So I might have to go on disability again soon, perhaps?

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OK, I have a history of disability, from which I made a remarkable discovery. It started with a speech delay, where I didn't put words together until 3 or 4. By the end of my first semester of kindergarten, I was already classified as a severely emotionally disturbed student. I got diagnosed with ADHD at age 5 and then PDD/PDD-NOS by age 6 (later changed to Asperger syndrome at age 13). I was placed in a special school away from the normal kids. Eventually, I was placed in a special classroom in a normal school, but I was still away from the normal kids. When autism came out as a disability for school, I was classified as autistic, emotionally disabled, and speech-language disabled.

I hated it! I hated being in special ed. I wanted to be like one of the normal kids, to be able to go to the same school as my sister, who was normal and for whom everything seemed to go perfectly well. No. I was stuck being in special ed, where I would be made fun of! There were attempts to mainstream me, especially in 3rd grade where for a time I was actually in regular mainstream classes 100% of the day, but I found it all extremely stressful and the attempts ended in failure. During elementary school, I'd always end up back in special ed. I was also in special ed in 7th grade, my first year of middle school. I remember asking the administrator of special ed there if I could be mainstreamed, but then he cited my failed time in elementary school with an annoyed voice. I was defeated.

Then we moved to another town for 8th grade. I pushed my parents to let me be in regular classes. Amazingly, I was in regular classes for 8th grade, the first semester and a couple weeks of the second. Let's just say it didn't work out too well. I actually ended up in a mental hospital for a week and a half after getting expelled from the school. After that, I went to a day treatment program, which included school, and completed 8th grade there. By the summer, I was pushing, along with my parents, to go to my regular high school and by late July I actually won approval! Unfortunately, during the process of pushing to a "normal" school, I entered a world of delusion. As I neared approval, which came the day before I was to be re-hospitalized, I started to feel pressure to act on my delusions, at the same time I was pushing to go to a normal high school! (I know the term for this now--double book-keeping.) Well, I engaged in scary and dangerous acts that day, causing me to be re-hospitalized. I was hospitalized for 6 months this time. I had a poor prognosis: they thought I might need some sort of assistance throughout adolescence and adulthood.

After I got released, I made a massive improvement and was actually able to go to my regular high school starting in 10th grade, and I would stay like that through graduation! I had friends, worked part time jobs, and would go to college! I had set-backs, but I didn't let them get me down. Things were looking up. Unfortunately, I've come down off that peak, and now I don't really have friends and my ability to handle stress has gone down. I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder NOS and I've entered periods of depression, and even had some psychotic-like symptoms at times. Now I'm looking at entering the disability world again, possibly, as the ground feels shaky underneath my feet.

Welcome. First things first. *BIG HUG*

Hey, it's all right. I would like to share that I had a very similar educational journey to you, and my parents were low-income immigrants in the inner city who could barely handle jobs that required them to speak English. My family hid where I went to school from my NT friends due to cultural shame, and hire a lawyer, sue, to get me into a (albeit sp-ed) program that led to qualifications that would enable me to even apply to university. I also faced sexual challenges from older male students, and staff bullying.

I'm not aspie, but autistic disorder. Also bipolar spectrum and possibly schizophrenic traits. At the risk of tooting my own horn, employed in financial services with a mainstream income level, have my own place, have my own business on the side and the people who "knew" me as a "severely autistic" child said I would never be able to do this. People can tell I'm autistic, can't pass as NT. Can't speak every day, either. I've had interviewers look at me, look at my resume, look at me again and whisper to each other ": she worked *where*? ".

So being in special ed means you're "on" disability? I don't think so. SSDI is a specific program for which people apply. So being sick in the hospital means you can't have a job? Bullsh*t. You are among friends here. I will be your friend. If you want to talk.

Disability doesn't mean you don't work. It is a social construct where the kyriarchy puts people who they deem as 'different' and therefore less deserving in their eyes, in one way. Most disabled folks work. You are a strong intelligent person, the first step is to pound the pavement. Talk to docs who are not only just bipolar experts, but also specialize in adults with autism who are also working. I do not know how many there are but talk to them about how to take it to the next level and balance this with a career.

BTW, my therapist told my dad, when we had a family session, that I have "schizophrenic tendencies" as well, which I can see.