embarrased

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I do not mean to.
my tongue keeps blowing out air really hard.
my fingers keep moving.
people say:
I need to stop.
but I cannot.
I am embarrased,
because,
people say things about me,
like,
why I do things like this.
they do not know why.
I want to stop.
it does it by it self.
I was gone,
but I came back,
can you help me know
why,
my tongue is blowing out air,
and,
why,
my fingers are moving.


please.

Oh, Anna,

I am not even a hugger, but I wish I could give you a hug.

I do not think I can offer a satisfactory answer to your question, and I know you probably can't help being embarrassed, but please know that other people's ignorance reflects on them, not on you. If they had a kind heart and an educated mind, they would know not to say such things as they would recognize them as hurtful. The fact that they don't recognize this should make them embarrassed, not you.

you are very artful I am sorry you are hurting but this clueless aspie [me] doesn't know if you are talking about tourettes or something else.

honey you can blow out air and move your fingers all you want over here, you just stick around.

your poem was very sad and very beautiful at the same time. so honest. i'm very glad you shared it with us. it made me think of the times i haven't felt like i fit in, and how much i wished i could be different. you are a brave young soul and i'm glad you are here.

maybe,
they do not understand.
you;
however,
understand.
good.

Anna, there are lots of people out there who understand. I think they just get hidden among the people who don't, because the people who don't make us feel so bad that sometimes they are all we see.

But

I was once one of those people who didn't understand. I do not remember ever saying anything hurtful to an individual such as yourself, but I was hurtful toward parents of kids who were quite probably on the spectrum. You see, before I had kids, I thought that parents should be able to "control" their kids. So, I was the parent who would sigh loudly and glare at the parent of the child who was screaming on the plane or misbehaving in the store. I am embarrassed by that now, and saddened for all of the parents who's days I made worse, but it's the truth of who I was.

Luckily, God blessed me with two children who opened my eyes and taught me the truth. And it left me very aware of the fact that sometimes, people are good people at heart, but they just don't know. They don't know, and maybe they can't know, because it is too far outside of their experience.

While I do not think it is your job to educate other people, I also do not think it would be wrong for you to confront their staring directly and say "I have tics due to a neurological condition. I know it looks strange to you. I find it very embarrassing but I can't help it. You could help me by just understanding that this is not something I choose and not something I can control. Thank you for understanding." If you do not use spoken language or feel uncomfortable speaking to people you don't know, you could always write it on a card. I used to have a card for my daughter when she was younger and her symptoms were more obvious. I found it to be helpful for the most part, and sometimes it even made people ask good questions, so I could tell them a little bit more about what autism is. I feel that together we made a good "ambassador" team, and I think that even if we only made one person change their view of autism, we had a success. We changed one person by taking away their ignorance and replacing it with acceptance.

Again, it's not your job to do it and I think it is a shame that anyone should even have to do it.

But some of those people staring at you and wondering why you are doing that might be just like me 10 years ago. Ignorant, but able to open their eyes and mind if only they had a teacher.