Social Anxiety

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What is social anxiety? and why do some people have it more than others; especially those affected with an ASD. Social Anxiety is defined as the fear or the discomfort of being judged or evaluated by others. Also known as social phobia….Anyway, the holidays are coming up, so I thought I would take the time to talk about this and why it affects those with an ASD worse than others.

First off let me tell you about an Autism Spectrum Disorder/Asperger's; Asperger's is a mild form of Autism; we obsess about things we like, we use big words to describe in much detail about these things we like, but we don't care that you don't like them, because we will just keep telling you why and when you are crying, we tell you in maybe a monotone voice to stop. That's just one description because another description is, we are quite oblivious to how we act in public because we are in our own world doing our own thing, not caring what other people think, even though we are probably doing something that isn't socially acceptable, like talking in a movie or staring at a girl. The reason that those with an ASD talk in a movie is probably because we have something to say, and we aren't quite done, so we continue despite the movie playing in the background and the reason for the staring at women is because we don't have the internal drive to just go up and talk to her. We are thinking too much about all the negative outcomes and aren't living in the moment and thinking too much about the future. Also, we are afraid of doing anything; we don't want to/or know how to, deal with rejection, so we won't walk up to a girl. Even though we seem to lack social awareness, we don't want to embarrass ourselves. We can't look them in the eye, and when we are given a chance, we'll just talk very fast because the situation is making us feel uncomfortable and we just want to finish it and leave. First of all, it's rude and if you think you are uncomfortable, imagine what the female feels like; here's this guy who walks up to her, introduces himself and vice versa, and then off he goes talking a mile a minute, and then he leaves to go back to his table. She's stunned and appalled because she has no idea what happened. There's are ways of dealing with that, and I'll discuss that later, but first here's a personal story of social anxiety;

My brother was visiting LA with his girlfriend and some other friends about two weeks ago and me, and our parents decided to visit. We got together and had something to eat at this place called The Edison in Los Angeles. We enter through an alley where they checked our ids and then we were lead down a stairwell that took us down to the lower floor of the building. We sat around a coffee table surrounded by one couch and a few ottomans. This is where the anxiety started. I was quiet, stone-faced, surly, not hungry, and extremely restless. I got up to go the bathroom, hoping that would clear up the anxiety and make me feel better. It didn't. I typed notes into my phone, so I could get it all out and then discuss it with my group the following day. That made me feel a little better because I was able to evaluate my behavior. Eventually my brother took me outside to find out what was wrong with me; so I told him. I was angry with myself for acting the way I was, I felt underdressed, it was too loud, I felt like a child, the food was expensive…. He was able to empathize with me, which made me feel much better. When we went back inside, I taught him and his girlfriend how to blues dance, which was fun and I scavenged the expensive food, which was quite good.

So, I think what made me less anxious, was that someone else was able to empathize with me, so I didn't feel alone. Also, going to the bathroom, I was trying to relax myself, take breaths, psych myself up, so I would feel less anxious; it usually works.

The ways of dealing with social anxiety; as I promised, here are some ways to deal with it: step outside the anxious place, think of somewhere, where you feel comfortable, mentally, then take a few breaths, and when you are ready, step out into the place. There's the phrase, fake it, til you make it, which means, if you don't know, pretend you are the most comfortable person in the place and eventually, you will be. OR, if you are there with friends or family members, say at a family function, step outside, and talk about it. Talk to each other and find out how the other one is doing and then exchange ideas, so you both will have a better time. Realistically, no one is really paying attention to what you're doing; the only person who's really caring is you; so, please just stop that, because you are your own buzzkill, wet blanket, or killjoy. Have fun.

So…with those holidays coming just around the corner, take some time to read the suggestions on how to deal with social anxiety; you'll be better for it.

Also for more information how to get over that social anxiety or for any other assistance, contact Arman Khodaei

Why social anxiety in a great many on the spectrum?

In no particular order
1. Many previous failures in these situation make us expect we will fail at it again
2. Sensory Noise, Light, Smell being more intense then for others (and maybe other peoples face also)
3. Introversion

Any combination or all of the above

social phobias are so common in aspies. we dont know what the rules are, so we are afraid we'll break them without knowing and be jugded and ridiculed for it. an electrician isnt afraid of electricity because he knows what's dangerous and what isnt, but other people with less knowledge about electricity are afraid to do what he does. the dog whisperer isnt afraid of a violent dog, but i'd be.
you can get hurt by what you dont know.