How can I reject female company in particular circumstance?

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I like this. Glad to see people are finding humor in a touchy subject. Wrong Planet can always use a little laughter. It helps.

Heeyyy, sweetheart! Y'wanna boogie?

I will answer this tomorrow.

Basically she's very different from me. Extroverted party girl. Not a bad person, but we have little in common. I fear she'd bring her female friends - none of whom I know - and there would be drinking involved.

Lots of small talk and I struggle with it sober. Disaster area when drunk.

Probably the fear is big with this one.

If you don't like talking to people when you are drinking, why do you bother going to the pub? Why not just drink at home? I do not agree with drunkenness and am teatotal but leaving that aside, I do not understand your logic.

Ask her:

"What if I am from another planet"?
"What if I am too drunk"?
"What if I am just a nuisance"?
"What if I am not the type to buy drinks"?
"What if I space out and there are long pauses in the conversation"?
"What if your friends don't like me"?
"What if I am not good in unfamiliar crowds"?
"What if we fall in love"?
"What if I don't want to fall in love"?

If she asks "what if we go back to my place?", you say "what if I get lost going home" and maybe she will say "then you have to come back and stay forever" and then you say "I can't do that because my plant would die from lack of water" and if she laughs and says "seriously lets just go for a drink", you say "sorry I just think you won't accept me for who I am".

Ok so if she says "I promise to accept you for who you are" then um well maybe you will have to go out with them, and maybe they will see you are not their type, and maybe they have a coworker or sister or friend who is your type and maybe you won't be drinking at the bar alone but sitting next to someone who is your type.

But maybe if you do go out with them you should say, ok but just one drink and then if it really is too much, then you don't really have to stay all night...

Or if the point is to make a woman hitting on run away you ask her what her interests are, then reply by saying: "When at home I'm a transvestite, i collect butterflies (inserting the needle through them whilst they are alive is the most enjoyable part), i collect far distance photographs of my neighbors, and last but not least i collect women's hair locks, may i cut off some of yours?"

That my friend would make her run like the wind (possibly to the nearest cop station and ask for them to drive her home). She wouldn't make contact with you again, that's for sure xD

If you really don't want to go but dont want to hurt her feelings if she asks you out just tell her you have plans or if you don't want to make up a white lie just say you are not up for it, maybe another time.

If you like her but fear rejection but fear going out with a whole group of people then tell her you are not into big crowds but you would be happy to go out with just the two of you. I would be ready to throw out another idea though that works for you.

I am not sure how long you have known her for but if she is asking you out then she enjoys your company and probably already knows some of your quirks but it doesn't bother her. Don't over think it. The worst that can happen is it doesn't work out. It doesn't have to be a serious relationship. Maybe she just wants to be friends. Sometimes we have to risk getting rejected in order to get what we want out of life.

I am an NT female and my ex-husband could be a little socially awkward at times but despite his always trying to impress me I accepted him for who he was. Yes we traveled in different circles but I could have cared less what other people thought.


When it comes to dating this has always been my
Motto:

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=geDCtBQeN8c[/youtube]

I do like talking to people when I'm drinking, but I was past the point where I would have been much good for anything like that anyway. I was too drunk to recognise.

I want to go because I want company. I do drink and it's mostly at home. I'm bored of being sat here doing nothing being on WP and other forums all evening.

I got the impression that they wanted to invite me for a drink there and then but I was too wasted even to recognise their interest. I completely didn't see that she was there! I did see her the day after but didn't want to go over and start talking because I could see that they were talking. I was sober the next day, at least.

No, my real problem is that I fear being completely out of my depth and aloof. I am so different from these people and I'm frankly bemused why they would consider me to be good company. Yes, I know that this does rather smack of low self-esteem, but I am really quite poor socially. I fear essentially being a very isolated ornament. I find it bloody hard to have conversations with people who have similar problems to the ones that I have, never mind something that's completely different.

I think I'll just have to bite the bullet and just be friendly and see what happens.

I think this is the best idea. Some ideas re: "making conversation" is to ask open ended questions. An open ended question would be one that requires more than just a one word answer. You can google examples on line. I try to get people talking about themselves or something that interests them because then they just keep talking and all you have to do is listen and nod your head.

As far as everything else: if it makes you feel better I really like this woman who works in the same field as me. I met her at a conference where she gave a talk. She is a gifted speaker so has no trouble in that arena. But when I met with her one on one I couldn't make a connection. Every time I would see her I felt like she didn't like me. She always seemed nervous around me and I couldn't understand why because she is way above me as far as our professional world is concerned. She can be a little quirky at times and socially awkward but that never bothers me. Then some other things happened that made me suspect AS.

Anyway.......one day I invited her out (in writing) and she seemed really upset that I even brought it up which made me feel bad and like I had done something wrong. She basically said that she is very private and not try to form a friendship that is not possible for her.
Of course, I was completely hurt but I tried to understand where she is coming from.

Based on what other aspies have said on this forum, I am assuming she is afraid that once I discover who she "really is" I will reject her and she will get hurt. But that is not the case at all so what ends up happening is she loses out on what could potentially be a really nice friendship. I accept people for who they are. Maybe this girl is the same way.

My feelings get hurt all the time and I am NT. It happens to everyone. Just be confident in who you are and try not to care too much what others think. Anyone who does not se the value in you is not worthy of you. Not sure if you read, Look Me in the Eye but you might like it.

Keep us posted!! !

Be careful, mate; you might just get lucky ...

And I take it you definitely don't want to know if there's a follow up, right?

If there is, it will be against all odds.

I want to know so keep us posted!! When will you see her again?