing it. So i do that to get it over with. All in all I always thought i was just weird. When I told my sister that I think I have it she said, "well that would explain a lot. at least everyone won't think you were just cruel and cold-hearted before." Now I know I might be aspie and there are others out there similiar to me. I go on the 6th to see a neuropsychologist for an AS dx and I'm nervous. I have several other dx. I don't take any meds because I don't have insurance and can't afford the cost of prescriptions. My husband thinks I'm just different and I shouldn't be labeled. He knows I need to seek counseling but doesn't know what to do since we can't afford it. I'm left feeling empty. Any suggestions?

The doctor will tell you what he/she thinks, so that should help you. Bottom line is you have to decide for yourself how you feel and what you feel is the best way to deal with it. What your sister or aunt or husband thinks is their opinion, then what the doctor says is his/her opinion, ultimately you are in charge of what you do with the information and the feelings that are available to you. There are no easy answers, obviously.

Shawna,

I read your post and I can definitely relate to it. I am a self-diagnosed Aspie, but I do have solid support for it from a DR. I have two children who have been diagnosed with AS and the Dr. doing the dx for both of them said that I am as well, but being 38 it would be a waste of my time and $$ to go through a formal dx process. Growing up I also had all of the issues you described. It wasn't easy. I too was fortunate to meet the love of my life early on and she has been so supportive and understanding that I don't know what I would be without her. My first encounter with AS occurred when our son was dx with it 3 yrs ago. He is 6 yr old now and is doing quite well. He is mainstreamed in the public school system. Our older son, who is now 16 was dx last year, is also getting the help he needs. Being a teen and AS is tough combination to work with. Fortunately the Dr. he is seeing is considered one of the best in the field by national standards and doing well with both.

One thing I would like to say is that AS is not a death sentence. I personally am a sucessfull engineer, have a wonderful family, been through college (real difficult but ended up with a MS) and think that my AS sdx has made all the sense in the world as I look to my past. They say knowledge is power, which with me it has been. I have taken the opportunity to educate myself on AS, and with this additional information I have been able to work through additional roadblocks in my life with a structured plan rather than shotgunning and getting frustrated.

You will never get over being considered "just weird". It will not happen. Aspie's are that way, but when it comes right down to it, everyone is just a little bit weird or quirky, it's just that our weirdness comes out differently than those people who are considered normal.

One last thing I would like to mention though. We have found through experience that medications haven't made a difference at all in our AS (mine and my sons). What has worked is group work and social training. The meds that have been used by some Drs. for AS tend to zombie a person, but even as a zombie they still have the issues. I firmly believe the way to treat AS is the social training. It is working for us.

Good Luck! and remember...Never Give Up!