relationship advice - argument

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I forget exactly why, but my wife and I got into an argument Sunday and she called me an a**hole. She apologized immediately but continued to say other nasty things to me. Finally, I had enough and told her that I was glad she had to work tomorrow. She went to bed and slammed the door. I tried to go to bed later, but she wrapped herself up in all the blankets and when I lay down, she said "___ I need more room". I slept on the couch for the first time ever.

I waited all day the next day worried that she was upset at me and could not wait for her to get home. When she did, she gave me the silent treatment. I tried about 10-15 times by asking her how her day was, telling her I love her, and everything. I gave up after I realized she wasn't going to talk to me... and instead of choosing alone time, I chose to go hang out with friends and had a good time fishing. When I got back she went to bed without saying good night.

Today I had to wait at home all day worrying that she hated me again. when she finally did get off work, she confronted me, asking me if I would rather be alone than with her. I tried to tell her that she had it all wrong and it just turned into an argument.... I almost had a meltdown and I got really tired, so I took a nap. While I was trying to take a nap, she kept coming in, turning on the light and asking me things like, "So are you just going to sleep all day or are you going to do something with me?" I kept telling her I was tired and needed to be alone, but she persisted until I lost control of myself. She finally left when I told her I had enough and threw a blanket at her.

Right now I can't think clearly. I am trying to process everything but my mind is overcrowded with anger and depression. I feel somewhat apathetic because I have tried really hard to set things right and I feel helpless.

I told her I do not want to be alone, but she kept telling me that my behavior said otherwise and insisting that I was not being truthful with her. (edited)

The tricky thing is the inadvertent message sent by going out with friends... The relationship has to come first. If it's rocky, you stay home until it's fixed.
The fight you described is how 90% of my fights with my fiance go... as irritating/frustrating as it is, you have to wait it out. Even if you're at home just playing games or whatever at-home interest you have, just be there and be available for when she's ready to talk.
I played this cat and mouse game for three days once. It was excruciating, but, if I was asked the question you were asked, I would have given the same answer (of course I wouldn't want to be alone!).

Where are you in this fight now? Still in angry "taking space" mode?

I feel like talking about what happened will only result in an argument and that the only way to get past it is to pretend nothing ever happened after a mutual apology. I think she wants to criticize my behavior and blame me for what happened and I can't sit through that.

you write nicely... could you write her a note (like, a page, max) explaining how important your relationship is to you and that you want to keep trying to do better at it. I wouldn't discuss this fight or your current feelings, but do mention that you'd like to try when you're both ready.

If I can make another recommendation... check out this BOOK. I found it rather helpful (especially in channeling my "fixing" impulse :0p)

You know, one of the hurtful things she has said to me is that I just want to have AS to justify my socially inappropriate behavior. That's why I am hesitant to buy a self-help book specifically for AS without having a diagnosis.

I will definitely try a written note to see if that produces a better result.