When people are friendly but insanely distant...

Page 1 of 2 [ 24 posts ]  Go to page 1, 2  Next

Uprising
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 9 Jan 2012
Gender: Male
Posts: 3,908

28 Jun 2013, 12:19 pm

What does this mean?

Do you trust those people?

I can never get my around of what they are thinking of me, but I can always make assumptions yet rarely or never know if they are actually accurate...

From what I've known, a lot of distant people really did turn out to be mean to me at the end of the day and that's like A LOT OF PEOPLE.

So I'm wondering, since I notice that my parents complain about distant people a lot too, like they say they feel like those people are hiding something or are keeping themselves disconnected from you...

I always seem to think of those people as types who would actually snap out like maniacs towards you whenever you say something to them that is even only slightly hurtful.

I think 9 out of 10 people in my neighbourhood tend to be like that, I also notice that they usually come over as fake and forced and avoid to use too many words.

What do you think?



Greb
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 9 May 2012
Age: 54
Gender: Male
Posts: 964
Location: Under the sea [level]

28 Jun 2013, 12:23 pm

People friendly but distant can be... just people friendly but distant. Many people are not looking for friends or similar, but they're polite and kind. How could it be a negative thing?


_________________
1 part of Asperger | 1 part of OCD | 2 parts of ADHD / APD / GT-LD / 2e
And finally, another part of secret spices :^)


Mindsigh
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 29 May 2012
Age: 59
Gender: Female
Posts: 3,272
Location: Ailleurs

28 Jun 2013, 12:24 pm

I am one of those people. If you met me IRL you would think I was a stuck-up b!tch because I won't talk to you other than nodding and saying hi. I am afraid of people in general.


_________________
"Lonely is as lonely does.
Lonely is an eyesore."


Sweetleaf
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 6 Jan 2011
Age: 36
Gender: Female
Posts: 35,278
Location: Somewhere in Colorado

28 Jun 2013, 12:27 pm

I tend to be one of the friendly yet distant people, though I am just distant till I talk to someone enough to become friendly. But yeah its hard for me to connect with people, even those I like. Doesn't mean I am going to go get an assualt rifle and shoot someone if they say something a little hurtful...I might take it a little to personally and get more upset than someone else might but that's about it.

I think one problem is many people share the attitude that if someone is distant they are either a ticking time bomb or not to be trusted.


_________________
Tis the time to melt the Ice.


TallyMan
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 30 Mar 2008
Gender: Male
Posts: 40,061

28 Jun 2013, 12:31 pm

Greb wrote:
People friendly but distant can be... just people friendly but distant. Many people are not looking for friends or similar, but they're polite and kind. How could it be a negative thing?


That is just like me. I tend to be polite and kind when people approach me, but generally don't like engaging in any conversations. I'm almost mute most of the time in real life.


_________________
I've left WP indefinitely.


Persevero
Sea Gull
Sea Gull

User avatar

Joined: 25 Mar 2013
Age: 39
Gender: Male
Posts: 245

28 Jun 2013, 12:50 pm

Mindsigh wrote:
I am one of those people. If you met me IRL you would think I was a stuck-up b!tch because I won't talk to you other than nodding and saying hi. I am afraid of people in general.


Same here, not because I'm afraid but more because I'm terrible at making conversation



pi_woman
Deinonychus
Deinonychus

User avatar

Joined: 15 May 2006
Age: 63
Gender: Female
Posts: 301
Location: In my own little world

28 Jun 2013, 1:00 pm

I usually assume these people are friendly because they feel socially obligated to be "nice" especially to someone they've just met. And distant because they don't want to be my friend (for reasons that may or may not have anything to do with me). Which is OK because I wasn't trying to be their friend, I was also just trying to avoid confrontation.



Callista
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 3 Feb 2006
Age: 43
Gender: Female
Posts: 10,775
Location: Ohio, USA

28 Jun 2013, 1:01 pm

Greb wrote:
People friendly but distant can be... just people friendly but distant. Many people are not looking for friends or similar, but they're polite and kind. How could it be a negative thing?
Agreed. I don't see a problem here. Many cultures have a requirement that if you're not actually hostile to someone you have to be friendly. But people can't make friends with everyone they meet. So you have a lot of friendly encounters with people who have no intention of starting friendships.


_________________
Reports from a Resident Alien:
http://chaoticidealism.livejournal.com

Autism Memorial:
http://autism-memorial.livejournal.com


monsterland
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 30 Dec 2009
Age: 48
Gender: Male
Posts: 837
Location: San Francisco, CA

28 Jun 2013, 1:37 pm

Many people are not comfortable with close friendship. They do not want to share their innermost thoughts, they feel that being vulnerable makes them lose authority or power. Usually such people are not above skewing the truth or playing annoying pranks, and they value appearing cool over being right.



