If no diagnosis.. then what?

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I have done my assessment and am now waiting to get the results. I decided to try and get an assessment because I have various problems in my life and I recognized many of my personality traits in Asperger's syndrome. I thought that if I get the diagnosis maybe I will feel better about myself because there is a reason why I mess up so much, and maybe I could even have some help or advice, especially with keeping jobs!

I think I did not come across very autistic during the tests though. I don't think I will have enough symptoms and I do wonder what will happen if I do not get this diagnosis. Then I will have to accept that I am indeed just unmotivated and lazy and immature and selfish, and then what?

Any type of diagnosis shouldn't be excuse for being lazy or whatever, if u don't get it, well then your condition, atleast, may not be longlasting or may have smaller reppercussions... you can always go on therapy/counseling for your problems no matter which spectrum you belong to, ASD, NT's(who have a lots of problems too) social anxiety/hobia, you may have social communication/pragmatic disorder, so if you need assessment then get it... if you're going to stay lazy or whever you think is your problem it ain't gonna change your laziness or your lifestyle...AS is not excuse, AS is our brain functioning, and neuroplasticity counts for us too.

My take on this: even if you're not diagnosed with an ASD, you still know that you have various problems that are much like or identical to those that people on the autistic spectrum face. If you don't need disability payments etc, take the fact that you have a number of traits, and work from there.

This board has so many tips and strategies for all kinds of problems people all over the spectrum face. You'll still find a sympathetic ear hear, and what's more, you'll find a huge amount of information on how to deal with every-day life ... maybe just try to make use of that?

Just because you're 'not autistic enough' for a diagnosis doesn't mean your problems aren't real -- it just means that an AS diagnosis isn't the right thing to get you the help you need.

Hang in there. AS diagnosis, none, or other, you'll always have this board for information and as a safe space to vent and ask questions.

The diagnosis is only good for getting benefits.

Because an "expert" doesn't think you have Autism doesn't mean you don't have it...especially if you are very HFA. That's the double-edged sword of autism. The more obvious you are autistic, the more it impairs your life. The less obvious, the harder it is to be recognized as autistic and you might miss out on help that would benefit you.

Having a diagnosis or not having it doesn't change things that much IMO.
I was diagnosed as a child and have had therapy sessions, and I learned almost nothing from therapy. It was almost completely useless for me, because it's very hard for me to learn what someone else is trying to teach me if it's about acting in a different way and changing my behaviour. Unlike what most people think, therapy is not always effective, and not for everyone, expecially for a peron that is used to acting on instinct and is unable to change her behaviour like me.

If you really have autism as you think, you'll be autistic, with or without a diagnosis. If you're not autistic, you won't be autistic, with or without a diagnosis.

Having Asperger's doesn't necessarily mean not being unmotivated, or lazy, or immature, or selfish.

I can tell you because I have been diagnosed with Asperger's and I do am unmotivated, lazy, immature and selfish.

My diagnosis gave me a sense of closure. I now have a name for my quirks, odd behaviours and communication issues and I don't have to beat myself up about these things.

I am comfortably self-diagnosed, in large part because I can't readily afford a diagnosis process. And also, I've had some lousy experiences with so-called mental health professionals.

What Asperger's-Autism Spectrum gives to me is a kind of conceptual whole that explains both some of my strengths and some of my deficiencies.

PS And I like the above comment that neuroplasticity counts for us, too.

I summarize the Autism Spectrum as some of all of the following five traits:

1) sensory issues
It's like our senses are turned up high in some areas. This has both pluses and minuses, more on the minus side in many school and work settings.

2) patchy social skills
Good in some areas, not so good in others, and because of this other people can be standoffish. This can also be described as clumsy social skills.

3) intense interests
Including in areas that have nothing directly to do with other people.

4) stimming
This can be done for the same reason as other people get into kayaking or art, as a way to lose oneself and intensely get into an activity. And on the more utilitarian side, stimming can help deal with sensory issues and help maintain concentration.
And quote-unquote 'normal' people stim, too. For example when a person fiddles with a pen while talking on the phone, that's stimming. Just more low-key and socially acceptable.

5) (and maybe) meltdowns.
Which for me are flashes of anger as I remember a past injustice or imagine revenge. It's not fun. It's not positive. It's like the past event is more real than my immediate surroundings. And I might rapidly rub my head because of the tension.

