Am I mentally unstable or is this normal to my aspergers

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I used to be a happy child, but ever since ninth grade I started having homicidal thoughts. At first it was in response to being picked on but now I can get angry at those who mistreated me out of nowhere and the homicidal thoughts come win the anger. I can say I have them more than once a month, and that the thoughts are becoming longer and detailed. I also feel like my breaking point is nearby and that I will snap. I don't want to snap because I don't want to ruin my life by following these thoughts, but I don't know how to stop them. I'm afraid to tell my parent because I'm afraid of how they will react. I also don't know what causing them. Could it be depression, anxiety, or my Aspergers in general? This is the first time I asked for help for this issue. I'm scared because I don't want to snap and be the bad guy. Please help

it could be depression or PTSD. i have homicidal thoughts about past abusers, but i have never been serious about acting on them. the thoughts have decreased in intensity as i have rebuilt my life and as time has healed wounds.

you may need a counselor's and doctor's help to find a more positive way to deal with past trauma. the best revenge is living well.

Homicidal thoughts are not related to Asperger's. However, many people have them normally and never act on them. I've fantasized about killing my stepfather, who used to beat me up; but I would never do anything like that. Most likely, you are not in danger of hurting anyone--but that you are spending more time thinking about this probably signifies that something is changing for you.

Here's my take on the problem: 9th grade. First year of high school. You're under a lot of stress right now. You mention that people are mistreating you. This is a bad environment and it is putting a lot of pressure on you.

I'm no professional and can't diagnose you with anything--heck, maybe you don't need any diagnosis at all--but it seems clear that you're having problems dealing with all the responsibilities and all the difficulties you're having to cope with right now. That "I'm afraid I'm going to snap" feeling is probably your mind telling you that you're overloaded, and you need to find some better ways to cope before things start breaking down. While I doubt you would start killing people, it might mean that your grades start dropping, or you start fighting with your family or your friends, or your self-care starts suffering. Yeah, you should probably see a counselor--try to head some of this off before it gets bad. Some of it may be your environment, the things you have to do and the things you face in your daily life. Resolving some of that could make life easier for you.

Agreed... Could be PTSD: I've also suffered with this, homicidal thoughts & suicidal thoughts, and I've learned that when they start I must get free from the anxiety and RELAX. Breathing deeply and slowly usually helps if it's not too far gone. Then I can concentrate on other more positive things like my kids or my pets, who I love very much. Sometimes it helps to just cry, or at least that helps me some.

It might help if, when the thoughts surface, redirect your mind onto something more soothing like asking yourself questions, I.e. are you serious? What would your mother think? What would Jesus do??

Sometimes the thoughts are just too much and can't just be redirected...that's when you really need to take a time out. Leave the area or situation and just remove yourself to a place that you can gather yourself and get a handle on what is really bothering you.

It may be worth it to keep a journal where you can write about what you are dealing with. Sometimes it helps to put down on paper your thoughts and feelings so you can read them later to maybe gain more insight to what the underlying problems are. In doing so, you may build the inner knowledge to come up with some suggestions for handling future events.

I used to be very reserved, but have learned that speaking with people logically *sometimes* works. If you are able to control your thoughts and actions to the point where you could CALMLY approach the person, you may be able to give them suggestions on how to better treat people. I've done that and it usually doesn't end well (with everyone smiling) but some people just need to know they are in the wrong, but in a NICE way. Remember this: try to kill them with KINDNESS.

I agree with the others....I too, have been known to have homicidal thoughts, but only regarding those who have mistreated me somehow, and I've never acted on them. I think that it's perfectly all right, and natural, considering what you've gone through....wanting retribution or justice to be done is a very human thing. It really doesn't sound like "mental instability" at all to me. Allow yourself to feel your feelings, let the anger come and go...and don't let anyone tell you that it's "bad" or "wrong."

It also sounds like you're going thru a lot right now - starting high school, being bullied, etc. Starting high school was bumpy for me, too. I know others have probably suggested this, but have you tried talking to your parents? Or what aboout the guidance counselor at your high school? Would it be possible to get in touch with her before school starts, let her know what's going on, that you might need some reassurance, etc. Something like that? I was able to establish a relationship with my high school guidance counselor and remained on very good terms with her up until she retired...IDK if it's appropriate for a student to refer to one of the school staff as her "friend," but if you could find a word that meant something similar to "friend," then yes, she was indeed that.

I wish you all the best.

You know what, man? These thoughts are completely normal, and hey, Hollywood is replete with movies full of bad guys who get what's coming to them in the end. That's a notion that SELLS in our society, whether we're Aspie or NT, makes no difference. It's just damn unfortunate that, society being the way it is, that Asperger people get targeted undeservedly.