Uprising
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 9 Jan 2012
Gender: Male
Posts: 3,908

28 Jun 2013, 1:39 pm

monsterland wrote:
Many people are not comfortable with close friendship. They do not want to share their innermost thoughts, they feel that being vulnerable makes them lose authority or power. Usually such people are not above skewing the truth or playing annoying pranks, and they value appearing cool over being right.

Perhaps they lack empathy?



apequake
Raven
Raven

User avatar

Joined: 24 Jun 2013
Age: 51
Gender: Male
Posts: 115
Location: Virginia

28 Jun 2013, 1:48 pm

I imagine that's what most people's impression of me also. I am also considered reserved and officious, but kind. I'm okay with others like me too. I'm easily overwhelmed by those that seem phony because their maybe distant really, but try to compensate with a "big personality".



puddingmouse
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 24 Apr 2010
Age: 39
Gender: Female
Posts: 8,777
Location: Cottonopolis

28 Jun 2013, 2:27 pm

I'm a strange person. I learned friendly and distant but what I really want to be is extremely candid and bare my soul. I am such a weirdo that friendly and distant is my defence mechanism and it's not fair to subject everyone to my full, unadulterated self. However, I can rarely do it because I'm often depressed or generally feeling bad - so even talking to people at all is difficult. So normally, I'm just distant and a bit sympathetic to those other suffering beings that I see floating through life.

If you mean fake nice people, who are obviously sniggering inside, then I am never, ever like that.


_________________
Zombies, zombies will tear us apart...again.


Uprising
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 9 Jan 2012
Gender: Male
Posts: 3,908

28 Jun 2013, 2:39 pm

To the people on this board who think I'm actually talking about them:

Do you realise that the people I'm actually on about in this thread are not those who are distant to everyone except their closest family and friends, but those who are to just a select amount of people like say 1 out of 10 or even 1 out of 20?

That's a whole difference in behavioral terms and mindset and it's not like you can say these people lack social skills or have problems connecting with others themselves, since most of them are pretty active on facebook with like 500 friends and are all in a relationship.



wornlight
Deinonychus
Deinonychus

Joined: 9 Sep 2010
Gender: Male
Posts: 396

28 Jun 2013, 2:57 pm

edit.



Last edited by wornlight on 30 Jun 2013, 4:58 am, edited 1 time in total.

puddingmouse
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 24 Apr 2010
Age: 39
Gender: Female
Posts: 8,777
Location: Cottonopolis

28 Jun 2013, 3:03 pm

Uprising wrote:
To the people on this board who think I'm actually talking about them:

Do you realise that the people I'm actually on about in this thread are not those who are distant to everyone except their closest family and friends, but those who are to just a select amount of people like say 1 out of 10 or even 1 out of 20?

That's a whole difference in behavioral terms and mindset and it's not like you can say these people lack social skills or have problems connecting with others themselves, since most of them are pretty active on facebook with like 500 friends and are all in a relationship.


I get what you're saying. Some people are two-faced and shallow, but I don't think it's as many as you think. Maybe it's just where you live is full of a***holes. I went to a school where a lot of people were like that. Some places just have higher concentrations of them.


_________________
Zombies, zombies will tear us apart...again.


Uprising
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 9 Jan 2012
Gender: Male
Posts: 3,908

28 Jun 2013, 3:52 pm

puddingmouse wrote:
Uprising wrote:
To the people on this board who think I'm actually talking about them:

Do you realise that the people I'm actually on about in this thread are not those who are distant to everyone except their closest family and friends, but those who are to just a select amount of people like say 1 out of 10 or even 1 out of 20?

That's a whole difference in behavioral terms and mindset and it's not like you can say these people lack social skills or have problems connecting with others themselves, since most of them are pretty active on facebook with like 500 friends and are all in a relationship.


I get what you're saying. Some people are two-faced and shallow, but I don't think it's as many as you think. Maybe it's just where you live is full of a***holes. I went to a school where a lot of people were like that. Some places just have higher concentrations of them.

Yeah because the people I'm on about, even (or especially) got hated by my parents too, and my parents are both full blown social NTs.

My parents also describe our province as "the distant province" or "the stiff province", because they own an appartment at the coast-side of the country and constantly brag about the cultural differences between the coastal province and the center province whenever they see me, but I think the difference is minor.