Negligent of friendships

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OK, I've made one friend and even spent time with him. He's a trans man who is very kind and generous and has dealt with similar mental health issues to me. He's also very attaching, and will call lots of times at all hours. I often avoid answering the phone. I call back sometimes, but if I don't reach him, then I don't attempt it again. He's called me out for this and I said that sometimes I don't feel like talking. He says to call to at least say that. He doesn't seem to hear any of my messages though. He then called and left a message, sobbing, saying "I'm so lonely." That did trip my emotional wire a bit, but still I did nothing. He has since sent text messages apologizing for being "too loud" and all, but I've ignored them. Recently, he's stopped calling altogether.

I've done this with other friendships. Like this one other trans man, with whom I've struck up a friendship. I ended up neglecting him as well. We had some get-togethers planned and all, but I ended up cancelling them. After a while, I just kinda gave up trying to pursue anymore, and now we don't talk at all.

I've noticed my feeling in these regards. I have a sense of apathy when I do this, like I just don't flippin' care, yet a small part of me asks myself, Why do I do this? I just kinda relax and chill at home, going about my daily routine.

Basically, I've got no friends and spend all my social time with my parents.

I don't know if this is relevant, but I find that my ability to be social varies. There are times when I can make myself reach out to people and other times when I just can't. Sometimes I feel totally exhausted and just can't initiate or respond to communication.

If a friendship can ride out those bad periods, it lasts, but if people assume that I am being hostile, the relationship ends. I really value the relationships that have survived multiple down cycles where I really couldn't communicate.

I sometimes think I would like to be more social and have more friends, but I know I could not do the work to maintain more relationships. I think you have to find a balance, somehow.

I used to not be like this. Like when I was in my early 20s, I'd hang out with friends at least once a week and would enjoy it. Nowadays, though, I feel this kinda fog in my head when I think about friendships, kinda like "huh, what?" It's like I've changed for the worst over the past few years. I wonder if it's related to my current bout with mental illness?

I am like this, too! I will feel very lonely, and be pretty social with people (mostly on the net); but then I can turn completely around and feel very anti- social, as well!
I don't know what mostly causes this in me, but I wonder whether or not my "social breaker switch" gets tripped when this happens?

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An Asperger's man who has Autism Spectrum Disorder level 1- mild, with a sprinkling of Synesthesia.

I do sometimes feel lonely and wish I had a close friend whom I can contact whenever I like. But as I grew older and spent more time alone, I kind of got used to being alone. I kind of feel less lonely and happily spend time alone for a few days. I got so used to being alone that I find it a bit tiring to go out to see a friend on rare occasions. I sometimes think I'm neglecting friends and that might be one of the reasons why I can't keep friends.

I have no trouble making friends - the majority of people who I meet, both on and offline, seem quite charmed by my personality. Maintaining friendships, however, is a different story entirely. At first I will enjoy talking to my friends, but it makes me uncomfortable when I feel that we are becoming closer. The moment I feel that I am getting too close to them, I will push them away by cutting off all communication with them and essentially disappear on them without an explanation or a goodbye. However, I will often feel very guilty about my decision to push my friends away and they will enter my thoughts a lot. Weeks, months or even years later, I will then decide to reappear in their lives just as suddenly and without explanation as I had left. They are usually very happy to have me back, welcoming me with open arms and telling me that they worried about me. Until they start getting too close again, and then I will disappear again.

I have no definitive answer as to why I engage in this behavior, but I do have some speculations:

1) I simply get overwhelmed by the demands of the friendship. There is some evidence that I have always been this way, because when I had a group of friends as a young child, I would often try to sneak away from them in order to play by myself or cling to my mom instead of playing with them, and I became frustrated when they tried to follow me around.
2) I had a very hurtful experience in my past where I emotionally invested everything into a friendship, only to have the other person betray and abandon me. So it's very possible that I developed severe trust issues from this experience.
3) Some combination of both (which I think is the most likely answer)

I have found that maintaining friendships can take work. But I think that sometimes one of the reasons I have trouble is that I try too hard. That would get exhausting and emotionally weird and it just makes it not work. Sometimes if I just try to sit back and not try so hard at the friendship it helps it develop and grow. I have a lot of acquaintances but only a couple of friends that are really close. But those friends know of my issues and are willing to love me anyway and we work through whatever we need to to maintain the friendship. But that takes time a real commitment and trust and those things can be hard sometimes. I have lost friends because as they got to know me I became too weird for them and they could not handle my weirdness. Sad but it is what it is. If you want a good friend, I say don't give up. It will happen but don't try too hard because then it might make things more awkward. But as people become more educated about the Autism Spectrum or mental illness they tend to be less weirded out or judgmental and that makes it easier I think. Perhaps you will find a friend from this forum who is local to where you live that you can be close to. That would be nice.

I've always struggled with maintaining friendships, I just seem to drift away from people all the time. I don't even cut them off or anything, I just sort of fade into the background.

This has got worse since getting married, my entire life now revolves around my wife and kids, nothing else matters to me. So I never see any of my friends at all, I know I should, but the emotional demands of my friendships just seem too much for me. I think in a way I use my family as an excuse to not see other people

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Autistic dad to an autistic boy and loving it - its always fun in our house

I have Autism. My communication difficulties mean that I sometimes get words wrong, that what I mean is not what comes out.