Constantly put on the spot for being quiet

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I'm going through a crisis moment with my girlfriend and her family. The crisis has nothing to do with me. I'm constantly being put on the spot and being made the centre of attention for being quiet. These people are socially very aggressive. Sometimes just plain aggressive in general.

Its getting to the point where I'm really getting annoyed. Your focus should be on your family member that is old and terminally ill. Not on someone who isn't blood and is just being quiet, and is just there to be supportive of his girlfriend.

I frankly don't know the sick person too well, as well as a lot of the family. This is a tough and delicate situation. I should be able to just play the background, but they keep forcing me out. I feel put on the spot and just not sure what to say or do with myself

Any advice or similar experiences?

I don't have any advice but I hate that so much. It makes me withdraw even more and become more quiet if possible and makes me uncomfortable.

"I want to support X in any way I can, but I can see that this is a time when you need to gather as a family and deal with your medical crisis with undiluted focus, so I am going to leave you to it. Please let me know if there is anything I can do. My thoughts will be with you as you go through this difficult time. Goodbye."

While I tend to be quite talkative when I'm with people I know well or if I'm discussing about one of my interests, I tend to be quiet when I'm with people I don't know well or don't know at all.
In school I've always drawn people's attention for being usually quiet in class and expressing my thought at the wrong moment (aka by interrupting others) but I am also known for talking non-stop to people I like, to the point that I am considered annoying at times.
The fact is, I have no interest in talking to people I don't like or don't know well.
People then try to approach me and try to talk with me, which I usually don't like because they rarely start talking about something I am interested in.
The only advice I could give is telling them you don't know what to say/don't want to talk.
I don't know what else you could do.

My ex's mother once turned round and said to her son. 'Does she not talk' meaning me of course. That was quite difficult for me. Also one of his friends remarked on my quietness as well.

I don't even try to explain to people and I don't know how I could anyway. I am selectively mute but most people wouldn't get that anyway. I'm a lot better these days though.

A lot of insensitive extroverted people seem to think that it is their job in life to get all the quiet people to "come out of their shells."

And then they say that aspies are insensitive.

Biggest issue with my Ex and I was how quite I was around her family. She would ask them if they liked me and thier response would be "we don't really know him." Translation: No.

It is possible that they appreciate you being there during this time and are trying to show that appreciation in a way you are not wired to appreciate. They also might be trying to strike up conversations with you to take small breaks from the pain of being in the process of losing a loved one. i doubt that their intentions are in any way malicious, but, I know it must be terribly uncomfortable for you.

I would consider that a perfectly appropriate moment to flip someone off.


My sister has been married for more than 20 years and her husband still thinks I'm an @$$hole because I don't have much to say to him. It wasn't personal in the beginning. Now it kind of is.

I'm back home from the situation. Turns out it was a false alarm, and the person who is in the hospital is starting to get better even though the long term prognosis isn't good. It was a temporary relief for the family.

Throughout the whole weekend though my quietness became an increasing escalating issue. It got to the point where my GF's mom seemed like she was trying to push every button she could in me. Everything from trying to speak for me, speaking to me like a was a child or mentally slow, wondering out loud (and often very loud) what she thought I was thinking (which she always seemed to voice that I was thinking disparaging thoughts about the family.)

I had to deal with constant observations about my behavior, even the way I talked (Academic Speech basically). It came from various members of my GF's family, but the main culprit was definitely her mom. I tried voicing my concern to my girlfriend, but she completely dismissed it. I couldn't get much of a break cause we were 4 hours from home and had to stay with them. Pretty much had to just take it, because these people, especially when emotionally agitated can turn very aggressive, very fast. Her mom would even just walk past me and just try to stare me down for no reason. Like seriously eyeballing me like when people do when they are about to start a fight.

Even commenting on my facial expressions. "You always have this little smile on your face." Then abrupt stop like she wanted to continue with, "and I just want to smack it off" or something to that extent. Sometimes I have an awkward smile on my face when I'm uncomfortable and can't help it.

I've been around this side of the family before, and they were never quite this aggressive. I don't want to turn into their punching bag when they get emotionally stressed. Gauging from the stories I heard this weekend, this family in general has extreme anger issues and love to fight. It's actually something they take great pride in. Both sides of my GF's family are like this. I feel like I understand her more, now that I see the trees she sprung from more clearly. I just wish I would have seen this stuff before I moved across country and isolated myself with nothing but her family around. I think if I had a clearer picture of her "roots" so to speak, I don't think I would have made the decision to move.

And the f****d up thing is even though all this was happening the family also were very accommodating for me, I got along pretty well with some of them, and they often showed their gratitude for me coming and giving support, so my head was pretty twisted around and around this weekend.