Change and Adaptation

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I have been living with my friend's family for the past year. As much as I cannot stand it at times, I have come to accept it as home. Over the past few months, there has been a lot of renovation and commotion going on, coupled with talk of moving. My friend's father is getting remarried in August and plans to buy a new house to combine the two families. He put the house on the market a week and a half ago. Every day since then, I have had to be in "on call" status regarding when people will be coming to view the house, sometimes with as little as fifteen minutes notice, or none at all. Prior to their arrival, I am expected to vacate until they leave, with no set viewing time. There have been up to four showings a day at times.

The thought of strangers entering my room when I am not allowed to be in there gives me exorbitant amounts of anxiety. I live in a very small town with little to do, so I typically end up pacing in the park half a mile away, all the while being mocked by people as they drive by. It has been a terrible experience. At one point, I got a bloody nose and couldn't return to the house to take care of it. When I can finally come back, I have to check with my mental images of how my room was prior to leaving (I will intentionally place things in certain positions to see if they've been moved) and check on my cat to make sure he isn't too stressed out.

Well, an offer has been accepted as of last night. We have to move out by August 31st, if all goes as planned. I am beyond panicked. Even though I'm no stranger to moving (this will be my 17th move,) I still feel completely out of control. I don't know where I am going to go, who I will be living with, if I can afford to move (I'm on SSI but its not enough to live alone, and I don't think I could handle that anyway,) but even more so...

I don't know how I'm going to adapt to my new environment.

When I start thinking about living in a new city, I become completely overwhelmed by the staggering realizations it brings; packing all of my things, unpacking them, I'll have to learn a new grocery store, plot out new walking paths, learn new bus routes, acclimate to new (and likely more) people, etc. All of my stuff will need to be reconfigured in a new room. Then there's the matter of mental mapping my apartment, building, block, neighborhood... it can be too much at times.

Every time I've had to move, the transition has been a disaster. It feels like I shift from high-functioning to pretty much non-functioning. I am often non-verbal, severely hypersensitive, depressed, anxious.. you name it. When I moved here a year ago, I put my bed in the corner of the quietest room I could find and hardly left it for two months. I hardly ate, slept all day, and would have meltdowns over practically anything that disturbed me. People don't want to be around me, and I want nothing to do with them.

Does anyone have effective ways to cope with adapting to a new environment? I really want to avoid becoming non-functional if I can help it. I'm sorry if I've rambled way too much. I have a tendency to sign in to WP and text-wall when I'm stressed out.

Believe me: you're not the only one who hates moving. I hate it with a passion. It depresses to no end. I'm not sure how many times I've moved in the past, probably over 20, but it's been aggravating, to say the least.

I have the worst coping strategies possible. I know a lot of people relax by drinking chai tea, conversing with friends, taking long naps or long walks in a park, etc. I drink like a fish, which is no good.

I guess I'm just writing to let you know I feel your pain and I wish there was more I could say to help.

I'm sorry you are in that situation and I can sympathize with you because I am in a similar situation and I know it is very stressful when you are up against overwhelming change and uncertainty and possibly not even have a clear idea of what you should do or what steps to take.
If it is possible you should get someone to help you and give you guidance with this so you don't feel so alone an unsure about the move.
Once you find a place to stay you may find that some of the anxiety over the uncertainty has been lifted and you may be better able to adjust to the change. Just take one step at a time and try to focus on the next step and realize that things will work out.

I really feel sorry for you. I cannot imagine having to move. I know everything about the area I live in down to the minutest detail. I have a daily routine I am comfortable dealing with. No need for upheavals or sudden dramatic change. Just too much stress in that one.

Hello
I can share the other side of this situation. My Aspie son is 19 his PDD brother is 16 and my husband and I bought a larger place so each child would have their "own" room. The aspie is a neat and the PDD guy is not. They fought a lot, And I could have bought a larger place at any time but I didn't because I knew that would lead to a lot of isolation. Isolation is more harming than brothers bickering, at least they were interacting and displaying some degree of tolerance. Neither child wanted to move and the youngest flat out refused. We have never moved before and it was the only place they ever lived. Each child talked a lot in terms of "I don't" and I saw that neither had any sense of what my husband and I went through to get this larger place and that we spent 15 thousand just to get in the door, we stayed in the same building and the boys know the staff and neighbors, we tried very hard to keep things the same, but slightly different. When the boys claimed their new rooms, I made it clear that these were "my" rooms and I was letting them use it. I pay the water, I pay the electric and anything they had was because I gave it to them. This became a lesson in how I was displaying very appropriate social skills and they were not, they didn't appreciate that we thought of their need for privacy and made that a priority. They didn't appreciate the furniture, how I hired electricians so each child could have tons of wifi and large tvs. As difficult as it was, especially for my youngest, I made them pack and I made them paint. They complained about the smell and anxiety and I even paid extra rent for the old place because it took my sons so long to complete the tasks. I didn't do it to be mean, but instead they needed to feel the work, experience the task and gain the skill. I could have done it myself or hired faster people. That would have made me a bad parent, my job is to give them independent living skills. Painting could be a side job, helping to move can be a job. It's my job to remind them that they do a lot of taking but not a lot of giving, that's a social skill too- to give back.
I have made it my mission, since they were diagnosed ages ago, that their anxiety was not going to rule me or rule them. Everything they were anxious about never came true, and I remind them of that all the time. And by the third day of painting, no one talked about the smell anymore and no one get contaminated or diseased, no one thought it was coffee and drank it, they just painted.
If this family is taking you with them you should show your appreciation because they are giving you a gift of a roof over your head. All your fears can be put to rest if you ask questions, even if you have to put it in writing.
Roni

I'm sorry I don't have any advice to offer you, I just wanted to say I can relate.

I have a hard time keeping things together in my head and life when nothing changes....so change is always extremely difficult and horrifically upsetting and overwhelming. Moving is one of the worst things.