I did experience abuse during my childhood, but I try not to think about it in detail. When I do, bad things happen. I have been abused a little by old friends and boyfriends too, but I've handled it. A parent could be abusive towards an AS/autistic child because she has little patience, maturity, or ability to deal with this child. That same parent could be loving towards an NT and nurture this NT child accordingly. That describes my relationship with my mother. I was nothing at all like what she expected, and I was her first child. She was an uneducated 20 year old, so I can imagine she did not approach the situation with maturity nor with wisdom. I know she did not. My father - an aspie - was distant and obedient to my mother.
My mother was responsible for most of the abuse I endured, except she was not directly responsible for the sexual abuse. But she wouldn't allow me to get help, even when I got authorities involved. During sex education, I was taught that no one should be touching my private parts, and if someone was touching my private parts, then I should tell the teacher. I did just that. My mother screamed and cursed and got her way. Her special ed/autistic/"ret*d" child didn't understand, you see. I was not allowed to receive sex education in school any more, since it gave me "ideas". My brother and sister would pick on me and beat me up, because my mother would encourage them to do so. My ribcage is malformed from the time my brother jumped on my chest and stomach areas repeatedly. I couldn't breath for at least a minute and I thought I was going to die. After being able to breathe again, I asked to go to the hospital but my mother would not take me. I am 40lbs overweight but my ribcage juts out more than on a skinny person. My mom would supervise verbal lashing and add her commentary, giving suggestions on what my siblings could say. My siblings were younger, but much larger than I. I was the only slim kid in a family of fatties. My mother did not like me at all, I think, and it was evident that she favoured her other kids.
My mother does have mental problems, and I try my best to understand her and accept the past instead of being angry. My mom was diagnosed with OCPD during a brief psychiatric evaluation, but I think she is more Borderline personality disordered and possibly Histrionic personality disordered. She was a young woman who married the first man with money that she encountered. She confessed this to me. She says that her new marriage coming up will be beautiful and extravagant, because this is her first true love. Some of the money for her New York wedding is from her children's now non-existent college fund. Plastic surgery and fancy weddings is more important than education, I guess. She had 10 extra-marital affairs that is currently known of. Her affairs were discovered because she couldn't help but brag to her co-workers. These co-workers told her kids, but only after my mother and father divorced. She would tell the family lies by saying she was going on vacation to meet some internet friends, or some other BS story.
Anyway, I'm being a whiner as per usual. It's a little strange to write all this up. But I have to accept it, because it was the cards I was dealt. I think I can credit my mother for not giving into my autistic ways when I was younger, and being just about as stubborn as I could be by constantly telling me what was the right or wrong way to act. I think... because of my upbringing and "acting" (once I understood why I needed to act differently) for my mother, I have learnt how to be fairly NT, so long as I am confident.
Last edited by goomba on 25 Jan 2007, 10:43 pm, edited 1 time in total.
25 Jan 2007, 6:13 pm