I'm in my 30s, and still have episodes of anger - not violent rage, but just tightening and putting on an angry face, or slamming cupboards, my wife has asked what's bothering me and I just said I'm not in a good mood. She then doesn't speak with me and I feel like crap, so as tempting as these sentiments are, they don't accomplish much long-term good. I did have my moments years ago when I had homicidal thoughts of past abusers just like you do, but I never acted on them. In more recent years, I've had thoughts of something horrible happening to a past abuser, like they got hit by a bus or a slab of concrete fell on them in a freak accident, or something. In fact, this is actually true and call it karma: a guy called Chris who was a big-time a***ole to me was killed in a car accident - rear-ended by a transport truck - his best friend who was also a real jerk to me went to his funeral, so did others close to him - and I fantasized about showing up and delivering a very negative speech about him, but it might have culminated in a physical assault at worst or screaming "get the f*** out" at best.

In any event - it might be a mild case of PTSD, because that entails reliving the experience, even in an irrelevant context, and sometimes repeatedly. I suspect that I too have a mild case of PTSD. So by all means, go to a psychiatrist and tell him/her what has been preoccupying your mind, maybe they will prescribe something or give you insights to cope, and I agree with a previous poster that living well is the best revenge

I think it's normal - both for Aspies and NTs - to have occasional thoughts such as these. Acting on them, of course, would be a big problem. As a Christian, I would compare it to temptation: It's not a sin to be tempted; it's a sin to act on the temptation. I had a manager a few years ago who, even though I never disclosed my AS to her, sensed my weaknesses and took full advantage. She was a man-hater, which made it worse. She was merciless, and I can honestly say she's she nastiest, meanest person I've ever known. I still occasionally have homicidal thoughts when I see her or think of her for some reason. I guess the ability of many Aspies to be able to remember things so well can be both a blessing and a curse.

I get thoughts like this all the time and I sometimes enjoy imagining killing, but haven't ever done it. I think if you can find someone who can help, a therapist maybe, before you lose control and do something horrible.

I had thoughts like that when I was in 9th grade. (And, sometimes (like right now), still.) I would say that that time was by far the worst time in my life. I know it's a really long time to contemplate, but once you're out of high school a lot of being picked on goes away (it never goes completely away, but IME it lessens significantly). So, if you can hold out until then, it should get better.

Also, like someone else said, try alerting adults to the bullying. There is a chance that they'll do nothing or blame you for it, but if you're as un-demonstrative and un-communicative as I was as a kid then maybe no one (including your parents) knows how bad you feel -- and so you should try to tell them at least a few times.

I always feel like getting revenge a neighbour called the cops on me tonight no joke and now I feel like K**ling him, I can't help it either I just react so that's why I'm buying a kayak and going to spend everyday out in the ocean and only lift weights and sleep when I'm at home. Two wrongs don't make a right but I think if people in life had of treated me fairly than I wouldn't be the violent person I am today. I have a good nature when I'm not being walked on but people seem to walk on me and that's what's made me the way I am.

In 9th grade I remember being surprised one night when people tried to frighten me by jumping out from dark woods I had to walk through at night. They new the route I had to take home and ambushed me. All my life I had been fearful and cowardly but that evening I reacted with aggression. I roared back at them and ran toward them and they ran away, frightened of me.

This was just a result of hormonal flux, nothing in the way of new changes in my thinking. It was good for me, because it gave me a little social courage and I have benefitted ever since. But I almost killed a man because of it, too--because of feelings like those you describe.

This adult took exception to something I was doing and deliberately belittled me and humiliated me in front of a group. We were working felling trees in a forest at the time and I was carrying an axe. I was really right on the verge of planting that axe right through the back of the abusive man's skull when another adult saw the situation and desperately tried to defuse it. She saw the rage in me though and then created an false emergency to end the situation where the two of us were together in a remote place with axes...
The dumb bastard blew himself up trying incompetently to clear a tree stump with dynamite a few years later and I was not unhappy at the news. I am a very peaceful person, 99% of the time, but if someone succeeds in enraging me, I scare myself.

You learn to control it as you get older and the crazy chemicals of puberty decline. At least, that was my experience. Good luck to you! Remember, the person you will damage most if you act on these impulses is yourself. Don't give them the satisfaction!

You're probably quite normal. I would think that everybody has these thoughts from time to time. Perhaps it might help if you did try and express how you feel with someone who you can trust.

I agree that this is petty common. But don't spend a lot of time on these thoughts. When they come, acknowledge them and then let them go. You never want to be tempted to actually act on them. I am no stranger to that either especially having Misophonia. And if they are hard for you, don't ever put your hands on a weapon. You might not always be able to control what other do can always control your actions and you can always try to walk away from situations whenever possible and prevent something horrible.