Untrue.

As I've told my own therapist and doctor...

I NEED TO KNOW.

I need a name to call this by. This THING that I can so clearly see makes me different from other people and seems to have always been there, messing with my ability to communicate and make connections with others the way they obviously do with each other. Even the few people I consider friends- I know my relationship with them isn't the same as theirs with others.

It's like there's a secret handshake or something that everyone knows but me.

There's something different, there always has been, and it's like I can see that whatever's NOT there is JUST beyond my grasp. I can see it's there, but can't get a clear glimpse of it.

Whatever it is that puts that "secret handshake" beyond my reach...

I WANT A NAME FOR IT.

There are no benefits that could help me, nor any that I'd need.

That's not the point.

I want to know for sure what this is called.

I need to know.

That is true, but there are also access to services, gaining financial aid should bring. These services can be anything based around your need's, access to Occupational Therapy, Neurology, access to other diagnosis testing like dyslexia and medication required and so on.

Diagnosis for me brought a sense knowing myself better. I didn't go to therapy to gain an autistic diagnosis, it was put onto me by a psych, which now makes a lot of sense in many ways, I'm also diagnosed chronic anxiety and depression and encouraged to seek out benefit to pursue dyslexia/dyspraxia diagnosis, investigate fatigue/strength problems as well as frequent migraines and everything else related. From it I'm registered disabled and have severely limited capability to work, despite my degree.

When a specialist says that you don't have it, its likely that you don't, but getting a second opinion could get a more accurate picture. By all means, if more doctors cant diagnose with the autistic spectrum or anything wrong, I'd say I would drop perusing the diagnosis and accept just being normal or that little bit eccentric.

For me, it's all free under the NHS, but there's perhaps varying financial incentives, insurances, grants... anything else and such. Do a lot of research.

This is credited. My pdoc says that Bipolar II in the depressive state can often approximate high-functioning Asperger's (so isolation and social difficulties and depression but without some of the actual social cues impairments of Asperger's). He thinks it's true for me. OP, maybe you have something else that looks like Asperger's. Asperger's is way overdiagnosed nowadays because it's fashionable to do so. In reality, though, some of the symptoms used as evidence of ASD are common to a lot of different conditions.

But you're also female, and gender bias can play a role in not being diagnosed properly with Asperger's even if you have it. Something to consider.

^^^
OP, as Tyrion said, it's possible you have some other condition or disorder. ( Of course it's also possible that you have an ASD and yes, ASD is more often missed in females than males.) If you do have a different disorder then that should be just as much of a legitimate explanation/excuse for your difficulties in life. Yes, it is an excuse. It's an excuse for not being able to read facial expressions and that leading to social misunderstandings, for example. It's a good excuse but so are other psychiatric and neurological disorders. Other conditions can be as severe and as impairing as ASD. ASD is not special, it is a disorder and a disability like any other. My hope for you is that you are diagnosed with the right condition so that you can receive the appropriate help. Good luck, OP.

It wouldn't be an "excuse".

It'd be a "reason".

BIG difference between those two things.

My diagnosis has been helpful beyond "receiving benefits." I would say that "receiving benefits" is the thing it has least likely influenced (I received benefits before I was diagnosed with it and was only able to receive a diagnosis because of said benefits).

I've had problems all my life, and have been depressed several times. I think that I must be lazy and unmotivated because I was a very bright kid in school, yet I haven't achieved anything and my employment history is a patchy mess.
I did see therapists because of the depressions, up until nine years ago then, but was never diagnosed with anything but depression. One psychologist said that I had some traits of borderline disorder, but not enough to diagnose me with that either. I don't think I have a severe mental illness or personality disorder. I looked into them and none of them fits. That's why I went for the Asperger's assessment - because that is the only thing that seems to fit.
I don't need benefits atm. I now have a partner who earn money - not a lot, but enough to live on.
I just want to get and keep a job, really. Especially after I finished my studies at the open university. I'm afraid that I'll get the degree and then never be able to put it to good use.

Even if you don't have AS, you could be BAP (autistic traits but not enough to qualify as being on the spectrum). Or you could have another condition that resembles AS in some ways, such as OCD, ADHD, Schizoid personality, etc.