You'll find me by the drinks at parties

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Nick22
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09 Jul 2013, 4:37 pm

It suddenly occurred to me tonight...the reason why I need a couple or more glasses of wine before I socialize. When I was younger...teenage parties...lots of people getting into conversations and stuff way out of'my league (or at least I was shy enough to think so at the time). So I'd go into the kitchen, fill up on a bottle hanging about, there'd normally be some drunk or disillusioned people there and it seemed more real to me - more transactional, people stepping back a bit, and I'd feel that I fitted in more than where the dancing and laughing was going down. Trouble is, I can't help feeling it's left me with a one track way of dealing with social situations. Anyone else feel the same way?



benh72
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09 Jul 2013, 5:11 pm

Yep.
That's why I simply don't go to parties; that and at my age the invitations aren't flying in.
When I do go to parties, it's always with my wife, and I have the excuse of having to drive home, so I don't stay long and don't drink.
If I didn't have these responsibilities I would likely be sucked into staying around and would get drunk and make a nuisance of myself.
I can't make your decisions for you, but I can recommend you have a drink of water as at least every second or third drink; this will keep you hydrated, and will be annoying enough to you having to pee all the time that you'll be disinclined to overdo it.

By all means hang round the kitchen and talk to people you feel comfortable with, but don't allow the alcohol to control you; it's not like as if each party is the only chance you get to drink and you need to do it before it becomes illegal, enjoy and savour rather than down booze and get messed up.
If that's too hard, rationalise and only go to a few parties.
The other option is to really talk to those other people; you may find they are over the whole scene and you may find you can develop enduring friendships with those people outside of the party environment.

Regardless, if you go with the flow and don't obsess you may find the whole thing is a transitional part of your life, and 10 - 15 years or more from now you won't even remember why you felt how you do now!
That's been the case with me!



auntblabby
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09 Jul 2013, 6:38 pm

i'm almost never invited to parties.



Sanduru
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10 Jul 2013, 7:33 am

I never needed drinks to socialize because I don't try hard socializing or trying to fit in.

But indeed, drinks help me have more fun because it's an excuse. When I drink I feel more free because people would see me drink. But no matter how much I drink, I don't feel different, just a little dizzy as I can't have a lot of balance.

But I feel I'm not judged if people see me drink. I feel more like normal people, though I still don't talk too much I dance without control and say things I wouldn't say if people wouldn't know I drank.



Triple__B
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10 Jul 2013, 9:18 am

I had been using alcohol since I was 12 for a social crutch. I finnally quit drinking last year 22 years later, and have not looked back. Now I have a huge problem though of not being able to socialize at all without drinking. In result, I have 0 friends and parties always become awkward unless there is a rigid routine of events planned. Usually my wife attends the parties and I stay home by myself, which I prefer anyway.


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Sanduru
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10 Jul 2013, 10:12 am

I believe that if you prefer staying home maybe you could be pushing yourself too hard...?

As I know I prefer being by myself I have a hard time trying to know why people try harder and harder on things they dislike...

Maybe I'm just wrong?

And sorry if I said something inappropiate...



vanhalenkurtz
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10 Jul 2013, 8:44 pm

Drinking is a door that's easy to open from the outside & difficult to open from the inside.


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auntblabby
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10 Jul 2013, 8:57 pm

vanhalenkurtz wrote:
Drinking is a door that's easy to open from the outside & difficult to open from the inside.

for me it was the opposite.



NEtikiman
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11 Jul 2013, 6:09 am

I used to smoke cigarettes, so that was always my social crutch at parties/gatherings, so I can relate to this. I'd hang out with the other smokers (who were often a little off-beat themselves) and "smoker code" (as I termed it) obligated smokers to talk to each other. It also gave me a break from the loudness of whatever was happening inside.
Although I am glad I quit, I now end up going to the bathroom a lot at gatherings (no more parties for me... :0p)... not a lot of socializing, but it's a good break.


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