Realized how awful it was for my Mum

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Today I was in my apartment when I heard a young child wailing. I could hear the anguish in his voice. I looked out the window, and saw a young child of about 5 on the floor in mental agony. I knew that he was having a meltdown, rather than it being just crying.

I went outside, and his Mother was calling him. I went to her & said "Your son is having a meltdown". She knew what I meant, as she immediately said to me "Yes, he is autistic". She didn't seem overly concerned which indicated that she knew that the best way to help him was to do nothing.

It was awful to hear, and awful to watch. That little guys mind was being ripped in two.
I got flashbacks to when I was like that. I knew that it MUST have been awful for my Mother when I was a child & like that. It was awful to hear because I knew what he was going through & just wanted to take that away from him. I knew that if his Mum had interviened during his meltdown that cuddling him would have made it even worse.

I telephoned my own Mother & told her about it. She said that yes; it used to be awful as she didn't know what to do. She said that if she tried to comfort me by cuddling me during a meltdown I would become aggressive. Her solution was to grab hold of me, and drag me to my bedroom whilst I screamed & kicked. She said that after a while I would calm down & return to "normal".

Hearing & seeing that kid today brought so much home to me.
Being a parent of a child on the autistic spectrum is NO easy task. It must be heartbreaking to just have to let your child's meltdown "burn itself out", when all you want to do is to cuddle them.
My Mother agreed, and said that it was awful; but that she loves me regardless.

StarCity,

Thank you for this post.

Are you an only child?

I had the benefit when growing up of a brother with adhd and i guess autism in there somewhere. I don't know if it was a meltdown or whatever but he would just lose it sometimes. It was like it was raining indoors for how much he intruded on the atmosphere of the room and i decided from a very young age that i would control myself at all times, mostly for the negative effect his behavior had on my mother.

That was because i could see my behavior in him i believe. I might not be as introspective as i like and im completely unable to see the way i am, but im good at analysing others behaviour and by comparing myself to things they do that i dislike i do slowly improve myself over time.

Yeah, it's hard for a parent to see a child have a meltdown. Or a seizure, or a low-blood-sugar episode, or bad muscle spasms, or anything like that. I mean, they're parents--they don't want you to hurt. And they're usually neurotypical on top of it, which means they can't help empathizing.

The woman you talked to seems to be very sensible, though. She knows that once her boy is in full meltdown, he won't be able to understand that she's trying to comfort him. Her attitude, of being calm and matter-of-fact about it, will help her boy to understand that meltdowns happen and he doesn't have to be ashamed of them; that they're something you deal with in your life, not something you have to feel horrible about. As he gets older, he'll probably learn how to prevent them more easily as his self-awareness grows, and his mother will probably help him with it, because instead of overreacting, punishing her child, or holding him down and making things worse, she's just letting it pass so that she and her son can get on with their lives.

I don't see why a parent would hold their child down if thy aren't attacking anyone nor doing any destruction.