Scared

Post Reply New Topic

Over the years iv'e gotten worse when it comes to being scared i don't run away anymore when someone raises there voice, I brake down an start crying like an idiot i cant handle it even if someone says sorry after. them meaning to or not if its raised makes me brake down an i fear them.

What is this?
why do i do this?

I don't know why you do it, it's just a trigger for you I guess. I'd suggest that if you really want to know why it happens to talk with a therapist about it.

Meanwhile, let people know that raising their voice upsets you and you can't help your reaction. Explain it to them like an allergy. Some people have an allergy to perfume and you can't wear it around them because they can't breathe. You have what could be like an allergy to people raising their voices and you can't process information when that happens. Maybe that will help them understand and keep their voices down. Maybe remind them when they start getting loud. "Getting close to triggering the allergy"

what would you do if these meanies were smaller and weaker than you? would you still be frightened of them? there is a precious youtube video-
[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=isfn4OxCPQs[/youtube]
of some little punk getting his just desserts. I hope you are able to do something like that to your tormentors if you have to.

Iv'e never had a problem with physical bullying just words.
not always a bully though.

but honestly that video i don't take sides being there no proven evidence that the other kid wasn't the victome before the recording.
just because we see a video proves nothing for me iv'e always needed more evidence anything...both sides really.
ive seen this video before too. not to say im on anyones side though

It does not always work...I hit a bully once when I was being bullied at school. she was harassing me in the swimming baths and I wanted to get out and go home without her following me. So I had a go back at her and scared her enough that she went to the other end of the pool and wouldn't come near me again for a while. I saw red and basically grabbed her by the hair and held her under the water. Not long enough to harm her though, just scare her. I could have hurt her though as I didn't realise I had done it until I noticed I was holding her below the surface.

When a person is bullied for long enough they can eventually snap. That is what worries me lately with the persistent bullying online. I have snapped before as the result of bullying and I could have killed the girl had I not realised I was holding her under the water before she drowned. I do worry that they will push it and I will snap and hurt someone again. They think they are safe because they are behind a computer...but there are local people who are involved. If was going to go psycho on bullies I'd target the ones I could get too.

Hence why I hate that I am having feelings of wanting to hurt them. It was like this before I half drowned the girl in the swimming pool.

The effect it had on stopping the bully when I was at school though was only temporary. I suppose I did get a year or so of peace and quiet. At that time we were around the same size. She grew faster than me though as I was late to mature so as soon as she got to be bigger than i was...well.

Last edited by bumble on 18 Nov 2013, 6:19 pm, edited 1 time in total.

I have long wondered what was the defective brain part in bullies that made them pick on people instead of defend people?

It's instinct. It's not a choice to bully, we have to make the conscious choice to not bully. It's part of the genetic mandate. It's in every observed primate, as well as countless other species as diverse as the avian and even some reptiles. It's an ancient mechanism that allows the most fit for survival to get more/better mates.

It's my biggest problem with bullying awareness, it's what is not being taught that is why we're getting such shoddy results. Instead of it being painted as an instinct to be controlled, it's painted as a behavior that we're choosing to do. It's no more of a choice than breathing.

still this begs the question of what keeps them from controlling it? defective parenting? defective genes? some combo of all that? how do we rechannel the bullying instinct into a protective or defending instinct?

Some just can't. Like any violent crime for which we're programmed (again, same mechanism). There's a huge group who will already never assault another person, there a group who always be on the lookout for violence to engage in. This latter group is largely composed of our prisoners. And then there's a group who may or may not, given some circumstance, and the dividing line between "will" and "will not" is somewhere in the middle of that group.

There's only one way to remove it from society, and as a society we don't have the guts to do it. There are other instinctual problems that need this cure as well, bullying isn't alone.

That said, I find it a huge disservice that the wikipedia page on bullying is devoid of science. (Or was the last time I looked.) It has all kinds of tools for dealing with bullies, but not a word saying "All 7.1 billion of us appear to be programmed to do this, so you need to be hyper-aware of when you're doing it and stop. Here's some tools to help you manage your urge to put others down... etc."

As a victim of bullying it still tugs at my heart.

I have personally seen several instances of bullies whose frontal lobes kicked in in late adolescence, became chastened and determined to be the opposite of what they were. one was in my own family. if only what happened inside these folks could be extracted as an antibullying essense and bottled medicinally.

Raised voices upset me too. I usually freeze with my eyes looking down. If it goes on for very long, I will cry.

I avoid people who have a tendency to raise their voices. I was in a verbally abusive relationship for 9 years and he frequently yelled at me until I started to and kept crying. I think he enjoyed it. Or maybe he just couldn't help himself. But I can tell you that I never got used to it.

being in the military, I was forced somewhat brutally to not cry. that is a sin in the armed forces, to show weakness. so I stopped crying when bullied and abused but it also calloused/warped me inside. I lost an essential part of myself, an essential innocence. so by dint of that I would not recommend the military for toughening up a person, I would recommend that said vulnerable person continue to be their authentic self and try much harder to be around decent people.

In my opinion, those are the people we need teaching our anti-bullying courses!

^^^
in my own family, one person is doing just that.