Structure, routines and other things.

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Today I went to some sort of lecture about strategies people with ASD and/or ADHD can use to get their everyday life to work properly. I went there thinking that perhaps I could finally get some sort of help (I should add that I'm not diagnosed but that I'm waiting for an assessment) but those expectations weren't met. At the lecture they talked about how people with ASD/ADHD often have problems with structure, planning, time perception, memory, getting things done etc and they talked about how to make schedules, create routines and things like that.

Apart from the fact that I have problems with structuring my time when it comes to studies and the fact that I find it very difficult to start things and then go through with things without getting distracted, I couldn't really relate to anything they talked about today. The people who were speaking gave quite a few examples but I couldn't relate. They didn't give any examples of people who function the way I do.

I'm super structured instead of not being good at structuring things, planning things and organizing things (except for when it comes to my studies, when my brain shuts down because I get so overwhelmed). I need things to be exactly the way I want them to be. I need things to be arranged perfectly (or I'll get overwhelmed) and I need them to be just where they're supposed to be. I already have routines. A lot of them. I always sit at the same seat at lectures and in people's homes, I have a specific morning routine, a specific evening routine, I want things to be done in a certain way etc. I plan like crazy. Seriously, I have never met anyone who plan things the way I do. I really don't like being spontaneous and I hate being late so I'm always annoyingly on time or early. If you change any of these things (and these are just examples, of course) I'll get upset. I might "only" become confused, annoyed or agitated but I might also get really depressed or really anxious or get a full-blown "meltdown" (it all depends on my mood before the change happens etc).

The point is I don't think I have a problem with lack of routines or structure. I might instead engage in it "too much", if there's such a thing. My psychologist says I have an immense need for control, which isn't good according to him.

Regarding memory and getting things done: I don't think my memory's bad at all (it's a bit worse now that I'm so depressed though). I keep everything in my head. I don't need to use a calendar or anything. I remember all my plans (exact dates, exact times etc). I do have a lot of problems getting things done. Starting things especially. I, for example, might not hoover my room for weeks because I procrastinate and I often need some sort of boost to get it done (for example knowing that someone I know will come over in a while and I then want it to be tidy when that person shows up). When I manage to get started I get distracted really easily. I might for example start to hoover and then all of a sudden I think of something else I need to do which in turn leads to other thoughts and other things I want/need to do. Then, an hour later, I realize that I was about hoover but that I didn't finish it. Things like that.

What I really wanted to ask by writing this wall of text is whether people with ASD/ADHD might function like me (being super structured and very rigid instead of having problems with routines and organizing things etc)? The lecture made me a bit confused.

I am very rigid and routine dependent. That is a part of autism.

You sound exactly like me. I have routines and plan like crazy and meltdown when other people arrive late or otherwise screw me up.

I see why you are confused. It is true for me also. I have many routines and structures set up in my life. I am good at establishing these and rely on them to function in daily life. So I see what you are saying about it not really matching your experience. It is like they approached it from the wrong angle-- rather than saying that people with ASD/ADHD have trouble setting these up, it may have been more useful to point out that routine and structure are key tools for people with ASD/ADHD to cope with life/studying.

I also understand when you say that having plans doesn't always translate into action. For me I find this more of a problem when I have 'general, I have to do this' plans rather than strict, clear cut plans. For example I would find studying somewhat easier if I sat down to do it at exactly the same time every day/week in exactly the same place, but you have to establish that over time which requires great patience and strictness while it is not yet part of your routine.

From what you have said about the lecture it seems quite ADHD focused, and a little confused about the difference between issues and solutions. I wouldn't take it on board too much. I'm not sure if you have been to many of these type of events, but there is quite often things that are said by people who probably mean well but have no idea what actually living with ASD/ADHD is like. You kind of learn to switch off to the things that you know make no sense to your experience.

I love structure and routine too.

The same with me - I actually need many plans, routines and structured time table.

