Paranoid/Losing friends

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I don't understand what I am doing wrong. Sometimes people don't like me because they say I am paranoid about little things. but to me that is a big thing. I don't normally notice but over time people pointing it out to me I started to notice. And its just apart of who i am i have a had tried not being paranoid. How do i explain this to other people because I don't want to lose anymore people over my actions.

Just for the heads up I don't completely like to say i have any disability anymore because its so unclear and to hard to understand what it is.
But i have gotten Diagnosis by many specialists and neurologists. (Sorry if the spellings off or wrong)

Perhaps you are "paranoid" because you don't understand non-verbal communication? So you're afraid people won't like you because you missed their subliminal signals? In this case, you have every right to be paranoid, and you are simply being a nice person.

Another option is to not care when you miss out on non-verbal communication. Which would make you "rude" instead of "paranoid."

The final option is to learn how to be neurotypical. Learn their subliminal signals and non-verbal communication. Then you should be much less paranoid.

I don't think i have autism but then again i could just be scared to say i might or wish i dont im unsure.
I got Avpd so they say. Miner mr So they say. Anxiety so they say. ect ect ect. -.- Pdd nos. hell idk anymore i thought i had it i was happy i thought i had it. and then it blew up again and im unsure.

I know this is much easier said than done but try not to over think it. You will over think yourself into a frenzy. Instead, don't worry so much about your diagnosis. I think that diagnosing accurately can be super hard and sometimes we spend so much time focusing on that that it makes us even more anxious. And if you tend to be paranoid to begin with, try not to add to that. Try to focus on things that you love and interests that you have instead. This will help your mind develop more in positive areas and it will help keep you busy so that you don't fixate on the challenging stuff.

I have lost friends too and it really hurts especially when you don't understand why. One good friend I had told me specifically that I make them uncomfortable because I am on the Spectrum and I have weird behavior and because of that they no longer wanted to be my friend. That stung and hurt like mad but I can't help it if someone is like that. But I can focus on things that I love and am good at like sports and focusing on those things also help me with being better socially. I think you can learn to pick up some nonverbal communication, it takes time and patience but I think you can do it. But if you stress over it it will be harder. I sometimes have problems with understanding some verbal things and I have to ask people what they mean and they are usually able and willing to help me. Even in some of my posts here you will see me asking. It's fine to ask people you are talking to to help you understand.

You are welcomed to pm me XsamX if you are in need of company.

You will lose people over being paranoid. If that is what they are saying you are, then they must have a reason.,Paranoia can be a symptom of psychosis, and people intuitively know to stay away from someone like that in that they intuit there is a potential for such a person to harm them (because he may think they are harming him if his paranoid tendency gets out of hand).

I am not particularly pro therapy, but maybe in this case it might be helpful...but don't take any medication crap they may try to give you is my recommendation.

Also, you could read up on how paranoia works and what causes it. It is basically some kind of split in a person that they cannot reconcile....and yet there is the saying I have heard---that every paranoia has a seed of truth in it---it's just that the mind can exaggerate things and throw it all out of proportion.

Also watch the stress level and try to keep it down.

This is very interesting to me and I would like to know more about it. Do you have any literature that you recommend?

it might take me a while to answer....i just looked on the internet and there is next to nothing there, which is amazing....the books are expensive and you would have to order, and first i would need to find them in my home..i will try to give a synopsis myself but this might take a day or so....love, littlebee

Thank you so much. It is really nice of you to take the time and effort to do that. Love right back at you, Skibum!

.I don't have time to do the research yet, but was thinking about this all yesterday and all night....actually the advice that one person gave to not to think about it is probably pretty good....this does not mean to not feel the feelings, whatever they are, but just to not think the thoughts associated with it.

Analyzing why a person is paranoid, though surely of some value, is probably not going to make the paranoia go away. I was just trying to kind of fill you in on what could be happening. In the meantime, could you possibly give some examples, maybe three, of various occurrences of paranoia? For instance when someone visits your home do you think they have stolen something from you (but then later find it?:-) What are some specific instances? Also, do you ever have the feeling along with the paranoia that you are kind of floating away and losing your grip on reality? That would indicate psychosis, but it could just be a temporary experience because of stress. However, if you do experience that then the aim would be to stabilize the mind. The problem is that every time a person thinks these paranoid thoughts then that further reinfoces the tendency to think in this way....

