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Opi
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29 Nov 2013, 6:30 pm

i don't know if it's just being tapped out after being around strangers all thanksgiving - even though i had a really good time - but i woke up today close to tears and just can't shake this enormous feeling of sadness. it doesn't help that there's noone here i can really talk to, but i don't even know what i would want to talk about. now everyone has left the house (which should be a blessing) and i just feel bereft and depressed.

i've always had hard time in the fall, and i've always had a hard time around the holidays if i'm alone, but this is the first time i've been sad the day after. does anyone else feel the same way? does anyone have any idea why or what to do about it?


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161 Aspie / 51 NT - Aspie Quiz (very likely an aspie)
36 - AS Quotient
115 aloof, 123 rigid, 89 prag - Aut/BAP
24 - HSP / ADD Quiz- 41, Inattention: 24, Hyperactive/Impulsive: 17
"Odd and different is beautiful" -- Tyra Banks


Marcia
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29 Nov 2013, 7:03 pm

I had a similar experience earlier this week. Not connected to Thanksgiving or any kind of celebration. I had a short, but difficult meeting with some people at church - I had to give them a telling-off - these are unpleasant people who have a history of bullying. I felt fine immediately afterwards, but then I went home to an empty house and became very tearful. Went for a walk with the dog, and spent most of the afternoon in tears - the most horrible feeling of loneliness which I have never experienced before and I've been happy on my own for 6 years now.

The feeling lasted all through Monday and most of Tuesday. I saw my counsellor on Wednesday and he suggested it was because when I told those women off it was the first time I'd done that, and that my feelings afterwards were some kind of reaction to that.

Your situation is very different, but it seems that your feelings now are similar. Could it be some kind of reaction to the stress of the holiday, even though it was fine at the time?

I spent a lot of time walking and thinking, and walking and trying to be present in the moment - not looking back or forward. That helped. That and a bit of time.

Sorry you're feeling like this. :(



Opi
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29 Nov 2013, 7:26 pm

thanks. i do think this is some kind of reaction to yesterday i'm just not sure what or how.

i do feel, when i feel tired or down, completely inadequate to socialize and i'm scared the people who are kind enough to be housing me won't understand.

i desperately want someone to comfort me, but there is noone there i'm close enough to ask. i feel so lonely and it's so stupid because there's a house full of people right outside my door.

i think also the stress of the last week is catching up with me. i have so much to be grateful for, but i'm so scared i have no idea how i'm going to get through week to week, let alone what my future holds for me. i hate not having a plan (or the means to make a plan). plans take resources and i barely have any.

i spent time with the dogs, and the horse today, but i don't even feel worthy of their company.

i miss my cat.


_________________
161 Aspie / 51 NT - Aspie Quiz (very likely an aspie)
36 - AS Quotient
115 aloof, 123 rigid, 89 prag - Aut/BAP
24 - HSP / ADD Quiz- 41, Inattention: 24, Hyperactive/Impulsive: 17
"Odd and different is beautiful" -- Tyra Banks


vickygleitz
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29 Nov 2013, 7:41 pm

[[[[[[Opi]]]]]]] If you haven't noticed, you've been going through hell for awhile. Your boyfriend, your stuff, your home, your self-esteem, your finances, your entire world has been rocked and not in a pleasant way] BIG TIME.

The universe has been, and I believe will continue to be there for you . Even if you know that, it still has to hurt. It still has to be confusing. You still have to give yourself time, and a lot of it, to heal. what would you be saying to someone else in your circumstances? I already know. You would be giving them the comfort and understanding that they needed and deserved. please be as compassionate with yourself.

I know if I were going through what you are, I would be a total idiot. I would be saying to myself "These nice people are giving me a place to stay while I figure out what's going on. There are others who truly care about me, so why, instead of counting my blessings, am I so depressed? Must be because I'm just not good or grateful enough." Wouldn't that be ridiculous of me to think that way? I hope you are not thinking that way.

You've gone through so much. You're still going through so much. It's OKAY to be down. It's okay to be confused. A frog, jumping from one lily pad to another [probably even better] lily pad, while in transit, is in a state of disequilibrium. there is nothing solid to place his feet on while in mid-air. But he gets there, and so will you, you special, wonderful lady.

Call me any time.

Vicky



Opi
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30 Nov 2013, 12:33 pm

thanks vicky, i read this last night. you are SUCH a good comforter!

woke up this morning feeling fine. even had a little energy. depression vanished.

SO wierd.


_________________
161 Aspie / 51 NT - Aspie Quiz (very likely an aspie)
36 - AS Quotient
115 aloof, 123 rigid, 89 prag - Aut/BAP
24 - HSP / ADD Quiz- 41, Inattention: 24, Hyperactive/Impulsive: 17
"Odd and different is beautiful" -- Tyra Banks