I have my own diary where I write things I need to do. There are very specific (not vague) entries inside it and I find it much easier to complete them, when I can "see" them on the paper. It seems more "real" for me.
The main reason for writing it is that I need to prepare myself for that action. For example I need to know at least 24 hours earlier, that I need to go the following day to the bank or so. I can do that without putting it on the paper too, but it makes me stress and I often become confused.

As always you described my problems. I can really understand your frustration.

I have routines, need to plan ahead, need to be organized, procrastinate, am very punctual, need everything to be perfect etc. So many things in life are overwhelming because of that. And I often end up not even getting things started.

I believe you have autism. It's strange that you couldn't relate to most of what was mentioned in that lecture. You really sound autistic. I guess every autistic person has his/her own set of traits. Unfortunately there's no easy/quick solution to the problems that we face.

I love routine! I am very much a planner, I plan ahead for everything. My family knows me as the one who always thinks of everything, always has a plan. When my routine is disrupted, I get upset. Depending on the change, my reaction can range from an anxiety attack meltdown to just feeling irritated.

I make lists, I love to organize, I have a pretty good memory, and I don't have much of a problem self-motivating. In fact others would probably say I am TOO focused on getting things done, to the point where I can exclude other things in life. I too have read about these skills apparently lacking for those with AS, and it confused me as well. I think that my AS is what makes me so good at these things!

Just another one to chime in here; I love my routines and it takes a long time to get the 'perfect' one for each task then I get stuck doing it that way forever.

As far as structuring, controlling environment, etc. that's one of our coping mechanisms and I feel it's essential-- to a point. Some years ago I decided to try to stop controlling my environment and control my responses to the environment with mixed results [for example I'm not shoo-ing my cat away because she's washing--a sound I hate! --which is causing me a lot of tension right now, though I know it won't last forever and she'll go to sleep]

Also I haven't lived a privileged life so I'm on the lower socioeconomic strata where I simply have no power to change my environment (cleaner, newer apartment for one thing). So some of my coping with unchangeable situations has lead to just not giving a damn... suppose that's not all bad either.

I can't get stuff done on my day off for the life of me... if I have to do more than one chore and one errand, especially with limited funds, time, opportunity, etc that comes with being basically broke all the time... well, it's easy to meltdown if one thing goes wrong or challenges me.

Out of school, life kinda sucks more, in my opinion. Gone is a lot of other-imposed structure. I'm still in 30-something-still-a-kid limbo of missing housework, bills, appointments, etc. not sure I'll ever "mature".

I definitely function better with structure and routine--basically, I need to know what to expect. I find it hard to get things done if I don't. Ambiguity and I don't get along very well. I do have difficulty getting things done, though, particularly in my home life or if I don't have a deadline to work against.

^^ College was just an extension of grade school and high school for me. I rarely ever studied outside of class and didn't do my homework anyway.

But yeah, I set up routines easily but change them with difficulty. I need the routine so that I can do things without having to think so hard about them. I almost never lose things because I always follow my routine. I will walk over glass to be sure I put things back where they';re supposed to be. I know that if I don't, it'll take me too long to find it and get back on track.

I sometimes get depression if something is going to be different to what it normally is. Like tonight for example. Usually Friday nights in my house are peaceful, relaxing, and predictable. But this week I've been promising my brother that I will go out with him and his friends tonight, and I've been saying about it all week. But because it's something I don't usually do, today has crept up so quick that I've been feeling quite depressed and confused all day, and now I have clammed up and don't feel like going out, despite being excited about it all week. Also my aunt (who lives 15 miles away and we don't usually see in evenings) is coming tonight and is taking my mum to a friend of their's house for a cup of tea, and this aunt is so scatterbrained and loud, that when she comes round, the atmosphere suddenly becomes hectic like there's, like, 20 people in one room. And I've just been feeling a bit stressed about it all day, even though it's not that bad. It's just the thought of my routine being a little different tonight. I know I sound like an 80-year-old with Dementia, but I admit I do get confused when things aren't the same as they usually are.