Saying the wrong thing and not knowing it

Post Reply New Topic

Every once in a while, I'll be in a conversation with someone when they will suddenly get mad and leave abruptly. I figure I must have said something to make them mad but I rarely have any idea what I said that made them mad and why it made them mad.

Some people are much worse about getting up and leaving for whatever the reason is than others.

This happens to me so often I'm now paranoid about being in social contact. For the life of me, I could never see why someone got so bent out of shape by what I'd said.

I think this happens to most of us Spectrumites. I've been lucky enough to mostly be around people that are more patient and polite, though it comes with the side effect of not even knowing I've offended them. Like, I played a co-op online game with someone about two years ago, though we were just having a good time, and only recently heard that I said or did something that the other person thought was rude. (I don't know what, particularly since it was long enough ago that most details have vanished from my memory.) I find this makes it harder to learn to fix the problem.

I've recently asked someone I know to tell me when I accidentally say something rude and to suggest an alternative. If there's someone you're close to and that you trust, I'd suggest doing the same.

It's happened so often that I find myself frequently apologizing with "sorry, I just went on a little rant there" once I realize I might have obsessed on something or else asking "that doesn't sound rude does it?"

It does bother me though, that even here on WP, I've been asked to censor what I've said because the Aspie Police were offended. Like Leonard Hofstetter says, "I can't catch a break!"

I don't think I've had anyone get up and leave, but I have been told I said something inappropriate. Which I hadn't thought would be considered that way with that group of people. Usually I think I offend people because I don't know what to say, and they probably think I'm just avoiding them and being rude or something. Usually I just get over it though, and so does the other party.

since I have been raked over the coals no matter what came out of my mouth, I've learned to better appreciate this bit of wisdom from ben franklin- "tis better to keep silent and as a fool be thought, than to open one's mouth and remove all doubt."

If people would just say that I am doing something wrong right at the moment it happened and not try to hide it or act on it. It would help me a lot in social situations. It's that lack of feedback that makes learning social etiquette imposable.

what it all boils down to, is that hell is other people.

I always know when I have said the wrong thing. I know you can argue that I think I know what's socially inappropriate and what's not, but really I DO know. I can just sense it, and having social imagination is something that I don't lack (even my counselor has said that), and so I can tell if it's the wrong thing I've said by trying to imagine if somebody else would of said it and how I would react emotionally to it, and it usually works. Also if I said the wrong thing, something suddenly clicks inside me saying ''you shouldn't have said that''. And sometimes I have been starting to say something but have suddenly stopped, as if my brain was going, ''no, say that and they'll think you're stupid, trust me!'' It's like there's a little subconscious thing inside me what often acts as a guardian angel, and it stops me from saying the wrong things.

But I suppose I can't prove my empathetic side here because I always get a ton of ''you probably think you don't upset people but you probably do all the time but not know they're upset because you can't read body language or emotions of other people''. You need to be with me for about a week for me to be able to prove it, and you will be pleasantly surprised.

Sometimes I wonder why I even bother existing. It's like my existence offends people.

dont tell women about ur playboy magazines