Communication is so hard.

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I am finding spoken communication increasingly difficult, to the point that I might go nonverbal. I have to put colossal amounts of effort into speaking.

What is going on with me? I used to be able to communicate by speech easier.

Hi SteelMaiden.

Spoken communication requires social (subjective) thinking, and that's exactly what we as autistics have a difficult time with. Our (if you are aspie) force is objective thinking.

So what you are asking is basically how you can get better at social thinking. I've found out social thinking is about relating things in the world to yourself or "viewing the big picture".

Think of yourself as the center of the conversation. You are the center, and then ask how things around you relate to yourself. I find I can get into a more "social mode" by asking whether I like things or not: "I like my tv, because it's a pleasure to watch it. I like my music player for the same reason. I don't like grey weather, because I find it tedious."

When you communicate by speech you shouldn't think about sentence structure and the like. You should think about what you want to say, not how you say it! That's important. If you think about how your sentence structure is, you are not in social mode.

Last edited by qawer on 05 Aug 2013, 5:49 am, edited 2 times in total.

^ thanks for the advice, I'll give that a try. I do have opinions about a few things. I do struggle to see "the big picture" though.

I find it difficult too at times. It's because the autistic brain basically is tuned in for non-verbal thinking.

I truly don't think this is a requisite, and I don't think it's a good idea to push yourself into a more unnatural mode of thinking while you're in an already overwhelming situation. To be able to communicate verbally, all you really need to do is to draw upon either outward environment or inner thoughts and then put your response into words. I communicate verbally the same way I would read a question and write an answer on a test or on this forum. I don't really think much about social situations because I know that if I start doing so, I will begin overthinking and it will stop me from being able to communicate. I am all-or-nothing that way; I either care too much or don't care at all. In this case, I don't care at all, although I use particular formulas for particular situations just as I would apply a certain format to an answer to a test question.

I know that this makes me socially different; as this is part of my identity, it doesn't concern me much. I'd rather be able to communicate my ideas as much as possible, than trying so hard to think in a socially appropriate manner that I don't end up saying much or participating much at all.

I hate speaking too.

Speaking is too hard.

I hate listening too.

Listening is too too too hard.

Agreed... my words are often jumbled and I try to compensate for verbal difficulty with iconic gestures; usually, I end up conveying what I'm trying to say, eventually. And listening is VERY hard. I get random bits and pieces from people, especially when the conversation is too abstract.

Last edited by MathGirl on 05 Aug 2013, 2:18 pm, edited 1 time in total.

I always think that people should Know what I'm thinking without me having to speak. I really need to stop thinking that way because it's making life harder for me.