Reactions when telling people you have Aspergers

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What have been the reactions when telling someone you have aspergers? What are your expectations when telling someone that you have aspergers?

I bring this up because I told a few people that i have aspergers and their response was so boring. All they said was "oh ok". I would then say "do you know what aspergers is?". They'd go "yup" and then we are on to a new discussion. Their reactions were as if I just told them that I like ice cream. My expectations is they'd be interested in how it effects me and how they can interact with me better to make me more comfortable. At least ask something. Ever since I told these few people, they haven't changed how they interact with me and treat me the same (which is great in a way) but I told them I have it because sometimes they give me a hard time when I do things that are part of my aspergers. Some of these people are long time friends and I thought they'd care more and want to inform themselves about it...

Am I being too harsh or is my reaction understandable?

The only people I have told are my family and the few people I consider friends. The reponse I got from them was "ok", but mostly I think because to them I am just me. It doesn't change who I am to them. I however refuse to share this information with anyone else, as it's none of their buisness.

Well I think you expect too much.

I told my exboyfriend who is sort of my best friend but kinda ended our friendship (But it's fixable) recently and he said nothing.... then he sent me a message that said he wasn't ignoring me.... then never responded-but he's having a mental breakdown right now (He's bipolar) so I understand. I'll tell him again some other time when he's a bit less depressed.

I told my bff and she said "Oh really? My friend *Insert name here* has that." We don't really see each other too often anymore but we are trying to fix that with sleepovers and going to the movie theaters and stuff.

So again I think you expected too much.

You seem to want it to change something, for them to have some interest, maybe to ask questions that give you an excuse to talk about how you feel.

That's what a therapist is for, or a really good friend. Someone who actually gives a crap will talk about how they feel, and then that makes it OK for you to have a turn.

Don't expect people to be interested or curious.

Though, frankly, I think you are pretty lucky. After all the times I've been told I'm lying, making excuses, have to be wrong because I look so normal-- I'd be thrilled with, "OK. So?"

After all the times I've been told I must be sociopath, must be non-functional, must be subhuman-- I'm pretty happy with being told I must be mistaken.

I can dig your frustration, but-- Oh, it could be sooooooo much worse. You will find it will get soooooo much worse if you don't stop with the gratuitous disclosure.

The people I told were family and close friends by the way. My sister actually said to me "knowing that info wont make you less annoying. You've annoyed me so much over the years that it can't be reversed now". Hah, ok. Then my close friends just said oh ok. It's never been brought up again by anyone I've told. If someone told me they had cancer or diabetes or bipolar (doesn't matter what it is), I'd probably look it up and educate myself on it. But that's just me I guess.

i hate to say it but some people are so inattentive and self-centered their better sensibilities are reserved for their own issues. in short, if it isn't about them, then its peripheral, inconsequential. when i told my aunt i was sexually assulted, her response was an unreactive "mm-hmm" and she continued talking about herself, her new house, her job... that's a more extreme example but it highlights the fact that some people (not all, of course, but some, a subset) are too steeped in their own myopia to really connect with experiences apart from their own. it's interesting... the people i know who struggle the most with empathy and perspective-taking are nowhere near the spectrum. which suggests its a larger, human phenomenon neither unique to autism nor apart from the whole.

alternately: it may be that people are trying not to "make a big deal" out of your confession by making it a "non-issue". some people think they're making you feel more comfortable by treating major admissions the same way they would routine news. then there are the many, many people who simply don't know what to say so they respond in monosyllables. 

i haven't told very many people beyond a couple of family members and the people who help me get and keep the services i need. the people that i have told beyond that have had variable reactions.

my friends didn't believe me. they insist nothing is wrong with me (i'm just eccentric or unconventional). it's because i have mastered acting normal i guess. some were concerned i was 'labelling' myself and in truth i'm sometimes glad i didn't find out sooner. it may have stopped me from feeling as tho i could do a lot of things. then i told my mother (we aren't close in part because she has told me i am so weird for years) and i knew right away she believed me so that was some validation, since i haven't been diagnosed

Even though my sister didn't say those words, I could so her them comming out of her mouth. Of course my sister hasn't talked to me 10 years, not since I told her that I didn't need to hear her opinions on who am I and on my life.

Reactions:
"It was easy to say"
"I knew you had some sort of stuff like that"
"I alredy knew it"
"So that's what it is"
and similar.

I do not expect anything from people.
Very few people IRL know I have AS, some of them asked me questions about that when I told them I have it, others asked nothing.
It's actually annoying when people ask me too much stuff about AS; it's not a topic I am interested in, and I get easily bored when people ask me questions about it. I'd rather talk about things I'm interested in.
It's just fine if people don't ask me questions about it.
People I told about my AS never treated me differently after knowing I have it, I guess because, as they told me, thay had alredy guessed it.