This was definitely my line of thinking. I think that we can actually teach ourselves certain behaviors and retrain some of our thought patterns so that at least they won't be as severe. Sometimes I try to do that with small things so that it is not too overwhelming. Sometimes when I feel anxiety or even if I feel a bit of paranoia about a situation I talk to myself as if I were someone else talking to me and I reason try to reason through whatever the situation is so that I am not so fearful anymore. It is good to practice with small situations that are not traumatic because then you tend to succeed and that helps you with bigger ones.

I agree with what you write, however, though I didn't reread your original message, as I recall you said something to the effect of this is how you are, implying that you kind of accept yourself, which is good, but also implying that you kind of expect others to kind of accept your behavior as it is, so this suggests a way of thinking that thinking alone cannot probably sort out,as the thinking that tries to sort it all out would still be connected to this kind of thinking, though it could be a facet of an approach. Feeling the pain behind it is something else....or just dropping the thinking entirely at a given moment, but in the latter one would need to replace it with something...a different quality of mind, so not just thinking.

Oh goodness, I have read and reread your post a few times and I am sorry but it is a bit confusing to me and hard to understand. I swill try to break it down phrase by phrase to see if I understand it better.

"you kind of accept yourself, which is good",
Yes, I do accept myself and yes, I also think that is good.

"you kind of expect others to kind of accept your behavior as it is",
I don't know if I have really thought of how others see this in me. I know that my husband sometimes mentions to me that he thinks I look sad but I try to hide it from others. It takes so much energy when people want to know what is "wrong" with you and then you have to put up with them trying to "help" or sometimes they tell you to just get over it and neither one of those approaches tends to help me. They just stress me more. So when I feel these feelings I very very rarely really talk to others about them and I tend to find a place to be alone when I feel them. So I don't know if other people really know. My friends usually tell me that I smile a lot and have a very positive attitude and outlook so that makes me think that maybe they don't know.

"so this suggests a way of thinking that thinking alone cannot probably sort out,as the thinking that tries to sort it all out would still be connected to this kind of thinking, though it could be a facet of an approach."
I am sorry, I don't understand what this phrase means so if you don't mind, perhaps you can explain it to me in a more simple way.

"Feeling the pain behind it is something else....or just dropping the thinking entirely at a given moment, but in the latter one would need to replace it with something...a different quality of mind, so not just thinking."
I am not sure that I fully understand what you are saying here either but I think I might have an idea. Are you saying that the feeling and the act of thinking about the feeling are two separate things and the thought about the feeling is what is being replaced by a change of mindset? Please forgive me. I am a little confused and I am trying to understand what you are saying.

Let's say a person is paranoid or whatever---a personality disorder---the kind of thinking a person does is going to in some way support that disorder, so using this thinking that has a tendency to support the disorder is not going to completely resolve the disorder, but sometimes a person still needs to use some kind of thinking to sort things out, hopefully more clear thinking, more logical thinking, but this can only be part of an approach as thinking is connected with some kind of emotional pain, and, in short, an emotion needs to be felt in order to be resolved.

Re the second point, yes, this is what I am saying. The mindset of the first kind of thinking/feeling needs to be replaced with an entirely different kind of mind...for instance a mind that combines intelligence and compassion with the act of direct seeing that is insightful, Of course one cannot exactly snap ones fingers and change from this kind of mind to that. Some kind of practicing would be required, like learning to ride a bike, but eventually a person does just begin to catch on and begin to function more and spontaneously from this other mode.

Cool, now I understand fully. You are right. It is a bit of a skill that can be practiced and worked on. Sometimes it is very difficult but sometimes especially when the trauma is not too great, it can be done so it is good to practice it whenever you feel it is doable.

Thank you for explaining your thoughts to me. I really appreciate it. Some people are not so generous and just give me some rude remark and say that I should be able to understand whatever they say which does not help. It is so refreshing to find that people are kind and generous here on WP.

I am getting something out of it, too, which I why I wrote that, but one can find people who are kind and generous most anywhere. It is a natural human tendency, but sometimes as children certain people do not get enough of a good feeling to feel safe enough in all circumstances to be able to express and receive this natural tendency which is why we need practice. If you read what you wrote again you will see it is implied that most people on WP are not kind and generous, and perhaps this is a view you are carrying into daily life and which will of course affect people's responses to you.

I found a good text on object relations that goes into great detail about different theories of paranoia and am taking it to work with me and reading up on this subject, so will report back.

love, littlebee