Where are the succesful aspies?

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That is a rather draconian assumption.

That they do not want advice does not mean that they're lying or baiting people. Perhaps those solutions are not actually simplest and easiest for them.



I recall one such thread, and what you posted was not inspiring. It was more of a condemnation, accusing people of acting from an overdeveloped sense of entitlement and trivializing other's problems by claiming that because you experienced something similar, that your experience was as bad or worse than theirs. Your list problems and the dismissals you posted struck me as a gish gallop. If you want to be heard, telling people their problems are imaginary is perhaps one of the worst ways to go about it. I can't speak for anyone else, but a list of kinda bad things you experienced presented as evidence that other people's problems aren't that bad doesn't exactly instill confidence.

You're committing a fundamental attribution error by assuming that the way people respond to your posts reflect enduring personality traits. Their responses may reflect nothing more than irritation with your expressed belief that achieving those things is as easy/possible as you claim. Or they may reflect disagreement, which reasonable people are in fact capable of doing.

My response to your post was to attempt to explain what I have experienced, which is quite different from what you have experienced. After spending two and a half decades of adult life trying hard and not getting very far in terms of career or education, and given what happens to me when I try to push myself to function in a job or attending college, I think I have a sufficient sample size of experiences to determine that what worked for you simply was not going to work for me, and what you post does nothing to show me how I can change that. Also, when discussing the need for accommodations for some of us to function in the workplace, someone typically responds with mockery, disbelief, or scorn. I seem to recall that you were in one of those threads saying that a need for accommodations was another example of an unearned sense of entitlement. It seems that you have a narrow view of what people should do to deal with their situations.

This does not even make my story a "sad sack" story. If someone perceives it that way, then that's on them.

However, I have made my life better dealing with problems that are tractable. This is stuff that rarely comes up here because it is largely about depression and trauma, not about autism. No one here has any responsibility to anyone on this forum to keep them apprised of their efforts or take offered advice into account - especially when it is actually not very good or helpful advice, whatever the person giving it may think.

Mostly, the negativity that has been developing over the past several months toward the idea of disability and toward those who have difficulty with work or school or an inability to work or a need for accommodations is rather tarnishing this forum's appeal.

Success is how you define it. Like some social service worker might say I'm socially marginalized ( is this the correct term, I translaited it from finnish) because I'm still at university at 33, I need help from an autism recourse center and I'm on social benefits. I still think I'm succesfull, because I'm fairly happy with my life, I have many friends and a wonderful girlfriend and I can do what I do best (help other aspies by leading a creative aspie group and talking about asperger's at different functions)

I doubt that many who believe themselves to be successful would say that it was come by effortlessly. It was likely due to a lot of hard work, perhaps suffering, sadness, and heartbreak. They just turned it into something positive, rather than allowing it to consume them. Also, we are all works in progress, so even if I feel successful in one aspect of life, there are still others where I can improve.

"Where are the successful aspies?"

They're not supposed to exist, ie. the criteria for being diagnosed as being on the autism spectrum include/require that a person *be* "impaired" ( socially, at work, and in sexual relationships ); the diagnosis is of a disability not "just" a difference ... so that any people on the spectrum who do succeed are/must be "by definition" exceptions, very rare, accidents of circumstances, of special skills and the right opportunities ... the vast majority of people on the spectrum *can't* be successes, because "impaired" functioning means not being able to function very well at x, y and z areas of life.

The few that have succeeded are/have been lucky.

They haven't "Been lucky" They've overcome their problems.

You're saying that an Aspie can't truly be successful without luck. John Elder Robison wasn't "lucky", neither was Darryl Hannah. They worked heard to be succesful.

I was diagnosed in childhood but I'm not a successful Aspie. I'm more of an average-intellect Aspie, and some of my knowledge falls below average. I know they say I'm probably clever in my own way, but I'm not, like, Lisa Simpson clever, and I never will be.

Fnord have you considered that the advice you gave just does not work for them?

I have had this problem with people when it comes to my social issues on many boards. Advice such as just go out and meet people...ummmmm!

