Attracted to autistic behaviours.

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I am very attracted to and comforted by any distinctively autistic behaviours. Whenever someone displays overtly autistic traits (i.e. stimming, talking about repetitive things, etc.), I usually immediately feel comfortable around that person. I can become somewhat comfortable around an NT, but it takes time and the degree of comfort is not nearly the same.

I often find that I get very bothered by people here saying that they want to remove their stims, become more NT-like in conversation, etc. because I am attracted to these traits so much, both in myself and others. Before I found out about my diagnosis, I was pretty much indifferent to other people and considered myself asexual because I mostly did not come across autistic boys, and when I did, I had trouble recognizing my feelings the way I can now. It's not necessarily sexual attraction, though, although it has been at times (I do have a partner now, and he's autistic).

I love my own autistic traits and don't feel a need to hide them unless I absolutely have to. Whenever I do something silly in a social situation, it usually makes sense to put it down as resulting from my autistic traits. So, I usually think something like "oh, it's just my autism" and don't perseverate on it, I think hence my high self-esteem and lack of social anxiety. I think I am addicted to autism literature so much because it ultimately makes me feel good about myself.

Am I totally insane?

Nope! Birds of a feather flock together.

Non-verbal (and verbal) communication and cues can serve as a major social "glue".

It's something that gets lost using an online social messaging board.

I can partially relate. Although I've never met another aspie face-to-face--at least anybody who would admit to it--I do feel more comfortable with some of the other aspies I've met here than I do NT's in general.

Having said this, I do try to be as un-aspie as possible at my job and in my mandatory forays into public places. Otherwise, I want to feel comfortable being who I am.

I do have an NT girlfriend though, and since we get along well, I'm glad she is, since she is the one to deal with the public, at least when possible.

Hmm, but why, if autistic behaviours are awesome? That's what I don't get. I wouldn't enjoy acting as someone I would feel less comfortable with, as opposed to my genuine self.

I have a friend who is on a similar page as me in regards to this and I thought we're both crazy. I often feel it's us against the world. I really like this woman's perspective, too: https://www.facebook.com/pages/Karlas-A ... 9821204141

No, you're not. You seem to identify with autistic culture and said culture has been a positive influence in your life. As long as you're not part of one of those sub-groups in the autistic community who think they're superior human beings and the next step in evolution, I see nothing wrong with this. I know you and you're not part of one of those sub-groups so there's nothing wrong with it. =) Many deaf people gain a lot of satisfaction by identifying with the deaf community, which is similar IMO. You're not insane, you're awesome!

Mathgirl, I never said that autistic behaviors are awesome; they are simply part of who I am.

As far as trying not to stick out in public, it's also a matter of safety and avoiding conflict. I learned in the Navy, when I spent time in bad parts of some of the world's biggest cities that I would rather blend in with the crowd and be safe than exhibit my individuality and put myself at risk. The problem with taking on the world is that the world usually wins.

I've never been accused of not being individualistic enough; I simply save it for more private settings. Just to prove my individuality, at least as it pertains to having a mind of my own, here is my position on autism: As far as autism being good or bad, I like the Stoic Epictetus' line about such things: "Be not elated at any excellence not your own", with our own being what we earned or made happen by our own efforts. Of course, the corollary is also true: I'm not ashamed of my autism either. For me, my autism is simply part of who I am, and is neither good nor bad. Only what I do of my own volition is either good or bad.

As I find this quote to be as important as it is profound, here is the quote from Epictetus in full"

"Be not elated at any excellence not your own. If a horse should be elated, and say, "I am handsome," it might be endurable. But when you are elated, and say, "I have a handsome horse," know that you are elated only on the merit of the horse. What then is your own? The use of phenomena of existence. So that when you are in harmony with nature in this respect, you will be elated with some reason; for you will be elated at some good of your own."

Right, I agree that we all should try to fit in at least to some extent. To me, autistic behaviours are positive because they feel more familiar and I don't think I'm the only one who would say so. However, the way I see it, there needs to be a balance between fitting in and not doing so because fitting in can become too limiting. If everyone was just focused on "creating harmony", then everything would be too predictable and bland. On the other hand, if everyone was super individualistic and didn't care about what everyone else thinks, then we wouldn't be able to get along at all and form groups. For example, I am into fashion and dress very appropriately; that doesn't limit me in any way, because it doesn't take that much effort to do so. I do my best to follow instructions and work within the school system because it's the minimum I need in order to be able to contribute to the society. I also tone down some aspects of my personality and channel some urges in a non-disruptive way in order to be able to function.

However, I work with a non-verbal autistic man who does not hide his autism in public. He does not self-harm or harm others, which he had to learn to manage. That is necessary for him to be able to participate in society. However, more minor things that simply communicate that he's autistic are, really, harmless, while it is also what he needs to calm down and cope with the environment to be able to enjoy it and be in that space with people. I know that not monitoring my own autistic behaviours has enabled me to interact with others more freely and confidently, which is a basic need and also a survival need. I also think it's important to communicate to others that you are somehow neurologically different, because otherwise, people will interpret your behaviours as they interpret everyone else's and assume that you have a particular set of abilities. Also, you might end up attracting other people on the spectrum that way.

Behaviour is communication.

Mathgirl, very well put. I think what influenced me most is that I was born gifted, but very aspie in a time when nobody had ever heard of AS. So, I caught a hard time from everybody, and up through high school, my obsession was with being a hermit, and I seriously considered doing just that. I came to the unsettling conclusion that there was simply no way I could live without other people

A thought experiment should suffice to illustrate my point: Imagine being dropped onto a very hospitable deserted island with everything you potentially need--except you can take nothing with you made by other people--right down to the fillings in your teeth and the clothes on your back. How long do you think any of us would realistically last?

So, yes, while I am most comfortable alone so I can be me, I have learned to make concessions to society as it is something none of us can do without. Hence the aspie's existential dilemma: We can't live with people, but we can't live without them either. It makes life interesting if nothing else....

Well I will not live long since all my teeth are now dental implants.

Thelibrarian, I wanted to follow up with the last three sentences of your post. Are you indicating that Aspies can't live with other people?

Yes, are not social deficits part of AS?

Do you live with anybody? I live with my partner but we don't talk much. We mostly communicate non-verbally, aside from purely factual exchanges. I find that I'm really good when it comes to communicating with others on the spectrum via non-verbal modalities. I guess it doesn't work with NTs well because their nonverbals are very quick and not intuitive or straightforward.

No, in my case absence does indeed make the heart grow fonder. My girlfriend doesn't live with me.

I'm not sure I follow nonverbal modalities. Are you referring to intentional body language, such as winks and nods?

I think when my girlfriend and I are together that we talk more simply because we're not together as often. My girlfriend is NT, though more introverted.

Yes. We mostly mimic each other, though, so it's not exactly typical non-verbal communication. I can pick up on some intentional body language with my client, but come to think about it, I only end up making sense of it through directly mimicking it myself first...

I find that verbal communication blocks off my ability to pick up non-verbals completely, though, because it tends to take up all of my brainpower.

That's interesting. When I'm with somebody, especially somebody I don't know very well, I concentrate on their words and their face, though I'm not completely oblivious to their body language. There are lots of things I don't pick up on until after the interaction is over. The nice thing is that with people I like I can generally pick up on nonverbal cues and subtleties of speech better simply because I know them.