I don't care about socialising.

Post Reply New Topic

Is it common in severe Asperger's to not care about socialising and to be disconnected from the outside world to a quite high degree?

I only talk or interact with people if I want something from them. I have been told that I am often "in my own world" and my dad said I don't take notice of other people.

Probably yes. Because of my very narrow interests, severe-moderate sensory deficits, and severely impaired social skills (next to none) I am very socially isolated.

I am much in my own world...there seems to be some range (often a lot) of social disconnection for me.

Being disconnected from others is very common with Asperger's because of difficulties with social interaction, but not having any desire to interact socially is something else that can develop in people with Asperger's. When you say "to quite a high degree," it would be helpful to know if that means "I have no desire to have any interactions with others at all" or "I only want to socialize with very few people because of shared interests or sensory overload, anxiety, etc." Not having any desire to interact socially is technically asocial, and is the defining feature of schizoid personality disorder (not to be confused with schizophrenia, which involves severe thought disorder and sometimes hallucinations).

"Quite a high degree" = only talk to people if I immediately need something, don't talk at all in groups, nonverbal episodes and spend a lot of time alone. I don't get anxiety as such, just total disinterest in socialising without a logical purpose. I hate talking in cafés due to sensory issues.

Tbh, I'd be happy to live in the middle of the countryside, with no other person in a three mile radius. All I'd need is basic facilities and the Internet. I'd only have a mobile for emergencies.

Unfortunately I live in supported housing with a bunch of idiots who make me have meltdowns.

i've never cared about socialising, really. its just never been my mindset at all. i dont struggle with social interaction either, i can have conversations if i want to, and i am good with giving off a friendly vibe when i want to. but apart from having the odd conversation here and there with the passengers that get on my bus, i dont care about friends or socialising. i just dont like it. i dont have social anxiety or social phobia or even shyness. i just dont like socialising, and im quite content in not having any friends. im happily married to a man who understands me, but thats it.

I've never had sex or experienced love before. I don't feel the need for either.

I sometimes want to socialise, try, feel overwhelmed by it and retreat. Then I have a patch where I don't want to socialise because I am too tired and I need to recharge my energies. Then I want to socialise, try, end up feeling overwhelmed by it (having to do group meetings, coping with conversing over all the noise, not knowing what to say to people because I can't talk about my hobbies and don't share anything in common with them and then the wanting to get back to thinking about my weights routine and tapestry projects again without interruption so I can rest my brain from all the social interaction) and then retreat and repeat over and over.

These days I am wondering if I should try to socialise at all..I just don't seem to be able to cope with it.

All the social obligations, the keeping up with peoples strops because I did not feel like chatting yesterday and took two days to answer an email or people complaining because I don't always answer my phone, then people accusing me of being annoying deliberately and then being tortured by their ignorance because they can't understand that certain foods make me feel queasy or certain materials are painful to wear...and why do I bother?

Sometimes I don't want to socialise or I wish I wasn't lonely because then I wouldn't have to (do the social stuff).

I can do brief chats with peole in passing. It is the making friends and finding a partner part that is difficult. People keep insisting that I go to parties. I do not wish to go to loud noisy group meetings and parties. I cannot talk to anyone there anyway as I cannot hear what people are saying.

Your life sounds nice..id be quite happy with a just a partner. I don't need much more social interaction than that myself.

I don't like socialising and will avoid if i can, I prefer my own company but I can tolerate a certain amount until I need to get away and be on my own doing my own thing.

Stu

me too. i really hate socialites.

The carers of this house visit in the evenings and they keep telling me "you need to socialise if you are going to get anywhere in life", "if you don't be with people, you'll never survive in this world" etc.

But my psychologist, who is great, said "if you don't have the need or desire for socialising, then why bother? Being on your own is ok if it is not harming you".

One of the only reasons I socialize is because I recognize it it helps one in finding a job. Otherwise it's pretty much a waste of time to me. Most folks don't even talk about anything, it's just useless chit chat. But I've found that an easy way to make those people go away is to start talking about something of substance.

I tend to "socialize" around groups of people that I know, and I put emphasis on socialize because even when there's a lot of friends I'll usually just stand or sit there silently observing and not really adding anything to the conversation. Mainly because the conversation is about things I have no interest in or are experiences that only they were around to witness.

Good example is homecoming every year. I'll speak to my friends and then grab a drink, stand there and just look around while sipping and occasionally asking if they're fine.

In your case, it seems like it would depend. That your signature says you have schizophrenia as well complicates matters, as asociality, lack of interest in socializing, is one of the negative symptoms of schizophrenia. Generally, though, asociality in schizophrenia is not usually present from a very early age, not before adolescence. If you've had it all your life, then it's probably the Asperger's; if you didn't develop it until you had already been in school for a while, then it may be the schizophrenia, or it may not, since you could have learned not to socialize through bad experiences.

Of course, when it comes to the topic of negative symptoms, it can be very hard to distinguish autism and schizophrenia. You usually go by age of onset of the symptoms.

Still, if it doesn't bother you, then cool. And I really hope you can get help with your living situation. I absolutely hate living with others as well; I tried doing that back in April to save money--I ended up overloaded as all heck.

That's actually the definition of Asperger Syndrome and Autism in general. "Aut" means "Self" as in: "inside oneself."


Whether or not some socialization is necessary depends on whether or not you need to work for a living to survive. If you live on the dole and don't have to leave the house to acquire the means of survival, then socialization is not required. If you must get a job and support yourself, then you will have to develop some social skills and interact with the humans, like it or not. The level of comfort at which you will exist will depend largely on those social skills and connections, so it behooves one to become as socially sophisticated as possible.

Unfortunately, autism puts rather severe limitations on just how far we are even capable of developing those skills, but it can be done to some extent.

My desire to socialize is purely intellectual. I socialize because that is a way to practice social skills. However, if I'm around people too long, I want to be alone.

When I was young, I often ignored people because my perseverations were more interesting to me. However, when I was in elementary school, I became more sociable, but my socializing involved my special interests a bit too much.

When I started middle school, though, I became much less sociable. Public middle school was stressful for me, and I was going through that self-conscious stage as well. I became concerned that anything I said or did would indirectly reveal my "weird" thought processes. I also had problems with the teachers, so I got suspicious of other people and didn't want anything to do with them.

I'm not like that anymore, but I'm still not very sociable, and it has nothing to do with thinking my perseverations are more interesting, unlike how I was when I was young.