I go out and chat to people all the time yet it is failing to find me a friend or a partner or similar.

Ergo their advice just does not work for me for some reason. I am obviously missing something else I should be doing, don't know what that something else is, and am failing because no one seems to be able to tell me.

Another little nugget is don't beat yourself up...I was not going to as to my mind it is not part of the problem solving process and I am seeking practical solutions rather than emotional support (usually). Once the problem is solved my emotions will settle themselves you see...it is more effective that way.

Personally, if someone does not want to take my advice I do not mind. If they think my advice won't work for them I will offer them some other suggestions. I have passed along what information I have that may be useful to them and they can use what they wish out of that, as can anyone else that may find it beneficial.

I don't really judge in that way to be honest. They are free to take whatever advice they wish..whichever works best for them I guess.

I have been accused of attention seeking when I was in very real pain and actually reaching out for help so I hate when people throw accusations around like that just because someone did not worship the advice they gave out! People may have lots of reasons for not taking certain advice.

That is a good point..in what way are we defining success.

I am not successful in the eyes of society in terms of being successful in the traditional way (good job, house, money etc) but I have been successful at the following:

Finding a natural way of curing my physical health issues without using any gimmicks or medications (migraines, IBS, CFS type symptoms).

Ridding myself of several addictions on my own (smoking, drinking) leaving me with no addictions at all.

Losing weight...I am still working on that one but I have lost 8lbs already (I have a few more to go, the antidepressants I used to be on but no longer take put some weight on me).

I successfully completed part of a degree and got really good grades, I successfully completed A level equivalents (couldn't afford regular A levels...poor person and my family couldn't have given a rats arse about my education). I also completed some NVQ's in Business admin and other qualifications in typing and IT and got distinctions for those which I could. I got all A grades in my GCSEs and so on.

But I am still stuck on disability with no friends/partner etc. All the same I have succeeded in a few of my own personal goals in life (such as the removal of all addictions and in reversing my physical health issues...) so that is better than nothing.

Next I want to find a way to start my own business as I would really prefer to work by myself. I don't need to earn a fortune though, just enough to live on. It will be fun trying even it does not work out. I do best when I work alone which is why I never went to group support for my addictions and stuff. All the group hugs would have driven me nuts.

Ahhhhh! This is where you are confused.

The successful aspies are not not lucky/exceptions who are successful in the areas in which we are impaired... We are our most successful in other areas. We make the best of our Aspie skills and become a success at the things we have a natural ability in and try not to waste time struggling just to be mediocre at the things we can never be successful at (with ease or otherwise). We also find ways of working with our traits not against them when it comes to trickier areas of life for us. I'm still trying to get my head around the latter part, but so far it seems to be a much better strategy.

If we focus on being successful in our problem areas we will probably never feel we have made the grade, so to speak.

If we focus on our natural skills and develop those to the best of our ability then we can and do tend to become successful in those areas.

Weather or not we are successful, or ever can be, depends quite heavily on our goals. Some tasks will naturally be much harder for us than for others. In order to be a success we need to find our niche.

I guess I could be described as a successful Aspie in other people's minds but it's all about how you view success. Yes I have been in a secure job which I love for the past 4 (5 in January) years and I have been in a long term relationship with my boyfriend for the last 4 and a half years, have an undergraduate degree at 2:1 grade and have a circle of very close friends who I get on fantastically with but I am unable to control my negative emotions to the extent where I slap myself on the head and make my hands bleed from picking and biting them. To me, success would be bringing that behaviour under control.

They were lucky in being able to work that hard.

I don't think that the diagnostic criteria for the autism Spectrum include or specify any "natural skills", and there is no guarantee that we *will* have any, or that *if* we do they will be usable without several other skills which we don't have, ( and there is no reason why there should be a niche waiting for them anywhere ).

I agree.

"Luck" handed them a skill set.

laughing at us from their mansion.

I understand that this is a generalization and I may be wrong, but this is my view point: I feel like autistics are very humble people and don't brag about accomplishments. Bragging and social status is what NT people focus on.

rappers are just a bunch of neurotypicals then