New here. ASD?

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Hello everybody

I have always felt something is wrong with me and a couple of years ago I read about Aspergers and really recognized myself. Close relatives have autistic/ADD-traits, my sister and uncle are two of them. I always thought I was kind of odd because of my upbringing but all my symptoms can´t all of them come from that.

Didn´t like eye contact as a child. Now I do it but I dont´t know if I do it right, at least it doesn´t feel scary. When I stand talking to someone I never now how to stand or how to hold my hands.

Almost didn´t talk at all in school between 10-15 years old. I was kind of bullied and I behaved really strange. At home I could talk. Didn´t understand the other girls obsessions for clothes, boys and their group dynamics.

I like children and old people the most. Have always had problems with my age group.

I have three close friends and I´m completely satisfied with that. I´m bad at calling or texting them but I try.

A lot of fears as a child. Other children could be really intimidating sometimes. Thought they would harm me.

Can easily see patterns, for example when I look at a wall paper.

Obsessions (special interests) that come and go. They don´t go away completely but they decrease in intensity when I am finished "studying" them. They can last for days, weeks and months. The longest I had was probably my U2 (Bono)-interest that was really strong in more than a year. I still like U2 but not obsessively.

I´m counting a lot, stairs and letters for example. It feels good and I do it automatically.

I have some rituals but am quite flexible if I have to. When I´m home I like to do the same things before I go to bed. Check the door, check my wallet and keys are in place and so on.

I have a hard time remembering verbal instructions. Always have to write them down.

Can´t learn things that doesn´t interests me. Was a real underachiever in school. I have a decent IQ but when I don´t feel like it the stuff can´t penetrate the barrier into my brain.

AQ test 34 and RAADS about 160-170

I tend to listen what people say in first hand, but I can read faces (I think..). Sometimes I don´t understand irony, it has to be obvious if I will understand ut. I use irony myself.

I don´t cope very well with stress. I can get angry but try to control myself. Sometimes I get an urge to cry, often in stressful situations.

This is just a couple of symptoms, I can´t write them all down.

I just want to be true to myself and I have come to a point where I realize that my profession is draining and maybe I must do something else with my life.

Can you recognize these symptoms as ASD?

Your self descriptions and screening-test scores appear to support you pursuing a diagnosis (unless you are happy to self identify as "screened with" Autism Spectrum Disorder). Have you read any books about adult autism and its diagnosis?

Yes, you should probably try to get assessed for ASD. This all sounds like Aspergers, possibly mild (because you can read faces).

Welcome to WP!

From what you describe, it's quite possible that you have ASD; however, you would need to be assessed to know for sure. As for assessment, it's not something you need to do. If you want to be assessed, you should probably discuss it with your GP, or find an ASD clinic near where you live, but there's no pressure if you don't feel the need to.

Also, have you discussed the possibility of you have ASD with anybody who knows you well (close friends/family members)? This can be helpful in making a decision about getting an assessment (it was for me).
Good luck!