Intense hatred for bullies

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But, if the woman WAS hysterical and irrational it's NOT ok to say it? Or if the guy is big and black it's NOT ok to say it?

So when a situation happens that just happens to have someone in it that was stereotyped but it's that way, that the woman IS freaking out you have to pretend it's not true? If the guy is big and black and intimidating because of how he comes across not because he's black then it's not ok to say it?

What. The. f**k.

So, it's gotten to the point in some people's minds now, that when people happen to fit a stereotype at that moment, we have to ignore it? Jesus Christ.

I used to hate bullies and gossipers until I realized almost everyone, including me, has gossiped about someone and been mean to someone before. I still do it without thinking sometimes, and every time I do it I feel guilty and hate gossipers less and less.

No I do not and may even feel sorry for bullies since they are very often bullied themselves. I do however have an intense dislike when injustice is served on others or myself. For example, when a person is allowed to be a bully and gets away with it scot free.

No, which is why we are not ignoring you and your comments.

It's a repeated pattern, which I am sure in your mind is ok and right.

The rest of us however take offense. Sorry to be the one to inform you, but you are on a website that has a global reach, you are no longer in that sheltered world of yours where it is acceptable to equate a persons skin color as a significant fact to how you felt.

So in an effort to educate, here are more acceptable ways you could have put it.

"He is a very large man who is boisterous; it intimidated me."
"His size and statue along with his commanding voice, caused a fight or flight response in me."
"He towered over me and used his most forceful voice in an effort to intimidate me."
"I was rather nervous going into the meeting that feeling was abetted by his size and loud speaking voice."

All of the above would be acceptable while not ignoring the facts that matter.

I guess you learn to just ignore it. and dont think about it. The whole not taking about it works for quite a lot of things when you have these sorta problems.

It just becomes a problem, when you get so good at forgetting stuff, you almost cant remember stuff.

The one thing i learned in school was to never give bullies the satifying of any emotion no matter what they do. Then they get bored,

You can even take it the step further a become the village Mr bean type, then at least they are laughing at you instead of bullying, not sure if its a step up, but at least it works. I rather be laughed at then bullied, thats for sure.

Its not easy to do i know, but you shouldn waste your energy or time on thinking about should horrible people. Often its actually bullies thats the most unsecure, because they have to pick on others because they have some problems. I have learned this over the years, i just dont care what people say, its kinda like in the Back to the future movies, how marty always gets worked up about being called chicken or whatever. One thing i gain from this thread, i think you easily take things personal, dont ever do that, dont assume negative before you are sure. again its easy to say, but you can work on it. Its a really bad circle to get into. ive been there my self when i was younger, its always easy to be smart, but i hope you get through this. i imagine most of us have been there.,

But again maybe its at your job ? not sure how old you are. Then of course its of a different manner. Working out can also help, not because you beat people up or anything. But at least in my experience, people rarely go around bullying someone who is pretty buff. That and my height 198cm has helped me in that favor. Dont get me wrong im always willing to help people and a nice guy i think. But muscles and such it helps keep up a facade / illusion whatever you wanna call it.

But in short, its hard when you are younger, but it gets easier with age i find, even if its a nightmare to go through. I live close to a school. and ive often seen someone chasing bullying kids, i dont do anything other than walk over the the kid, then suddenly those other kids get a move on. My own little way of giving back, how i wish someone had done back when i had to go home from school which was always the worst time, having the damn bullies follow me home more or less.

Well there i go rambling again sorry about that. Good luck with your problem.

In the 2 months that you've been here, you've managed to notice a pattern in the way OOM talks about large, boisterous men who also happen to be black?
That's rather a lot of focus on one person's posting style.

Maybe he has had another account here or has been a long time lurker before registering an account finally.

I was referring to a discussion where she showed her prejudice towards a subset of people in another thread and found nothing wrong with it. By linking them ALL to dope heads. To which I was part of the discussion.

So unless you can say that a person who repeatedly uses stereotypes to convey their distain for someone isn't following a pattern of prejudice I stand by my statement.

What about your reaction to a bully? When I was bullied at work the bully said to me "I would be mad if I was you?" And I sat there feeling frozen and inside I was freaking out, but I just sat there and that is how I deal with it. Plus the person who was the bully was my supervisor at the time. Interesting that it bothered the bully that I did not "get mad."

Outside the discussion of whether OOM is prejudiced or not, I want to point out that we shouldn't let that get in the way of her message, or dismiss it because you don't agree with the way she expressed it. Namely, that it is necessary to stand up to bullies in order to be left alone. And sometimes, in extreme cases, that standing up might end up being forceful. I always try to be polite and treat other people well in my dealings with them, and when I feel I am being taken advantage of there are ways to be firm while still being respectful. But I've had to glare and in the end slightly antagonize some guy last month who was being overly rude, who ended up not talking to me for the rest of the night (which was fine by me, it was a much better outcome than being the butt of malicious jokes). It has a lot to do with being assertive, and I see nothing wrong with it. In a perfect world nobody would feel good by putting down other people, but we don't live in a perfect world and we must learn to deal with it. That being said, I've heard of particularly bad cases where this doesn't work, although as a general rule it does.

About hating bullies, hate is an emotion that harms the one who feels it, but not the one who is the recipient of it. So I simply don't think about them. I never see them anyway, it was an early high school problem and I don't see those people anymore.

That is enough OOM bashing for today.

Thread may be reoppened in a couple of days.