Eye Contact Confusion

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I was just recently diagnosed with Aspergers, I wasn't even aware of the condition till a few months prior to the diagnosis. Eye contact or even looking at people at all. Seemed ok as a kid, no one mentioned anything anyway, parents didn't notice. As a teenager I retreated to my room most of the time unless I was in school. Few comments here and there, particularly one to one conversations. I began to suffer depression and do recall looking down a lot when around people but I wasn't aware of eye contact, or if I was giving enough eye contact or not.

Finished school, completed a course and worked for a year. During that period I seemed to be ok with eye contact and looking at people. I know just after finishing school I was working really hard to fit in, and with the job it was essential that I look at people. So when I went into the next course after the job I recall a few times where I was giving eye contact and I felt very uneasy. Otherwise no one noticed anything. Move onto the next course and I seemed to be able to look at people and seemed pretty confident. I left that course last January due to a bit of a meltdown and it is from there that things became noticeable.
I went back to retreating to my bedroom. Didn't want to be around people. I became aware of Aspergers and it's traits. My therapist commented one day that I was looking at her more. It was from then that I felt this self consciousness and anxiety and have found it hard to look at people when they are facing me. It's a bit easier when they are not looking directly at me. My mam commented today that I was developing a bad habit of not looking at people which has only just started and it has filled me with a lot of anxiety.

I have a number of ways of looking at it (excuse the pun):
1. My recent awareness of Aspergers has brought all of the traits that I have worked on in the past back with full force if not stronger. This could either be because I am tired of struggling and just letting me be whatever way or the awareness is making me see the world in a different light or both.
2. I have had to deal with a lot of issues of mistrust with people that occurred in the past since then which has fed into my lack of desire to engage with people. I know for a fact I am a lot more nervous around people now than I was before I left college in January.
3. Am I changing or have I gone back to my old ways- this bout of depression feels different as it really feels like I am fighting for survival, a feeling I never experienced in previous battles with depression.
4. I spend a lot of time away from people again which could be a factor.

It confuses me. I genuinely don't know what to do because looking at people now does fill me with anxiety but it also drives me mad that I can't do it especially since it has really only became a huge problem recently. Could anyone shed some light on this please because it is confusing me and filling me with anxiety. Has anyone had similar experiences?

Maybe you developed social anxiety after your autism diagnosis.

Social anxiety is associated with avoidance of eye contact during social interactions.

I avoid eye-contact just bexause I don't have the instinct to look people in the eyes.
Not because of anxiety or something like that.
Also when people tell me "look me in the eyes" if I do look in their eyes I get unfocused and I can't listen to what they're saying.

Ye I think it is possible I have developed social anxiety but I think that may have happened before the diagnosis. I think that is something that comes and goes. It's something I think that would explain why the eye contact thing has changed.
I can process things better when not looking at the person talking especially when there is a lot to take in or if I need to concentrate on what I am trying to say.
The easiest thing to do for me at the moment is to try and look at them but not directly for a little bit.
What is the differences between Aspergers and social anxiety in terms of social interaction does anyone know.

I doubt that your symptoms and behaviors have changed as much as you may think, you're just hyper-aware of them now.

I managed to develop coping mechanisms for eye contact fairly young, because my parents insisted on it, at least in public, like church - and we went to church all the time. What I learned to do was to glance at the speaker's eyes for just a second, then look away, then look over their shoulder, then after a few moments back to their eyes again and repeat. If I looked directly at their face or eyes for more than a few seconds, my brain would focus on their eyes or facial features and I would completely miss what they were saying. Not to mention it made me uncomfortable as hell, like if I made eye contact, they could stare into my head and hear what I was thinking. It was actually a physically irritating feeling.

I sway from side to side or rock back and forth on the balls of my feet constantly when standing and I can clearly recall stimming like that since I was at least ten or so, probably even earlier, but I can't remember with absolute certainty whether I did it as a small child - of course I spent a lot of time playing with toys on the floor back then, so it wouldn't have been as obvious - however, my Mother can recount dozens of instances of social avoidance behaviors that were clearly Autistic in nature, so the neurology has been in place all along.

The thing is, I was aware my entire life that I was not comfortable with excessive eye contact, but I had learned to fake it so well, I didn't think of it as something I had a problem with, until I was aware that I had AS, then I became hyper-aware of it, but the avoidance and the anxiety was always there.

I've always hidden in my room and avoided social interaction, that certainly didn't start with my diagnosis, but now when I do it, I'm consciously aware of why I do it.

