To diagnose or not...

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Hi, everyone. I am new to the site and searching infomation and opinions.

I am a 32 year old mother with a 4.5 year old.
All of my life, Ive felt different. Out of place all the time. For as long as i can remember, I have never felt a real connection with other people. I had friends, but even as a child and teen, i never felt i had a real friend who understood me. I never could understand them.

Being bullied all through school ( only verbally ), made me change schools and i struggled with school work as i remember forever talkng and not being able to concerntrate.
Adukt life was the same, only a few friends who I eventually loss to what i thought was just personality clashes. Only a few boyfriends. for the last 12 years i have found it extremly hard to make friends. i could never understand why to me, things seem to go well in conversations, yet id barly hear from them, and it would be months and mo.ths before having another coffee outing. But it accured to me after that id rambled the whole time, sometimes about the same subject over and over, or switching to different subjects faster than taking the next breath. I thought it would be ok, but apparently not.
I also felt bad for being bored by their conversations. Their idel chit chat about silly tv shows and who slept with who, has always been so tiring and iwould think " cant these people talk about anything real, or with substance ?" . i just pass this off as me being odd compared to others.

6 months ago i met my partner, who has Asperger, diagnosed since he was about 7. He is 11 years yonger than myself and for the first time in my life i feel connected to someone. Finally i feel like someone."gets me " i feel like i can be me and not be judged etc. I csn express myself and knowing he understands where im coming from. Sometimes we get a little anoyed as we are bith very opinionated, but the laugh it off, give a kiss and know we still love each other.

since being with him, i was astounded by our similarities. The way we feel, deal with issues, see the world and others, the way we think and understand things. and i started questioning myself about the possibility of autism or asperges inmyself. The result of an online test conducted from the autism reserch center in america (i am australian ) gave me a result of 41 out of 50. Obviously meaning a very high likelihood of being auistic /asperger. With my own reserch, discusions with my partner it seems i may indeed be so. Asperger for sure. though i am convinced i am, i feel i do not want to be professionally diagnosed due to being a parent. I love my little boy with all my heart, and i wouldnt want anything on a mental health recored that may question my ability of a parent in the eyes of others. I do have issues with my son, who shows strong sighns of asperger himself, but i feel is still to young for a diagnoses.

i just thought i tell you a bit about me, my experience and ask how you felt about being who self diagnose due to being a parent, like myself.

dont get me wrong, Im not looking to have something so i have excuses, or so i " have something ". i am seeking an explanation the life ive had, who i am, and finding ways to deal with life situations, as well as being able to talk to similar minded people.