People rejecting you....In your head...or not?

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I've had numerous situations in which I could swear I was being rejected by someone, only to inquire and to get reassurance that the person wasn't rejecting me at all. For example: they didn't email back. Found out they were in the hospital. However, there was no way to verify that because it was an online friend from about 700 miles away. The timing seemed weird. It seemed to be right after an email that I sent him that indicated that I was interested in getting to know him further.

Convenient excuse? Or maybe he WAS in the hospital! Either way, there would have been no way to tell for sure. And I'm embarrassed that I would even contemplate that the person was making an excuse for being out of contact for a long time.

This has happened on a number of occasions. I swear the person is rejecting or purposely shunning me, only to find out they had a believable 'reason' all along (and how dare i put "reason" in quotes).

Anyway, human interaction leaves me hopelessly confused. Is it real or is it in my imagination?

Have any of you had the experience of thinking you've been rejected, then the person comes up with a reason for their weird behavior that is entirely BELIEVABLE, leaving you hopelessly confused, wondering if it is all in your head? And has it happened over and over, either from one or more than one person?

If this has happened to you, did you find out over time that they were doing the gradual "fade" and really rejecting you, or are you still friends or in contact with the person?8O

I have had that happen many many times. Some people are still close friends though and they really were that busy or involved in their own lives and situations. Others stopped being friends with me with no explanation at all and that really hurt. But I know what you mean. I have certainly felt what you have described.

It might be due to not trusting people, or being overparanoid, or having low self-esteem and being too sensitive. It can happen to NTs who have depression or suffer from low self-esteem, or other afflicting conditions.

I sometimes have low faith in people because I have learnt how shallow people can be (not all people), and so I worry that someone might have got fed up with me quick or have noticed a few strange ways about me and decided not to see me any more. I think I find it more hard to trust myself than I do other people. I do have self-hatred as well, which doesn't do my social life much good.

Yeah this has happened to me too many times to count. Sometimes they genuinely are busy with their life (verified through asking mutual friends) other times they purposely cut me out. I have also started cutting people out if they waste my time, but I always do them the courtesy of telling them why I no longer have time for them (this is usually as they constantly need me as a shoulder to cry on with the same problem that they are not even prepared to help themselves with! I am a single mum and haven't got time to speak to people for hours on end in the evenings)

Sounds like you've all been dealing with pathological liars.

Good riddance would be what I would think if that happened to me.

when i "read between the lines" i always tend to assume the worst, and i am almost invariably wrong.

i agree i think in my case a combination of low self-esteem and a lot of suffering early in life at the hands of people. i'm just very insecure. then, i also realize how i drive people away through my insecurities.

i try hard to just be okay with myself and let people and life flow over me and through me and not try to control any of it. aside from my current trend of extreme isolation, this seems to work best. i actively try to cultivate appreciation for whatever good is in my life at the moment and not worry about what comes next. not saying i do this well, at least not all the time, but it seems to be the only road to peace.

what is most frustrating to me is that it is SO hard for me to reach out to people, and forcing myself to do it is downright painful, and yet so many "friends" have made no effort to meet me halfway. i was shocked, when i vowed not to be in any relationship where i had to do 90% of the work to keep it going, how many old friends just disappeared out of my life. that was when i started to come to terms with really feeling abnormal socially and not trying to force myself to resemble other people in that way. i had no idea at the time about AS, i just stopped trying to be different. that was when i vowed to just accept myself and try leading my life with some integrity to that instead of judging myself through others eyes and constantly trying to force myself to meet their idea of how i ought to be (e.g. more extraverted), how many relationships i should have, etc. etc.

it's very hard not to take it on when so many people just don't seem to care. but the bottom line is my value as a human being does not depend on the value other people assign me. i have to have a good relationship with myself first. i continue to work on that, whether i feel like it or not.

Happens to me all the time and it's darn aggravating. And worse, this negativity attaches to everything.

When I first noticed this negative attitude I thought little of it until I realized it wasn't "just" people I was being negative about.
And I wondered and wondered why this was going on. And oddly enough the answer came quickly because of some serious
"soul searching" I'd been doing.

There are parts of my childhood I remember from school days (around 2nd or 3rd grade onward) that I can describe almost
"blow-by-blow" in detail. But by this time my life had already deteriorated into a daily disappointment and, while unhappy,
I knew what life had in-store for me. But I found, by taking my time to try to recollect and study even earlier memories,
I could piece together a partial story of my earlier, growing separation from NT society. My Mother's old diary glued all of the
timelines together.

Not to bore anyone but I found the evidence of my "separateness" (that I could identify) began around age 2, but probably
began sooner, but just wasn't recognized (all that WWII stuff going on).

But to get back on track: I can remember having negative thoughts about playing with other kids from my very earliest memories
and after adding this to the "encapsulation theory" thoughts I've been studying, I'm pretty convinced the negative thoughts
I have concerning new experiences, and especially new people, began to be formed when I was still an infant.

It's subtle, but when I experience something new (or, sometimes, something familiar) I can often identify an automatic negative reaction.
If this were to happen while I'm engaged in another action, this subtle, negative "clue" won't be noticed and I find I just "accept"
the negativity as "natural" when it's not. But when I'm in a quieter, subdued setting this negativity arising can be easily identified
and dealt with differently.

I'd love to be able to prevent these automatic "bummer" thoughts from arising but I'm beginning to think the best I can hope for
will be to continue to identify these negative thoughts faster and deal with them by using logical thinking in their place. I think it's
working a little bit already.

den

Yes, I know about that. I was living this truth until recently, when I was diagnosed and was ordered to read Tony Attwood. I recognised, that I was indeed being bullied through my schoolyears, BUT I also couldn´t distinguish between the bullying and the knocks and collisions that inevitably happens in the schoolyard, and it all ended on the same "bank account" named "everybody hates me". It has been a relief to realize this, and my view on social dissonances is less dramatic, as I am not personally afraid anymore and far less prone to feeling rejected.

Good for you!

I didn't know physical bullying of girls was so popular back then; sorry to hear that. I'm sure I just wasn't paying attention, stuck in my "space" capsule and all.

As you say: Knowing these things about yourself sure helps to "Take the sting out"......at least a little bit.

den

Thanks
Bullying is bullying as it always was.
The point is what we do with the memory of it.