possible aspie here. what do you think?

Post Reply New Topic

Before I start explaining my situation, I'd just like to say that I plan on seeing a psychiatrist soon, however, I'd like to hear from people who have ASD themselves.

I'm a 21 year old male and the older I seem to get the more out of place I feel in this world. I never had too many friends growing up but this wasn't really an issue until my adolescent years. Since my family moved to a different area when I was 14, I've pretty much had a non-existent social life. Finished school with pretty good grades then went to uni, but dropped out in my second year just a few months back. Anyways, enough backstory; here are my symptoms.

Voice and speech problems: I have a very monotone voice which people find hard to understand. It lacks any emotion and just sounds plain weird. I speak quite softly and kinda incoherently. I often have to make a conscious effort to voice my words clearly and louder for people to understand me.

I find it physically hard to talk. If I talk too fast I'll often slur words together or mispronounce a word. As I'm talking, I tend to forget what word to put next and end up substituting that word with another that doesn't really fit. Or I'll just stall. I struggle to talk with any kind of flow which makes it hard for me to tell stories (like what I did last night, how I did it, etc). I ussually just limit myself to short responses because of this.

Socialising: I suck at small talk. What I say in my head comes out completely different once I actually say it.
Once I get to know someone better I find it easier to talk to them but I usually run out of things to say and don't know how to respond to what someone else says. it's always annoying when someone catches me off guard by starting the conversation first. I kinda get flustered and struggle to string together a couple of sentences or describe something. I ussually avoid social situations and experience mild anxiety. I find it easier to talk to doctors, family members, because I know the don't judge me and there's no pressure. Telephone conversations aren't that bad either because I don't see the person I'm talking with.

Concentration: This one is probably the worst. It's the reason I dropped out of uni. I can't seem to force myself to do anything that requires me to mentally grind something out. I cope with doing small things like easy homework assignments but I find it so hard to force myself to read 20 pages out of a textbook or write an essay. I just procrastinate constantly and when I do finally start doing it my mind just wanders a lot. I just can't see the big picture and struggle with reading any kind of academic books. I feel really bad about myself when I don't do these things and because of these I feel a constant pressure on my mind which limits me from enjoying life. It get's worse when everything piles up at the end.

Other stuff: I talk to myself constantly. Not out loud but inside my head. While doing this I rehearse certain social situations (ones that happened, will happen or fictional ones), discuss my hobbies with myself or just mull over life. It helps keep my sane I guess. I seem to have no ambition in life. Nothing really interests me apart from useless things like video games, watching sports, etc. I really want to gain an education, get a good job and live independently but I can't seem to force myself to go through the hard and annoying first step that is university/college.

Symptoms that I don't show The reason I doubt whether I have AS is because I don't show a significant portion of the symptoms.

I have no problem at reading others emotions, body language and whatnot. I understand jokes and sarcasm most of the time. I experience basic empathy.

I don't have any sensory issues. I'm not sensitive to bright lights, loud noises or certain textures. I started talking/walking quite fast. My mom never noticed anything abnormal about me as a child.


Anyways, if you don't mind reading all that I'd appreciate some feedback on what you think might be wrong with me. Is AS likely or does the lack of symptoms rule it out?
Thanks.

Some of the basic things you're describing could be attributed to a learning disability. How are your academics and your body movement?

Hi. Welcome to Wrong Planet. A few questions.

1. Do you have a special interest that you focus on so much that you forget to do other things?
2. Do you hate changes (like in your daily schedule, etc)?
3. Do you partake of the current fashions?
4. Do you make eye contact with strangers?
5. Are you prone to saying the wrong things in conversations?
6. Is it hard for you to make or keep friends?
7. Do you understand subtle non-verbal hints, like what you're saying may be boring?
8. Do you continue with conversations that no one is interested in so they have to tell you to be quiet?
9. Do you like to make lists or arrange items in neat rows?
10. Are you fascinated by the sound of running water or spinning lights?
11. Do you stim by fiddling with your hair, rocking back and forth, etc?

I didn't have any problems with grade school and was always one the smarter students in class. No problem with body movements either.

If you are in the U.S., you would no longer be diagnosed with Asperger's Disorder. You would receive a diagnosis of ASD (level 1, 2, or 3). Outside of the U.S., "Asperger's Syndrome" is still being used in the ICD-10. However, it appears as though the ICD-11 (which will be the common system outside of the U.S.) will eliminate Asperger's Syndrome in 2015:

ICD-11 Diagnosis (Beta)

You say you're going to an psychiatrist, so they would be the best one to talk to you about all this.
My gut feeling is that you have very mild symptoms, and that although you may indeed be on the spectrum, the fact you don't complain of the symptoms causing you great difficulty in your daily life means you either may not be diagnosed with ASD, the psychiatrist may not see the benefit of a diagnosis in your case, or you may have some similar and related condition.

Those of us like myself that are someone older grew up in a world where if you were different or had mild difficulty learning or relating to others, but not so bad that you were deemed "ret*d" you pretty much just sat on the sidelines, and as you weren't seen as needing help or were just seen as "average" nothing was done for you.
There are generations of us who in modern times would have been picked up, diagnosed and treated, but in our day "slipped through the cracks".

When I was at school the teacher would teach to the class, and ignore individuals unless they were gifted or disruptive; since I was neither I did not flourish, and got very bored with school.
My grades should have been a give away, as they slipped consistently, though I was otherwise bright and capable of insightful comments and discussion that took teachers by surprise.

What I'm saying is, you're young, you've had opportunities I and others have missed, and you have had any deficits in your learning addressed or reduced, otherwise you would not have finished school, much less managed 2 years of tertiary study.
Be grateful for what you have and what you have achieved, but from your posts and your self description, I doubt a diagnosis would be beneficial, as you don't seem to have had anything like the struggle myself and others on WP have faced.
In that circumstance, the stigma of a diagnosis may actually be worse than the sense of just being a bit different.
I'd recommend you discuss all this with your psychiatrist before seeking a diagnosis; you need to be aware that the psychological impact of a diagnosis can in some instances be worse than the condition itself, and the psychiatrist needs to make the judgement call, and be sure you are aware of the long term consequences.
It's not a genie you can put back in the bottle if you don't want it, and if I were you I'd probably just let it go, but it's certainly your call.

If you've lived as long as you have and have done what you've done do you really see the need to have a label the rest of your life, and the inner conflict of whether or not to disclose?