For as long as I can remember (at least as long as I've been driving), I hold my keys between thumb and forefinger and nervously flip them up and down rapidly when walking through stores, malls and public areas. Now that I understand Autism, I recognize that as a classic "hand-flapping" gesture.

I think its very normal, for a certain period after diagnosis, say a year or so, to become hyper-aware of Autistic behaviors that you either didn't notice you had before, or that you knew about, but didn't realize they had a name.

Looking people in the eyes feels like someone shining headlights in my eyes. It's distracting and gives me lots of anxiety. Panic attacks around people showed up when I was 22 and finding "real" jobs after college. That was when I noticed that I wanted to start making eye-contact and that I became more profoundly aware that I wasn't like everyone else.
I've taken klonopin for several years now and that helps, but it only diminishes the eye-contact discomfort instead of eliminating it.

Ye I will give that coping mechanism a try. Seems the best way forward.
I am very hyper aware at the moment. Whatever about me not noticing prior to the diagnosis, it's when my mam said that not looking at people is a new bad habit forming, that's what gets to me.
The thing is I have some memories of some behaviors that would be explained by Aspergers that my parents didn't notice like at times playing on my own or talking to imaginary people, or pacing to soothe but I don't think lack of eye contact could be something they wouldn't notice. But I do have a few memories of where it felt uncomfortable.
I didn't meet the criteria for non verbal communication in the diagnostic interview but met the criteria for the rest. I think I am relatively ok with non verbal communication so it is possibly anxiety.

I just re-read your post, and it sounds like exactly what I went through. I was 22 and took a break from college my senior year to work full time in customer service, and during that time I started to develop worsening social anxiety and then occasional panic attacks. It didn't make sense to me and I spent a long time looking for the "thing" that caused the anxiety.

Looking back, there are two valid options in my mind. One is that I finally realized that I was different from everyone and that it wasn't from being "too smart". Or two is that I was just at a common age for anxiety to show up as the adult brain first comes fully "online".

I kept thinking that if the anxiety had a beginning, then it could have an end and kept looking for the source.

Today I take anxiety meds and that helps quite a big with the social anxiety and difficulty making eye-contact (mind doesn't go blank when someone looks me in the eye). I have aspergers, and I have social anxiety. It might just be that the first anxiety symptoms are showing up and might deserve evaluation.

There are a lot of differences, but possibly the easiest way of saying it is that social anxiety is something that can develop in someone with Asperger's as a result of repeated social failures or as a part of more general anxiety. Social skills don't come naturally to us and often have to be learned through direct instruction (either through a book or a person or what have you) or trial and error. It's this latter option (trial and error) that has the potential to lead to social anxiety.

Asperger's also has a number of more global issues that trigger a diagnosis (narrow, intense interests; sensitivity to sensory input like light, sound and/or touch (etc.); and some difficulties processing emotions.

In extreme cases, symptoms of anxiety can easily be confused for symptoms of Asperger's. That's part of why it's so important to have a trained professional do the diagnosing.

I am 23 now. I think I just got fed up of struggling and came to a realization like you said. I think the social anxiety was there for a long while but in trying to fit in with work and college I pretended nothing was wrong. I am on Lyrica which is an anti anxiety so that probably has helped with the eye contact as well.
I think I might have to change my meds the next time I see the doctor.
It is confusing that the two issues are coming to light at the same time. Prior to January I was mimicking other people a lot so maybe that's why it wasn't too noticeable.
Thanks for all of the replies, it really has helped a lot.

I'd like to add that I've noticed that when people get recently diagnosed, they become aware of all of the things associated with it, and may assign ASD qualities to themselves that they don't have. Not every person with ASD has every trait. For example: when I found out about my diagnosis, I used to talk constantly about my supposed sensory issues, despite the fact that I hardly had any and they weren't as debilitating.

With knowledge of a diagnosis, there comes increased awareness of your own behavior. You may have read that people with ASD have difficulty with eye contact, so it could be that you are now incorporating this into your behavior without knowing it because your therapist has drawn attention to it. My advice is to not dwell too much on the traits of ASD because it is, essentially a label and does not comprise the full extent of who you are. Focus on what you have to do to make your own life easier - things like switching your medication will help you in the long run.

Ye that's what I thought might have been happening but have gradually gotten out of that. I have realized that it's just easier for me to not give much eye contact, I feel more at ease now not giving eye contact. Aside from a one to one conversation I do give some eye contact, I just can't maintain it for very long.
I think what you were saying about the focus on my behavior- that is probably what was annoying me, that during the diagnosis there was a lot of analysis on my behavior so I was very aware.
What I am doing now is discussing with my therapist symptoms and traits that I feel I do have or ones I may think I have.