To tell or not to tell

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I go to a very small church. I told a few who were friendly that I have "aspie traits". Now I get the feeling that they see me as a 2nd class person, not that they are mean in any way, just that they are more easily distracted if we are talking. I am probably going to have to
relocate soon and I am wondering about next time. I feel I have a choice between being discounted or being thought "bad" because
of my half-second-too-slow timing with things like helping, apologising, explaining, noticing, and so on. Half a second is
huge in a world where people are looking for clues as to who doesn't like them and where they feel entitled to an instant response.

Just at the moment, I think being discounted may actually be worse than being vilified. If you are a pariah, someone will sometimes
break rank and associate with you, but if you are discounted, the only people you attract seem to be destructive do-gooder types.

What is your experience of this?

Why tell people you have "traits"? They can see that for themselves. If you're going to tell people, tell them you ARE autistic.

Just from your post, I think you are looking into things too much. It may well be that is not the case, but that is the impression your post gives. Half a second really isn't huge. Don't be overly critical of yourself.

I don't feel critical of myself. I am fully persuaded that I cannot help this, and I have many fine qualities even if I am
the only one who can see.
I do feel critical of their intolerance and entitlement, and I am working on that.
Just so fed up at the moment.

Go Blonde.

Whenever my social BS starts to fall to crap, if I remember to pretend to act like I'm "Blonde" (stereotypical airhead) Everything gets a lot more fun and people seem to laugh with me a lot more, and everything just kinda chills out.
Of course Being Blonde also entails being too stoopid to notice slights or insults, and kinda pretending to get it wrong (obviously -to everyone- not seeing what was said as an insult) drives the subtle shooters mad with frustration, though some of them use it as a way to backout of the insult and feel better about not insulting you in the future.

Did that make any sense?
Anyway, go Blonde and just kinda "get it wrong" with everything said, especially if you can turn it into humor.

That is excellent advice. I would love to do that, it makes perfect
sense. My husband has great success with that approach.
But I just can't do it.
I get overwhelmed with pain/distress when something goes
wrong and I can't function anymore.

Maybe I need to learn to lash out......

My advice: Ditch the God-botherers and don't look back. They can't help you and they aren't interested and to cap it all they haven't even offered to pray for you, or attempt to heal you!

Find a community or group that suits your personality better.

If your belief in God is unassailable then perhaps try to establish a more personal and private relationship with Him/Her/It -- you don't have to go to church, after all.

But to be honest, it sounds like the church experience is affecting your self-perception in negative ways, for example, just from the way you post about having slightly slower reactions and wishing that you could react more promptly and thereby meet the apparent standards of your fellow churchgoers. If they were as thoughtful as you, and given that you've "come out" to them, they would be trying to meet you halfway by trying to adopt personal styles of interaction that didn't leave you feeling inadequate.

I've a lot of time for God, but my experience of Christians tends toward the negative. I feel duty-bound to state explicitly that some Christians are great people to know -- kind as a point of principle, generous both materially and emotionally, dependable and trustworthy friends and acquaintances, always trying to be honest in the most constructive possible light where necessary, firm of character, principled in behaviour -- it's just a shame that I suspect most of them would tell me I was going to Hell if I came out to them as bisexual.

But that doesn't sound like your current situation. They sound like a social clique who aren't particularly interested in you or your condition. Get rid.

You didn't explicitly state those words, but they were directly implicit in the following