The few people I've told I have Asperger's look at me puzzled. Yep. I live amongst folks who've never heard of it. By default I just tell people I have autism. Naturally, they don't believe it because they say I don't look or act like Rain Man.

This^


Most people either have no idea what it is, or they've read some outrageous stereotype online and think everybody who has AS is a violent psychopath, or they just laugh at the name, like Ted Danson did on an episode of Becker (which is where I first heard the name). That's why I have discarded the American pronunciation "ass-burgerz" for the more accurate Oz-Pair-Gur, which is how Hans Asperger is said to have pronounced his own name.

When I was first diagnosed, well into adulthood, and happily told people I had known and worked with over the years, many seemed mildly skeptical, as though they thought I was just faking a disability. Oddly, several of those same people had interrupted me in the middle of conversation over the years to ask "Can't you stop that rocking and swaying? What are you, Autistic?"

But most people still think "Autistic" = "Mentally ret*d" and paradoxically, they also seem to think its a childhood ailment that kids magically grow out of as they get older. I am living proof that it doesn't go away after adolescence.

Not telling people does nothing for awareness. What I do is bring up autism and then explain about the spectrum, etc followed by my own admission of Aspergers. This way, they have an idea about what it is and I can gauge their reaction before disclosure.

Fu°k it! Tell the world. Those that can't accept it are not worthy of your presence. In doing this I have discovered several other undiagnosed adults, and I ask them to join me on my mission. The mission to uncover all the undiagnosed auties.

I really love your response. I also think we should be telling people to bring awareness. I just learned what Aspergers was THIS YEAR and I'm 23! I went to a therapeutic day school in High School and to countless psychologists/psychiatrists and never was Aspergers brought to my attention. I stumbled upon a youtube video about aspergers and it was like someone was doing a video about myself. Amazing feeling to connect the dots! One of the happiest moments in my life actually. If I can give someone that beautiful moment too, I'll be happy.

all the people I have told have said they already knew, apparently my mom likes to tell people about me. Im not sure how to feel about it.

Soccer22

Think about when you get a new car or new anything;
At first you are very excited.
The initial excitement makes you want to share it as a way to keep "the high" going through others shared excitement.
This falters because of unrealistic expectations that the rush could maintain when the peak had already hit.

There is nothing wrong with any of this; we just have to live in that initial rush, and then figure out how to get it again.

Back to the new car:

Scenario 1:
You tell a friend who is like "oh cool, must be nice" or "oh, my car's paid off" or whatever negative diatribe suits you. The positive vibe does not maintain, quite the opposite; it almost ruins it.

Scenario 2:
You tell a friend about a new car and follow it up with "want to drive it?"
Now your excitement is shared and rushing again.

The "car" is you finding out about Aspergers and them driving the car is you making a connection.

What I realized quickly is that even the people I thought I may have a connection with did not see it that way. For me a person being in the same room is all that I need; turns out that "they" need more than that.

The connection for me is when I actually find another suspect autie, and when they are in that holy shi+ wtf moment of " I'm autistic?! " I suck that feeling into me as much as possible, but it only does so much.

Now, people are my research. Live research. I love research. If I help them realize they are autistic, great; if not, I learn a lot about them based on their answers. I do ask each autistic to try and find someone who is " lost " and help them to find their way.

Basically, find another way to get that excitement. In my experience so far, there are a lot of us out there. Then again I work in IT, so my career field may just be heavily populated.

Best of luck in all you do. Be you! Rid your mind of can't!

I don't go out of my way to tell people that I have Aspergers, mostly because of my mom's tendency to make a presentation out of it at every opportunity. I appreciate her intentions now, but back then, I got frustrated feeling like she was constantly throwing a spotlight on me when it wasn't totally necessary. Hearing the same speech about "how far I've come" over and over again at parent/teacher conferences wore down on me really fast.
There was also the one excruciating instance in elementary school where I had a meltdown at the end of recess and ended up physically hurting one of my best friends, and the staff were obligated to "explain" my behavior to the rest of the student body. The blame was entirely assigned to my having Aspergers despite the fact that the meltdown was more than likely stress-related due to my mom housing/dating a drug dealer at the time.

Admittedly, there are times when I wish there were more "natural" venues for me to divulge this information to people I know. It feels awkward shoehorning it into smalltalk, though I can't help but wonder if actually having people around me in the know would help them understand me better and maybe get me a more fruitful social life.