Unwanted attention in public; Ignore?

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In a nut shell, my wife and I were eating lunch yesterday in a restaurant, and we were facing each other in a booth. Behind her was the door to the bar, and the bartender (by all outward appearances) was Gay, and was focusing on me the entire time we were eating. Normally I don't notice those things, and other people have to clue me in or warn me... But this case was really obvious, and he kept it up for the better part of 50 minutes. Specifically he was juggling bottles, then a plumbing wrench, and was lifting up his sleeves, etc etc, and making dance moves while basically staring at me. I suppose if (1) I were single and (2) were not heterosexual, I'd have been flattered. But I think it's rude for anyone; Gay or straight, to pay that kind of attention to anyone who is obviously not interested and obviously with someone else. I ignored it for the whole time, but mentioned it to my wife toward the end of the meal, so she glanced around and agreed 100% that this guy was putting on a show at me. He stopped instantly when she glanced back there.

I know of other men who would have been angry, and accosted the bartender, or even threatened him with a fist if he didn't quit it. But that's not my nature, and I prefer to just avoid that stuff. So my wife suggested that I tease him back before we left, by lifting my T-shirt to wipe the lenses of my sunglasses. So without letting him know that I had ever noticed his inappropriate actions, I gave him a show of abs that he won't forget, LOL Albeit childish, I felt like I got him back, but it's also kind of weird or dirty, since I wouldn't want to draw any attention from other men in that way.

Anyone else respond like I did, or do you just ignore it, or confront?

Charles

The way you handled it showed a good nature, and a sense of humor about the situation. I don't think confrontation is a good answer on that one.

Agreed.

I haven't got a solution for you though. You have a nice attitude about it I think we can all agree, but as to how to stop that kind of stuff... I don't think you can without coming across as a bit of a douche.

Only advice I can offer is.. be jolly. Don't let it stop you from enjoying your time, if you can.

Yup, I'd say, nothing wrong with finding humor in it and continuing on with having a nice day.

Congratulations, you just experienced what many women have to put up with on a daily basis!

I think you responded well for the circumstance, but if you were sure to cross the guy again I advise you not to tease like that because his behavior would get more severe the next time. On the other hand...an eye for an eye, as I always say! he was messing with you from the start so why not mess with him until he cries. teach him a lesson.

You handled that pretty gracefully, it sounds like. I wonder if the bartender just assumed you were gay or something? Or was really hoping? I know a lot of gay people and they seem to "flirt first, ask questions later" (especially the "pretty boy" ones).

Another possibility was that the bartender was just looking to get a rise out of him.

Flirting at work? Shame on him! Yeah, it was a bit childish of him to do that, but I don't think it was particularly intrusive. If he'd badgered you for a date or "accidentally" touched you, that'd be a different story, but it looks like he was just showing off. Some people are just immature like that.

I think that was a nice way of dealing with it.

I also feel that there is often confusion that when confronting behaviour you have to be confrontational.
Another option would have been to call him over and discreetly say 'Can you stop that behaviour, it's really not appropriate or professional.' Customers at other tables do not need to be involved. This should be enough to give him a reality check.

maybe he thought the women that you were with was your friend.

Not unless they weren't wearing their wedding rings.

I couldn't agree more! It shows a significant lack of respect when someone pushes it on someone like that. It must have been very unpleasant.

I think you handled it very well, but I think it would have been okay to tell someone who can't take a hint to stop doing it.

I'm female and I would have felt intimidated and vulnerable if a man had refused to let me be. Only good thing in that situation was that as a bartender on duty I could have left without fear of him following.

What kind of bar tender needs a plumbing wrench?

Bartenders are performers. But, certainly, ignore if you don't want to enter into the performance.